10 Steps To Prepare You For Life With Children

It's hard to explain to the uninitiated the changes that a child will bring to your life - nothing is quite the same again. If you are an expectant father (or even mother) or just considering the prospect of parenthood, do the following 10-step program so you can learn what you're in for.

1. Go to the nearest doctor's surgery, pharmacy, clothes store, shoe store or sports store and empty your wallet onto the counter. This will be a regular occurrence well into the next millennium. The method of transaction may change but the continuous action of handing over your money will not.

2. Set your alarm for midnight, then every hour after that. Get up and walk to the furthest bedroom because that is what you will do at some stage, either to feed a baby or return a night-stalker to his room. Let your workmates see you with sleep deprivation - they will get used to it.

3. Put on your best clothes, mash a banana with custard and pour the contents over yourself. Smear it in. This will help your prepare for feeding time with a toddler. Don't bother smearing food over your old or worn-out clothes because kids won't spill anything on them. They know when you're wearing your best oufit before they strike.

4. Arrange a simple outing. Perhaps to have a quick drink with a friend. Give yourself two hours to prepare. Make sure you dress yourself in five minutes so you can spend the rest of the time packing the car. Make sure you pack food. Go out to the car and come back. Repeat this process again and again. Then drive round the block and return. You need to get used to forgetting some object such a child's favourite blanket or teddy.

5. Grab a book, sit down and open it. Make sure you get to an absorbing or exciting part, then get up to do part of a jigsaw puzzle, or turn on the tap for a child who wants a drink, or put together a 1000-piece Lego pirate ship. Return to your book but don't read any further. Go into the kitchen and chop up an orange or an apple for snack food. Go back to your book but don't read any further. Get up and yell something about not fighting because you're trying to relax.

6. Stand in front of the mirror and verbally abuse yourself. Tell yourself that you are silly, that you are unfair and that you really hate yourself. Your kids will tell you if you won't.

7. Cover your hands with jam and wander through the house, touching as many items of furniture as possible. Rub your hands along the walls. Turn on the TV and push the channel buttons a few times. Step in puddles then come inside and walk over your best chairs.

8. Bring in a load of tools and tip them over the middle of the living room floor. Leave them there all day.

9. Take three untrained puppies shopping with you - but not on a lead. Buy what you need without letting them out of your sight.

10. Put a snake on your lap next time you phone a friend. This is what your child as a two year-old will feel like whenever you make a call. Next time you want to make a call, wait two hours before picking up the phone. This is the average length of a teenager's phone conversation. Get used to it because that is how long you will have to wait to make your own call.

For further information to help you enjoy the parenting journey read Great Ideas for Tired Parents by Michael Grose available at the shop at www.parentingideas.com.au.

Michael Grose is leading parent educator and author of six books.

For great ideas to help you raise happy, confident kids visit http://www.parentingideas.com.au, and subscribe to Happy Kids, Michael's quality email newsletter. Take a free online parenting course and any of Michael's informative articles

---

Introduction to the Medications Used in the Treatment of Attention Deficit Disorder

There are several treatment options available to help improve the... Read More

Is Your Teen Swamped with Homework and Tests?

I hear from many parents that their child is stressed... Read More

How Being a Mom Makes You a Better Professional

"Becoming a parent can make you a better worker," New... Read More

Parenting - The Irrational Vocation

There are some grounds to assume that a cognitive dissonance... Read More

Powerful Tips for Increasing Your Childs Self-Esteem

Here is a list of ways to convey the message... Read More

Picky Eater Syndrome

'Picky Eater' is a label coined to describe the phenomenon... Read More

Homeschooling --- A Superior Education For Your Child

Home-schooling provides children with a superior education. Parents can quickly... Read More

Handling Failure -- Teaching Kids How to Profit From It

There is nothing pleasant about failure, at least not at... Read More

How Effective Are Ritalin and Dexedrine in Treating the Symptoms of ADHD?

Many research studies have shown the overall effectiveness of stimulant... Read More

Positive Parenting - Oops! I Really Lost My Temper With My Kids, What Now?

Ever blown your top to your children, only to regret... Read More

Back to School Feng Shui

Every school year parents and students dutifully trudge through the... Read More

Influencing Adolescents - Guided Democracy

You need to smart to be able influence adolescents. You... Read More

How To Homeschool Without Making Your Child An Outcast

If you are currently homeschooling or considering homeschooling your child,... Read More

Ten Ways to Help Your Child Make Friends

Nothing touches the heartstrings of a parent or teacher more... Read More

Tips for Parents of Teenagers: Dont Just Survive - Thrive!

What makes parenting so challenging at times? One widespread research... Read More

Helping Your Children Develop Their Self-Discipline

We want our children to do the right thing, especially... Read More

The Hardest Job I Ever Had

I used to have a really challenging job. It was... Read More

Hearing Our Seriously Distressed Children

How do we deal with our seriously distressed children and... Read More

Mommie Moments ? Taking Time For Yourself

Being a parent is a role that requires a large... Read More

The Giving Jar

Giving with a happy heart. If you teach a child... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: Late vs. Too Late, and 5 More Sure Fire Tips

Late vs. Too LateEvery now and then, I'll hear a... Read More

Some Good News About Blended Families

They Spur Members To Grow EmotionallyTatiana Tannenbaum grappled with a... Read More

Trip, Trip, Trip... Here Is Your Night Visitor Again!

Night Visits From Your ChildIn the middle of the night... Read More

Couch Potatoes Beware!

It's no surprise that the self-image and self-esteem of overweight... Read More

Parenting Univeristy: Potty Training 101

When your child shows signs of potty training readiness, it's... Read More

Your Child?s Self-Esteem is in The Cards

Research has shown that the present generation of children worldwide... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: How to Say NO!

Q: Whenever we tell my daughter "no," she just bugs... Read More

Top 20+ Reasons to Pay your Kid an Allowance

1. They can make mistakes under your guidance2. They will... Read More

Playful Parenting - More than Just Fun and Games

Early childhood educators have called play "children's work". Many parents... Read More

Guilty of Not Following Her Heart

Karen, a single never-married thirty-year old attorney has a four-year... Read More

Being A Mum - It?s About Them And Not About You!

So you want to be a mum? Every time you... Read More

Summer Survival

Summer Survival The... Read More

Parents Complaints --- Arrogant Public Schools Turn a Deaf Ear

School authorities continually claim that they want more parent cooperation... Read More