What Are Reasonable Expectations of a Child?

To have reasonable expectations of our children is an important aspect of wise parenting. Reasonable expectations leave room for a child to be a child but understand they are on the road to learning to be a mature adult. Often I see parents who try to hold their children to a much higher standard than the child is able to accomplish or just the opposite, ask almost nothing from the child. Many parents who were forced to work hard as a child, either because of financial reasons or over-strict parents have vowed that their children will be allowed to just be "kids" and enjoy life. May I tell you that there is a happy medium?

EVERY ONE IN FAMILY SHOULD HELP

All members of the family should be expected to contribute to the upkeep of the home and to making life run as smoothly as possible. That said, you cannot expect a 4 year old child to make dinner or an infant to quit crying just because you told him too. You can avoid discouragement by setting realistic and clear goals and expectations.

Don't expect the beds to have military corners, the dishes to be spotless or puzzle pieces never to be lost. We are all human beings and make mistakes. This is a learning ground and as such we all need to be free to learn and change on a daily basis.

LEARN ABOUT CHILD DEVELOPMENT

I have always wondered why child development was not considered a core competency for high school students. If it were done, I think that the next generation of parents would have some ideas of what each age and stage of childhood is about.

Please check out a book at the library or pick one up at a yard sale on the natural stages of child development. It will give you an insight into what most children at each age are able to accomplish physically, emotionally, intellectually and socially. That doesn't mean that your child won't be a little behind or a little ahead of the statistics. However, you will be more aware of what he or she is capable of and not be so frustrated.

BE CAREFUL HOW EXPECTATIONS ARE PHRASED

We think in pictures and your child must be able to visualize what you are asking for. When you say to your daughter, "Please be good today when we are visiting Grandma who is very sick." This leaves the words open to the child's interpretation. After all what does "good" mean? Didn't she just have a "good" time playing in the sink or outside with the dog. It is very confusing. If, instead you say "While we are at Grandmas I expect you to play with your toys quietly and ask permission before you touch anything that doesn't belong to you. Do you have any questions?" you will be painting a much clearer picture in her mind.

ALL CHILDREN ARE UNIQUE

Most parents expect their children to grow steadily in a diagonal line that constantly goes in an onward and upward motion. They want improvement on a steady basis with no backsliding or "I forgot!" The problem is that children don't grow that way, either physically or in skill building. They grow and develop in spurts and surges. I have heard child rearing described as the ocean tide, where the family moves forward, retreats, move forward again, retreats again, etc. You would tend to get discouraged if you didn't realize that every time the tide comes in, it comes in a little ahead of where it was before.

Good luck and God Bless. You do the most important work in the world.

© Judy H. Wright, Parent Educator, www.ArtichokePress.com

This article was written by Judy Wright, parent educator and author. Feel free to use it in your newsletter or publication, but please give full credit to the author and mention the contact information of JudyWright@ArtichokePress.com, 406-549-9813.

You will find a full listing of books, tapes, newsletters and workshops available on finding the heart of the story in the journey of life by going to www.ArtichokePress.com

---

The Long Journey Home

Once upon a time, I thought I had it all.... Read More

Are You Frustrated With Public Schools?

Join a growing number of parents and teachers!Fact: Last year,... Read More

Adoption: Laughter and Tears

If you ever walk through an orphanage, it will be... Read More

Film Industry and Our Youth

In the first premise, some films and video tapes which... Read More

Home For The Holidays: Avoid Aging Parents Becoming A Burden

By not planning for the future we guarantee that we... Read More

ADHD Treatment: Strategy and Philosophy

If your child or teen has been diagnosed with Attention... Read More

New Mom...New Baby...New Debt?

Ah, there is nothing like being an expectant mom. Along... Read More

Discipline on My Mind

I look out of the window as I am writing... Read More

Authoritarian Parenting, Permissive Parenting, or Loving Parenting

Angie was brought up by rigid, authoritarian parents who kept... Read More

Lets Protect Our Children

There are software programs that you can purchase to keep... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: 6 Tips for Effective Discipline and Consequences

A parent writes in, ``We are having a hard time... Read More

Surviving as a Single Parent

Emotional OverloadMany single parents say they deal with a variety... Read More

Protect your Kids Early with Safety Glasses

What exactly makes safety glasses different from regular glasses? There... Read More

Pregnancy and Excercising - 6 Reasons to Excercise During Pregnancy

Everyone knows that exercise is good for your health. Exercising... Read More

Develop Your Childs Genius: Improving Concentration and Focus

Some people can concentrate on an assignment, to the exclusion... Read More

Committed Parenting

When you think about it, probably the one thing that... Read More

Diana, Princess of Whales

Younger generations unfortunately will not understand how larger than life... Read More

Educational Jigsaw Puzzles, How Educational Are They?

Many companies advertise their products as being educational. How much... Read More

Baby Name Meanings

Speaking as a Michael (a Hebrew name, meaning "Who is... Read More

Tips for Parents of Teenagers: Dont Just Survive - Thrive!

What makes parenting so challenging at times? One widespread research... Read More

Weathering Colic for New Parents

A common problem many times facing parents is Colic. Estimates... Read More

Whos Teaching Your Child About Money?

Managing money is one of the most critical skills we... Read More

Preparing Your Child for the Three Rs

There is little doubt that reading, 'riting and 'rithmetic are... Read More

Did You Get the Hidden Parenting Message in Finding Nemo?

In the movie, Finding Nemo, Nemo's father, Marlyn asks the... Read More

Income that PAYS Your Child Support WITHOUT Increasing Your Child Support

Child support is defined as that part of your income... Read More

March of the Penguins - A Fun Learnig Tool

Everyone loves penguins. And now, everyone has a chance to... Read More

Are Your Kids Driving You Crazy? How Character Building Charts Keep You Sane

Who lives in your house? Are they driving you "crazy?"... Read More

What Are Reasonable Expectations of a Child?

To have reasonable expectations of our children is an important... Read More

Hearing Our Seriously Distressed Adolescents

The distressed adolescent often has feelings of abandonment, emotional detachment,... Read More

Choosing a Daycare or Pre-School ? Top Ten Safety Tips

When it's time to put your child into a daycare... Read More

The Thing with Quality Time

It's funny how people seem to think that they have... Read More

Parents --- Your Childrens Report Card May Be Rigged

Under the "No Child Left Behind Act," public schools whose... Read More

Let Kids Help

One fantastic way to get your children involved in what... Read More