On a bright Sunday morning, a couple of weeks ago, I went to South London to receive a message sent from Nigeria. As I entered the lift, I saw a couple, apparently in their early 20s, smoking marijuana while their young son sat comfortably in his push-chair. As I was going down through the staircase, I saw another three children in their teens smoking marijuana and drinking beer.
The above situation depicts the state of our children abroad. What values are we giving our children in foreign lands? Is it the environment or our work that forbids us from giving our children good values, home training, love and care? Or did we dump the values we were brought up with at the airport as we boarded the aircraft to England?
Agreed, many parents work hard to provide for their children, but parents also have to find the balance between work and family. American researchers have confirmed from empirical studies that when both parents give long hours to a career, it is often their children's self esteem that suffers. 'They don't have the self-assurance that comes from knowing that your parents are really interested in you and behind you', says Ronald Levant, a Harvard Psychologist. Another author, Patricia Morgan says, 'children who spend long hours in day care from early age tend to develop anti-social and aggressive behaviour.
A recent survey by 'Parents at Work', which advises employers on childcare indicated that 15% of fathers see their children only at weekends and more than 50% spend less than five minutes a day with their children, one to one. In this kind of scenario, by the time the child goes into drugs, sex and crime, the parents, especially the father, won't be aware. As is typical of most Nigerian men, when the bubble busts, all the blame of the child's wrong doings will be heaped on the woman.
Especially in this environment, men need to support their wives in child rearing and nurturing. Being taught good values by parents will determine whether our children succeed and overcome their surrounding.
Teaching them how to come out good in life, expressing and demonstrating love, rebuking them when they err and letting them know that they are rebuked not because they are not loved, but because what they did was bad.
'A child learns whether or not he is lovable or worthwhile or intelligent or talented by the way he is treated by his parents. Children need a constant, continuous flow of love in order to develop healthy personalities. Children who do not receive high quality love in the first three years of their lives will develop deficiency needs. For the rest of their lives, they will try to compensate for their deficiencies rather than realise their potential. In the formative years, children learn in two ways. The first way is by imitation, usually of one or both parents. Many of our adult habit patterns and characteristics come from straight imitation of one of our parents in our formative years. The other way children learn in the formative years is by moving from discomfort towards comfort. Of all the discomforts a child can suffer, the most traumatic is the withdrawal or threat of the withdrawal of love and approval by parent', wrote Brian Tracy in his best-selling book, the Psychology of Achievement.
Maybe many of us still need to go for training on parenting because what you don't have you can't give. The values given to children will invariably determine how they see life and what they will do with their lives.
When I was a child, my mother nurtured my frail body as a testimony of her love. Now, we are best of friends rather than fall into the stereotypic notion of a 'mummy's boy'. Till today, whenever she writes me, she never fails to tell me to remember the son of whom I am because a good name is better than gold and silver. These are the values I am passing on to my own children.
"Children must be reared with strong moral character, confidence, high self-esteem, and who would feel that they could accomplish whatever goals they set. To give those values to your children does not cost you a dime. Those are characteristics and gifts that money cannot buy", says Mrs. Jordan, the mother of the basketball legend, Michael Jordan, in her book, Family First: Winning The Parenting Game.
