Parenting Your Teenager: Teens and Violence

I have a bit of a different response than most therapists to the often asked question:

"How can all this teen violence be happening?"

My questions are:

"How could this not be happening"

and

"Why doesn't it happen even more often?"

Here's what I mean by these questions - although there are many more factors involved, just consider these three:

1) kids listen to increasingly violent music, see increasingly violent movies and TV shows, and play increasingly violent video games. All of these without any focus on the real life, long term consequences of violence.

2) kids have more and more easy access to weapons that can maim and kill

3) more and more kids get no moral education, and walk around with an underdeveloped conscious at best, and at worst, no conscious at all.

It doesn't take a rocket scientist or a psychologist to get it that these three ingredients alone are a prescription for disaster.

Warning signs

No one really knows exactly why one kid will snap and another one won't. At the same time, here a few warning signs for parents and others to watch for:

a history and enjoyment of violent behavior

an inability to feel and/or show remorse

excessive fascination with violent video games and movies

easy access to weapons

little or no parental/adult supervision

little or no impulse control

recent rejections, disappointments or loss of hope

violent and/or suicidal thoughts, threats or other speech

the loss of someone close, either through death, a move, or a break up

a friend or someone they look up to taking a recent violent action

Again, it's important to remember that kid A could have most or all of these signs and become violent, while kid B could have the same signs and not go off. The most important question to answer, I believe, is what can we do to prevent this kind of stuff in our kids.

Here are a few suggestions:

Know your kid's world. I realize every parent thinks they know the world of their kid, but do you really? Do you know what kind of lyrics and music is going into their brains all day? Have you looked at the lyrics? Do you know what games they play, what movies they watch? Are you sure? The reason I am so adamant about this is I believe that if enough parents really knew what was going on out there, the stuff I hear every day, there would be some type of revolution.

In the words of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young, "teach your children well." Teach them:

when someone is beaten up or severely hurt, it takes a long time to heal, physically and emotionally

when someone is killed, they are gone, do not come back, and people grieve their loss

if you get hit like guys get hit on TV wrestling, you don't get up, you go to the hospital

how to problem solve without violence

what to do with the anger and rage we all experience.

And last but not least, run, don't walk, to your nearest bookstore and pick up a copy of Stephen Glenn's book "Raising Self-Reliant Children in a Self-Indulgent World." In it you will find the results of Glenn's research into the problems of youth, the Significant Seven Factors that separate high risk kids from low risk kids and how to encourage them in your family.

Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

---

What You Can Learn About Life From Your Children

You can learn a lot from children.The best part of... Read More

Ritalin (Methylphenidate) in the Treatment of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder

Ritalin is a good medication with a bad reputation. Its... Read More

Say No to Mealtime Mayhem: Eating Out With Your Baby or Toddler

Many parenting books advise against eating out with young children.... Read More

Over-Indulgence And Over-Attentiveness - Two Dangers Parents Must Avoid!

We're all familiar with the over-indulgent parent. But there's another... Read More

Backpacks and Bullies. Is Your Child Prepared?

As the flurry of Back to School activities subside, parents... Read More

Quality Time with Your Teen

It's sometimes difficult to find ways to be involved with... Read More

Swing Sets and Outdoor Play Equipment- 5 Essential Tips Before You Buy

For first time parents choosing a swing set or outdoor... Read More

Is My Child Lazy?

Is there a difference between lazy and unmotivated? Why do... Read More

Parenting Your Adolescent: 3 Powerful Steps to Being an In-Charge Parent

Q. How do I overcome the 16-year-old who does things... Read More

How to Stop Divorce Parental Conflict from Bursting?

It is not the divorce but the conflict arising after... Read More

After the Driving School

If you visit search engines you can find several resources... Read More

The Most Powerful Question a Parent Can Ask?

The question I have for you drives right to the... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: The Trust Issue

Q. How do we decide what our teens should be... Read More

Partnering With Your Daycare or Preschool

For the most positive daycare experience for your child, partner... Read More

Minimizing Homework Hassles

John Bishop's Goal Setting for Students.comParents ? Minimize Homework Hassles?It's... Read More

Being A Mum - It?s About Them And Not About You!

So you want to be a mum? Every time you... Read More

Graduated Driver Licensing (GDL) for Teen Drivers

Drivers 16 years of age have little driving experience, putting... Read More

How To Entertain A Child While Working From A Home Office

There is no doubt that the benefits of being a... Read More

Best Investment

Every week I write something about the stock market -... Read More

Why Do People Have Kids?

Despite the theory that people have kids because they want... Read More

Parenting: Blending Familes - 9 Universal Laws

The law of -ing.The law of -ing refers to a... Read More

Advocating for Your Child with LD

Advocate: you've probably heard the term before. But what does... Read More

Homeschool Socialization - Developing Your Homeschool Childs Social Skills

Everyone needs friends, and, as parents, you and I both... Read More

Communications for Family Emergencies

You know that children can get into trouble. The older... Read More

Are Public Schools Anti-Parent?

Some public schools try to turn children against their parents... Read More

Difference

There are times when my ideas of raising a child... Read More

How to Create an Emotional Bond with Your Child

One of the most powerful tools that parents have for... Read More

Andy Griffith Show Family Lessons

Although it might seem pretty corny to a lot of... Read More

Role Models for Your Teen

By the time your children reach their teens, there is... Read More

Children Need Roots and Wings

"Good parents give their children Roots and Wings." --Jonas SalkThe... Read More

The Metamorphosis of The Brain: Raising Your child to be a Brainiac

The human brain never actually stops developing. Beginning formation in... Read More

Let Kids Help

One fantastic way to get your children involved in what... Read More

Let Your Children Name the New Baby

Choosing a baby name is an important job, so make... Read More