How to Parent Your Teen Effectively

Maintain Communication

Even though teens need to separate from their parents during adolescence, they also need to know that the safety net of home and family is always there for them. If the lines of communication are shut down, they are not yet capable of surviving emotionally; they need support and input. Let's take a look at a few guidelines for keeping the lines of communication open between parents and teenagers.

1. Pay attention to the small things along with the significant things. If you are generally a good listener, your teen will be more likely to talk to you.

2. When your teen talks to you, pay attention. Don't be doing something else.

3. If you can't pay attention right at the moment, explain why. Ask if you can talk about the issue later, at a specific time.

4. Ask questions for clarification, but watch out for coming across as critical. If your teen sees your questions as disapproval, stop asking them.

5. Expect your teen to change his mind frequently. Avoid commenting on the inconsistencies.

6. Express interest and encouragement in your teen's activities.

7. Accept your teen's opinions, even if you don't agree with them. Preventing High-Risk Behavior

All parents fear their teens becoming involved in high-risk behaviors such as drinking, smoking, and sexual activity. There are some very specific things you can do to minimize your teen's need to act out. Here are some tips for preventing high-risk behavior:

1. Be a part of your teen's life. If possible, be present when she is likely to be home.

2. Encourage your teen to talk to you openly at any time.

3. When your teen tells you things, watch your reaction. Avoid reactions that will cause him to think twice about being candid with you in the future.

4. Be specific about what kind of behavior you expect and what is unacceptable.

5. Keep harmful substances out of the house. This includes cigarettes, drugs, and alcohol. When teens have access to these items, they are more likely to use them.

6. Expect good things from your teen. Teens who know their parents expect the best have greater emotional well-being.

7. Encourage your teen to become involved in school activities. Those who are involved at school engage in fewer high-risk behaviors.

Preventing Teen Substance Abuse

Now let's talk about some of the risks that teens face. First, let's look at drugs and alcohol. These are a few things you can do to help your teen stay away from drugs and alcohol.

1. State your expectations clearly.

2. Pay attention to where your teen is.

3. When your teen leaves home, ask her to tell you where she is going. Ask for specifics.

4. If your teen says he is going one place but actually goes somewhere else, consider restricting his freedom for awhile.

5. Remember that your teen is innocent until proven guilty. Stay open to the possibility that there is a reasonable explanation for any story you might hear.

6. Build relationships with other parents and agree on the rules. If none of the kids in the group have complete freedom, there will be less peer pressure and more safety.

Teen Depression

Teens are known for their mood swings. It is common for them to feel sad or gloomy. Many parents become concerned about a teen's moods.

Depression is different from the blues because it lasts longer and is more intense. Clinical depression is an illness that can lead to very serious problems, with lifelong implications. Some of the warning signs that your teen may have something more serious than the blues are:

1. She shows less interest in her appearance.

2. She seems to feel hopeless.

3. He seems to hate himself.

4. He seems indifferent about most things.

5. She seems numb.

6. She lacks energy.

7. He talks or thinks about death and dying.

8. He changes his sleeping or eating habits.

9. She loses interest in her friends or hobbies.

10. She stops caring about her pets or cherished possessions.

11. He has a sudden change in his grades at school.

12. He complains of extraordinary stress.

13. She withdraws from people.

If you think your teen's mood may be depression, here are some things you can do about it:

1. Talk to your teen about how he is feeling. Help him get it off his chest. Encourage him to think of solutions to what is bothering him.

2. Encourage your teen to participate in some kind of physical activity.

3. Check in with her more often than usual.

4. If these steps don't help and the problem seems serious, call a school counselor, teacher, or doctor. Ask for a referral to a qualified, licensed professional who specializes in working with adolescents who have emotional problems.

Eating Disorders

Eating disorders affect more girls than boys during adolescence. They are emotional disorders that require the intervention of a health professional before they become life-threatening. If you think your teen suffers from either anorexia or bulimia, do not hesitate to seek the advice of your physician. Early treatment greatly enhances the chances of recovery.

These are the warning signs for anorexia:

1. She has lost 25% of normal body weight without being on a diet.

2. She has a distorted body image.

3. She diets constantly even though she is thin.

4. She fears gaining weight.

5. Her menstrual periods have stopped (this is known as amenorrhea).

6. She is preoccupied with food, calories, and eating.

7. She exercises excessively.

8. She binges and purges.

The warning signs for bulimia include the following:

1. She eats uncontrollably (binges), often in secret.

2. She purges by vomiting, abusing laxatives or diuretics, or vigorously exercising. She may also compensate for eating with strict dieting or fasting.

3. She frequently visits the bathroom after eating a meal.

4. She is preoccupied with her body weight.

5. She experiences depression or mood swings.

6. She has irregular periods.

7. She has dental problems, swollen cheek glands, or is bloated.

If you think your teen suffers from either anorexia or bulimia, do not hesitate to seek the advice of your physician. Early treatment greatly enhances the chances of recovery.

