Medications: Addressing Parental Fears and Concerns

Recently, a parent came to me, conflicted over whether to follow her pediatrician's recommendation of placing her young son on medication. His difficult behaviors had escalated in recent years and after trying behavioral strategies and food elimination diets, there simply hadn't been much progress in his maintaining himself. His behavior at school was deteriorating to the point where the teachers were concerned about his progress academically, psychologically and socially. When the medication suggestion came up, Jane (not her real name) was distraught.

"Drugs scare me", she said. "I guess it's an option I need to think about, but I'm not happy about it".

No parent loves the idea of using medications for children who are exhibiting behavioral problems and I believe that other strategies should be explored first, before reaching for the prescription pad. But for many, all the best parenting strategies, counseling sessions, elimination diets, exercise, etc. just may not be enough to help a child manage his/her behaviors- behaviors that can be dangerous to himself or others; behaviors that are unfortunately, out of his control, and that make him feel badly about himself. This poor self-regulation can cause him to be excluded socially, resulting in repeated reprimands, punishments, teasing and taunts till his self-esteem is totally shot.

We as Americans come from a mind set that if we'd just try HARDER, we can achieve anything. If we try harder, we can get into the top ranked university in the country. If we exert more effort, we can be the winning football team in the district. If we really wanted to, we can climb to the top of the socioeconomic ladder. If we put more effort into ourselves and into our children, we will embrace that American Dream of happiness, fortune and good health. Let's not kid ourselves.

All the hard work in the world will not, with few exceptions, change a child's neurology or biochemistry. Asking a child with, say attention deficit disorder, to try harder and concentrate, veritably backfires. Studies show that the part of the brain involved in executive functioning actually shuts down when forced to work harder than one is capable of doing.

The child with bipolar or other psychiatric conditions often simply can't "turn off her feelings". The autistic child who is overwhelmed by the onslaught of stimuli can't always find ways to self-calm and self-regulate his behaviors.

Under these conditions, it's important for parents to begin working through their own feelings about medications. Many reluctant parents worry that their child will be "drugged" into compliance. Or that he may become dependant or even addicted to medications. But in reality, what we discover is that these children NEED that external control- medication- to help them normalize. No child likes to feel out of control, different, depressed or anxious. Using medication as a way to help them feel IN control can change a child's life drastically, not to mention the health of the entire family unit.

When parents refer to the word "drugs" in discussing medications, I remind them that the connotation is a negative one and that it might be helpful to explore their fears and anxieties. Medications, when used as directed by a physician can be a Godsend, giving a child control over himself and drastically improving his quality of life.

So next time you cringe at the idea of medication for your child, think about it more as an aide, like wearing eyeglasses. If we are near sighted, we can squint as hard as we can, but that doesn't do much for improving our vision-we accept that there is a physical reason for our near sightedness and simply get fitted for glasses. Likewise, we need to recognize that when there is a chemical or neurological imbalance affecting our child's happiness and well-being, we need to be open to the idea of exploring medications to help balance his biochemistry so he can gain better control of himself. It's not a matter of trying harder; it's offering a tool, like the eyeglasses.

That doesn't mean that medications are always a magic bullet. We as parents still need to use behavioral strategies to help teach our kids appropriate ways to act. But until their neurology/biochemistry gets some medical support, it is often a waste of time to expect major changes. Again, it's like teaching our child to just "squint harder".

Re-framing the idea of medications in this way may make it easier to accept your doctor's suggestion. Questioning the professionals and their recommendations for medications is good. It shows that you care and that you want what is best for your child, rather than looking for a "quick fix". You want to use all the tools in your toolbox to help your child live the best quality of life possible.

Terry Matlen, MSW., ACSW, is a psychotherapist and consultant specializing in AD/HD in adults. She is the director of http://www.addconsults.com and myADDstore.com and serves on the board of directors of the Attention Deficit Disorder Association (ADDA). A popular presenter at local and national conferences, Ms. Matlen has a passion for raising awareness of the special challenges for women with AD/HD and the unique issues parents face when both they and their children have AD/HD.

---

Educational Toys - How Do Parents Choose The Best Toys For Their Child

The choices are mind numbing. Walk into any toy store... Read More

Grandparents! Help Your Grandkids Do Math!

This may come as a surprise.But despite all the advances... Read More

Creating Great Birthday Party Videos

My son recently had his third birthday party and it... Read More

What is Incest?

Incest is sexual activity, ranging from fondling to intercourse, between... Read More

Quality Time with Your Teen

It's sometimes difficult to find ways to be involved with... Read More

Co-sleeping, a personal story

When I was pregnant, we knew that we had some... Read More

Our Recommended Eating Program for ADHD

Below is a copy of our eating program for Attention... Read More

Home For The Holidays: Ask Yourself Some Questions

Annie easily slipped into becoming the sole caregiver of her... Read More

What Julia Roberts has to Say about Motherhood

Julia Roberts recently gave birth to twins: Hazel and Phinnaeus.... Read More

Committed Parenting

When you think about it, probably the one thing that... Read More

Pay Attention! Its Your Most Important Job

Anyone can become a parent; there are no tests or... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: 8 Things You Need to Be Doing

Get into their world. The world that teens are growing... Read More

Parenting Styles - Overcoming Your Differences

If you spend any time in the parenting section of... Read More

Parental Internet Control Tips

The Internet is one of the greatest inventions of all... Read More

Are You Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child?

Although many parents are concerned with our children's intelligence quotient... Read More

Reading Activities Parents Can Use For Their Children

Using 14 "at" Flashcards To Teach Reading:This exercise helps your... Read More

Identifying Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder in the Classroom: Eight Things Teachers Should

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is the phrase that is... Read More

The Benefits of Music Education

Despite serious reductions in funding for arts programs in... Read More

Five Easy Steps to Picking the Perfect Baby Name

One of the few decisions you'll make during pregnancy that... Read More

Homeschooling ? Can I Do It?

Many parents would like to homeschool their children but are... Read More

Teenagers in America Today

"Family Matters" was the headline that caught my attention in... Read More

Guide Your Kids! This 3-D Map Leads to Character

A tall, weary-looking mother with glasses, walked into my counseling... Read More

How To Be Your Childs Sex Educator

The debate in many towns continues throughout this country about... Read More

Dads - What Family Legacy Are You Passing On to Your Children?

Do you want to create a deeper, more loving relationship... Read More

How to Help Your Child be Successful in Kindergarten

Your child's first year of school should be a fun... Read More

How To Teach Your Children Courage

Courage means doing the right thing when it is hard,... Read More

How to Teach Anger Management to Your Child

Most of us recognize the continuing escalation of violence around... Read More

Your Kids Career - Whose Choice?

A strange thing happened to me today. Or more precisely,... Read More

Defrazzle with a Hearty Guffaw

"The best blush to use is laughter: It put roses... Read More

Pregnancy and Excercising - 6 Reasons to Excercise During Pregnancy

Everyone knows that exercise is good for your health. Exercising... Read More

Promoting Your Childs Motor Development

Assuming there are no serious motor problems present, what can... Read More

Nights by a Pinocchio Lamp

Sitting by her Pinocchio lamp, she smiled at me as... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: The Teenager and the Gorilla

Q: A parent writes in to ask, "You write a... Read More