A child's mind is like a blank sheet of paper. I believe parents share in the authorship of a child's experience. We help write some of the chapters. They learn the letters and languages, and then self-expression emerges. The values you give children today form the foundation on which they will build their lives tomorrow. So don't waffle! Robbers started out by stealing pencils at school. Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Dayo Olomu is a UK-based Motivational Speaker, Writer, Business/Life Coach, Trainer, Media Entrepreneur and Competent Toastmaster. His core belief is that we are all endowed with seeds of greatness, and his mission is to help individuals and organisations achieve their full potentials. He is the author of best selling "4 Indispensable Strategies for Success" and the President of Croydon Communicators Toastmasters. Get his FREE monthly Rise to the Top ezine by sending a blank email to subscribe@dayoolomu.com or visit his website at: www.dayoolomu.com
Seven-year old Michael was on a school trip to a... Read More
'Whose room is it anyway?'If you have a teenager, you're... Read More
It is extraordinary times that we find ourselves in. Change... Read More
Most parents at some stage are driven to distraction by... Read More
You want your daughter to wear a dress to the... Read More
The main thing we noticed since having a baby is... Read More
As a mom of 4 who's youngest child is about... Read More
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is the phrase that is... Read More
"There is nothing new under the sun," states Ecclesiastes 1:9.... Read More
As a parent, you can learn a lot about your... Read More
Q. We recently caught our son smoking pot, and we... Read More
Many research studies have shown the overall effectiveness of stimulant... Read More
Is your weekly shopping trip with the kids an absolute... Read More
There's a phrase that's become popular over the past few... Read More
If your parenting methods include abuse of any kind; physical,... Read More
While on a recent trip to the grocery store, I... Read More
LOS ANGELES (May 19, 2005) - With Memorial Day weekend,... Read More
I am in pain. I've been in pain all day.... Read More
There is nothing pleasant about failure, at least not at... Read More
Thank you to all of our professional educators who dedicate... Read More
Ritalin is a good medication with a bad reputation. Its... Read More
Moving house can be an emotional experience for adults, so... Read More
Not many things are more upsetting than discovering that your... Read More
It was a day that I will forever be etched... Read More
Perhaps I could make a lot of money by founding... Read More
Did you know that the number of twin births have... Read More
When it comes to the treatment of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity... Read More
Several similar terms describe the central attribute of a character... Read More
Saturday mornings. Cold cereal and Scooby Doo. How many parents... Read More
1. Diapers (5 -7 is a fairly safe supply)2. Wipes3.... Read More
Chiladult? Whatever you call them, teenagers are a changin' and... Read More
The learning and development of Australian kids is under threat... Read More
Parental Alienation Syndrome was probably first identified and codified by... Read More
The disquieting behavior of teenagers in the 21st century, is... Read More
Prioritize. Learn to say No. Steal some time for yourself.Don't... Read More
Life is funny.My twenty-year-old daughter, Melanie, has a her new... Read More
As parents, we love our children and want to do... Read More
Many research studies have shown the overall effectiveness of stimulant... Read More
I had just completed a session with 17-year old Julie... Read More
Prenatal intelligence, also known as fetal intelligence, has become a... Read More
School authorities continually claim that they want more parent cooperation... Read More
Assuming there are no serious motor problems present, what can... Read More
1. Make stronger connections among individuals and, therefore, creates a... Read More
The advances in science over the past century have been... Read More
I am a dad. I have been now for over... Read More
It's the first day of the summer holiday. Five year-old... Read More
There's a new trend for party entertainment. It seems as... Read More
Diagnosing children and teens with ADHD can be a challenge.... Read More
So, the thing is? I am feeling a little guilty.I... Read More
Why Is Spending Time with Your Child So Important?For children... Read More
Parents are losing their self-control to anger. A friend called... Read More
Recently, a much-anticipated game of mini-golf with my children soon... Read More
To have reasonable expectations of our children is an important... Read More
Hints from Ruowen Wang? Keep a small basket filled with... Read More
Q. We just got our daughter's progress report, and it... Read More
Look around: Your kids are counting sleeps until the last... Read More
All of us, including your child, entered this world equipped... Read More
Should a parent give a child a tangible reward when... Read More
Do you think you really know your child? I don't... Read More
Maryann is so focused she's blind. She's slipped over the... Read More
Vinegar or honey, what do kids really want? "Toys, candy,... Read More
Often I will hear parents say, "I just ignore Jr.... Read More
"I took care of Callie," my three-year-old announced.Callie had been... Read More
If you were to ask 100 parents why they think... Read More
Summer Survival The... Read More
I don't know how people raise daughters because I have... Read More
Parenting |