How to Help Your Children to Blossom

I am writing this from the beautiful mountains of Western North Carolina in the southeastern region of the United States.

It is gorgeous here in April, with trees covered in white or pink blossoms, masses of yellow forsythia in bloom and flowers of many colors bursting forth in gardens and along the roadsides.

It takes my breath away.

As I allow myself to soak up the beauty all around me, I think about the experience of being a parent. I can't help it.

Here are some of the messages Spring is whispering to me this year:

1. Allow everything to happen in its own time.

I remember how, in January, we were longing for Spring to come. Looking at the bare trees, I could imagine the blossoms of April and silently urged Spring to hurry.

But the time was not right.

It's like raising children. There is an inner rhythm, a natural unfolding that cannot be hurried. We can't force the blossoming.

My grand-daughter just took her first steps. She is 13 months old.

For the last few months, she has been standing and walking around the furniture. The adults in her life have been encouraging her to take those un-supported steps.

She was not ready.

Some things cannot be hurried.

In fact, when we hurry our children, it often slows them down. They become anxious and unsure of themselves, and disconnect from their own inner wisdom.

Is there something that you want your child to do or to become that seems to be taking a long time?

Are you impatient?

This may be the time for you to allow the natural process to unfold in its own time.

Trust the knowing within your child. The same inner guidance that we all have within us is within our children as well.

Allow them to bloom in their own way, in their own time.

2. Appreciate each day for the gifts it brings.

The magnificent beauty of Spring is so fleeting.

Last week, I was enjoying the delicate pink flowers of our weeping cherry tree, branches bending gently toward the earth.

I wanted to stop time and hold on to the beauty of it all, but I knew I couldn't.

So I took the time to sit and watch the branches dancing gently in the wind. I soaked in as much of the beauty as I could and felt an overwhelming gratitude to be a part of that magic moment.

Now the blossoms have been replaced by tiny green leaves. The moment of magnificence has passed. Too quickly.

Today I have a choice. I can regret the loss of the blossoms. Or I can appreciate the beauty that is before me now. Flowers gave way to leaves, but the tree is still beautiful.

When my children were teenagers, our relationships went through phases.

Some times were magnificent, like a tree in full bloom. We just seemed to click, and my heart overflowed with love and gratitude.

Other days, we had difficult issues to work through, or they seemed withdrawn. I felt very disconnected from them.

It was easy to remember the way they were before, and that left me with a feeling of loss.

I had a choice. I could regret what I had in the moment - or I could find a way to shift my own emotional energy.

I did that by looking for things to appreciate. It worked every time. It took me from disappointment to gratitude.

In what ways do your children blossom?

Do you take the time to be with them and share those moments with them?

What happens when the moment has passed? Can you appreciate your children even on ordinary days, when nothing special is bursting forth - or even when they are out of sorts and taking it out on you?

Can you look past all of that?

Can you see the beauty that is before you today?

Look at your children. Look until you see something that you appreciate.

Take a few minutes to feel your gratitude for the gift that they bring to your life right now. No comparisons with other children. No longing for a different time when things seemed better between you.

Just appreciate the child who is before you today.

3. Plant the seeds and tend the garden:

All around us, tulips and daffodils are springing up in a bright profusion of color.

Some yards are like vibrant paintings. Other yards are like blank canvases. Nothing is blooming.

What does that tell me?

If we want our children to blossom, we need to learn the lessons of the garden.

Flowers do not appear magically. Someone planted the seeds or the bulbs, and the sun and rain work together to draw the plants out of their winter hibernation.

So it is with our children.

What words do you say to your children? How do act when you are with them? These are the seeds that you plant.

What is the emotional atmosphere like in your home? This is the soil in which the seeds will either grow or whither.

Is it warm and life-affirming?

Is it inviting and welcoming, so your children feel, not only safe, but encouraged to express themselves?

If so, then they will blossom before your eyes.