How to Build Your Teen's Self-Esteem

Having strong self-esteem is critical, especially during the teen years. This is true for the following reasons:

? Self-esteem is a significant factor in how each of us manages our life.

? How we feel about ourselves guides the choices we make, how we feel, how we respond to events, and just about everything else we do.

? Strong self-esteem enables us to make constructive choices for ourselves and others.

? When our self-esteem is weak, we tend to make choices based on what others think and want, rather than on what is really best for us.

You can help your teen build and maintain his or her self-esteem in the following ways:

1. Listen to what your teen is saying to you, in words and actions.

2. Ask your teen's opinion about things and accept it.

3. Ask why he thinks the way he does.

4. Remind yourself that your teen needs to differentiate herself from you. That is her job as an adolescent, and it is healthy. Allow her to do it.

5. Let him know that you love him.

6. Let her know that you will always be there for her.

7. Give him permission to explore ideas.

8. Don't be threatened when she expresses herself.

9. Encourage him to express his feelings appropriately.

Garrett Coan is a professional therapist,coach and psychotherapist. His two Northern New Jersey office locations are accessible to individuals who reside in Bergen County, Essex County, Passaic County, Rockland County, and Manhattan. He offers online and telephone coaching and counseling services for those who live at a distance. He can be accessed through http://www.creativecounselors.com or 201-303-4303.

---

Picky Eater - Fighting the Good Fight

Often, the struggle at dinnertime with your picky eater is... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: Are Sleep Overs with the Opposite Sex OK?

Q. Our 17-year-old son wants us to let his girlfriend... Read More

Finding Answers to Underachievement

Finding answers to a child's underachievement is often a difficult... Read More

Spend Time Not Money With The Kids This Winter

Spending quality time with your children doesn't need to cost... Read More

Challenges for Our Children

Researchers have estimated that 25-35% of children in the United... Read More

The Most Powerful Question a Parent Can Ask?

The question I have for you drives right to the... Read More

Teaching Problem Solving Skills to Children with ADHD

Even though the "Stop and Think" movement in ADHD treatment... Read More

Things To Teach Your Teenage Driver

Is it hard to communicate with your teenager about issues... Read More

The Homeopathic Nutraceutical Attend as an Alternative to Ritalin

You no longer have to use Ritalin or other stimulants... Read More

Develop Your Childs Genius - Right Brain/Left Brain Coordination

No matter how old your children are, you have an... Read More

Home And School Education - Your Kids Can Benefit From Both!

Once, as a Learning Support Teacher, I made my way... Read More

Let Kids Help

One fantastic way to get your children involved in what... Read More

Parental Involvement in Learning

Whether children attend public or private schools, they benefit when... Read More

Guide Your Kids! This 3-D Map Leads to Character

A tall, weary-looking mother with glasses, walked into my counseling... Read More

Backpacks and Bullies. Is Your Child Prepared?

As the flurry of Back to School activities subside, parents... Read More

15 New Years and Holiday Resolutions For Parents

Have you made your usual New Year resolutions? You know... Read More

MORAL ARMORS Irrational Parenting, Part II

Handing Down Malignancy.Children may begin bright and eager to face... Read More

What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?

Q. "What do you want to be when you grow... Read More

Teacher Tips: Your Room Set-Up and ADHD Students

Thank you to all of our professional educators who dedicate... Read More

Back to School Care Packages!

I am crying tears of joy mixed with great sadness... Read More

Sanity Savers For Busy Mums Page

Question 1 "How do I get more time to play?"... Read More

Disciplining the Wild Child

Do you have a wild child? Then this article may... Read More

SMUT Spelled Backwards is TUMS

Why are more people, especially parents not outraged?I call it... Read More

Kids, Chores & More

Are you a frustrated parent who sometimes finds it is... Read More

Can Mineral Deficiencies Lead to Behavioral Problems in Children?

A while ago I received this story from David in... Read More

The Seven Keys to Child Obedience

Learning obedience is an important part of child development. This... Read More

Pipe Down!

Life is funny.My twenty-year-old daughter, Melanie, has a her new... Read More

Simple Tricks To Help You And Your Kids To Find Friends

One of the most prevalent problems of the computer age... Read More

Uniforms

Direct Answers - Column for the week of May 31,... Read More

Kids and Sports: Fundamentals First

Would you hand a child calculus problems once she was... Read More

Guide to Choosing LEGO Toys for Children

If you're looking for toys that are both fun to... Read More

Spare the Child, Ditch the Rod

Spare the rod, spoil the child!This philosophy's been around a... Read More

Discipline

Discipline is a necessary part of parenting yet it makes... Read More