Pat and Larry Downing have many years of experience counseling teenagers and their parents, conducting family mediations and leading workshops and support groups. They are co-authors of the e-Book, "Feel Good Parenting: How to Use the Power of Your Heart to Create an Extraordinary Relationship with Your Child."

For more information on how to create relationships that are peaceful, harmonious, cooperative and joyful, you may go to go to http://www.feelgoodparenting.com/ to sign up for a free e-Course and a free e-zine for parents.

Copyright © 2005 by Patricia Downing

PERMISSION TO REPUBLISH: This article may be republished in newsletters and on websites, provided you include ALL the above information about the authors, as it appears, including copyright information and live website link.

---

Invented Spelling --- Another Alice-in-Wonderland Public-School Theory

As part of the whole-language (or "balanced") reading-instruction philosophy, many... Read More

Teenagers in America Today

"Family Matters" was the headline that caught my attention in... Read More

Child Abuse - Survey & Comments

Beyond cases reported to authorities, little knowledge exists on the... Read More

Mutants or Clones?

In a single dose of children's television, I was bombarded... Read More

MORAL ARMORS Irrational Parenting, Part I

"If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think... Read More

The Real Problem With Todays Teenagers (And Why Most Parents Just Dont Get It!)

An address given by Rev. David B. Smith... Read More

Parenting Problem? 5 Simple Things That Will Help

What is a parenting problem?Parenting is a tough job, we... Read More

Useful Jogger Stroller Accessories

There are many useful jogger stroller accessories out on the... Read More

The Added Advantage In African American Childrens Education: Computer Homeschooling (Part 2)

We've got spirit, yes we do! We've got spirit how... Read More

The Worlds Greatest Dad

You are in the final round of your favorite game... Read More

Financially Stable Kids ? Prepared for College

We are all familiar with the stories that most students... Read More

How Useful Are Bed Wetting Alarms

Whenever parents discuss how to deal with bed wetting, the... Read More

The Effects of Televised Sexual Content on Adolescents

According to a September 2004 study by the RAND Corporation,... Read More

An Overview of Alternative Treatments for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder

Since so many would rather avoid the use of stimulant... Read More

No Invitation Needed: Sacred Children Series - 3 of 3

I had my first two children on either side of... Read More

Best Tips for Stress Free Child Party Games

When planning a child birthday party, just a little bit... Read More

Are Public Schools Anti-Parent?

Some public schools try to turn children against their parents... Read More

What You Should Know About Counseling for Attention Deficit Disorder

At the ADHD Information Library we are big believers that... Read More

Is There Any Real Use For A Fun Quiz?

Q. I don't like my children spending so much time... Read More

Ultimate Airplane Themed Games & Activities for your Childs Birthday Party

Are you looking for the Ultimate Airplane Themed Party Games... Read More

How To Teach Your Children Love

I was in the life insurance sales industry for over... Read More

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder: What is Impulsivity?

Impulsivity is one of the hallmarks of people with Attention... Read More

Child Separation Anxiety: Does Your Child Have It?

If you are a parent, then more than likely you... Read More

The Benefits of Music Education

Despite serious reductions in funding for arts programs in... Read More

Pieces of Time and Pivotal Moments

Life is comprised of pieces of time sprinkled with pivotal... Read More

From Good to GREAT: Secrets On Becoming A Better Dad

While most fathers aspire to become the best Dads they... Read More

Effective Troubled Teen Programs

Not all parents subscribe to the notion of "tough love,"... Read More

Book Review: How to Get Your Child to Love Reading

How to Get Your Child to Love Reading was conceived... Read More

The B Word

Former students would probably attest to the fact that few... Read More

Renee?s Mommy is Here

I still remember the scene vividly. I was getting out... Read More

Just Average

What do you mean average? Not good? Just doing good... Read More

Some Tips for Healthy Parenting

Looking back through my files I've come across several great... Read More

Teaching Preschool Color and Shapes with Family Games

My kids just can't get enough of playing games with... Read More