Now, Theyre Bullying My Daughter In Our Home: Welcome To Cyber-Bullying

Last night Tom's daughter, Sue, came out of her room to see her dad and said, "I got another one of those instant messages. It says, 'tomorrow you had better not show up at school or else'." She has been getting messages like this now for weeks. The result of this is that she no longer likes to turn her computer on.

Sue is now 14 years-old and in the 8th grade. She has been bullied at school for a number of years and they have had a difficult time getting the Principal and teachers to put a stop to it.

Sue has two disadvantages that make her a target. First, she has always had a weight problem, not extremely heavy but just a little over weight. Second, her last name is hard to pronounce. This has led to numerous ways to say and spell her name. They have been very creative and cruel. Tom is aware that she needs to lose about 20 pounds but what can he do about his name, change it?

This should come as no surprise to anyone, but as technology changes we all adjust; unfortunately, so do the bullies. Bullying has gone wireless. These are situations our children face that we never did.

How does this happen? The internet, cell phones with text messaging, instant messaging, camera phones and e-mail are the bullies new tools.

This is coming to a school near you if it hasn't already. The concerns involving cyber-bullying include:

1. Cyberbullying can be much more damaging psychologically and can be much more intense.

2. It creates a barrier between the bully and the victim. This can make anyone who normally wouldn't be a bully now becomes a potential bully because there is no face to face contact. Smaller students have found a way to act tough.

3. It is very difficult to catch the bully. When the victim is suspected or caught their defense is that it was someone else impersonating me or someone must of used my password.

4. Camera phones is making cyber-bullying more creative. Taking someone's picture and then manipulating it. When finished it is posted on a web site or e-mailed out. Imagine getting an e-mail of a nude individual with your face attached to it, and you're only a teenager.

5. Many think this is a joke and not as serious as bullying face to face.

Parents must be aware

Many kids, including Sue, do not want to report this problem to their parents for fear of how their parents may react. Many believe their parents will take away their cell phone, computer, or internet access. This is an obvious solution to stopping the messages, but it is only a temporary one. Sue feels harassed by the bully and punished by her parents when her equipment is removed. This is a double punishment for her.

SOLUTIONS are available - ask questions and act as if you're unfamiliar with the topic. For example, Have you ever heard of anyone receiving improper messages on their phone? Does anyone at school use their camera phones for taking pictures of others who don't want their picture taken? Then Sue's dad should educate her about each situation and how to handle it when and if it arises.

Text Messaging ­ When Sue receives an obscene message, threat, or abusive message on her phone teach her to not respond. Your wireless provider should be notified to see how they handle this situation.

Chat-rooms and Instant Messaging ­ This is what we need to teach Sue:

1. She should never give out her personal information.

2. She should not share her password.

3. If Sue receives inappropriate messages, have her disconnect or block the sender.

4. She should not respond to inappropriate messages. We do not want a dialogue to begin.

5. She should avoid giving out the name of her school.

6. No child should ever agree to meet anyone from a chat-room. That 17 year-old stud just may be a 53 year -old bald man with a pot belly.

E-Mail ­ Once again, when Sue is sent an inappropriate email, she should not respond. Go to the source button to find out information on tracking where it was sent from. If it was sent from someone at school, then print the e-mail to use as proof. Sue's parents can contact the school or their service provider to see what options are available. If there are threats involved, then contacting the police is always an option.

Look into e-mail filters, creating folders for these e-mails, and spam software to block them. Whatever you choose, it will never be 100% perfect in blocking unwanted e-mails.

Here are some warning signs that Sue's dad needs to be aware of and Sue needs to inform an adult if she comes across these:

· If anyone insists on having her send her personnel information to the online "buddy."

· If she is sent messages, pictures, or offered gifts and told not to share these them with anyone.

· If she is requested to send pictures of herself to the e-mailer.

Remember adults do not make friends with children over the internet, then tell the child to keep it quiet without a purpose.

Handling the topic of cyber-bullying with your child before it becomes a problem will make it easier when and if it becomes a problem. Your child needs your guidance and ignoring this issue does not help or support anyone who is a victim of cyber-bullying.

Derek Randel is a parent coach who consults and works with parents in removing the yelling from their home. He has started http://www.stoppingschoolviolence.com a program for parents to help stop bullying. He has authored three parenting books.

---

Is Your Teen Swamped with Homework and Tests?

I hear from many parents that their child is stressed... Read More

Who Are You When the Professional In You Meets Baby?

Are you a professional?Notice how the questions differs from, "Do... Read More

Facing the Homeschool Super Mom

I know this Mom. She homeschools her 5 children, plus... Read More

Help! My Kids Dont Listen to Me

Does this sound familiar? Have your kids not listened to... Read More

How to Teach Anger Management to Your Child

Most of us recognize the continuing escalation of violence around... Read More

Childrens Allowance

When we consider that the word allowance means, "allowing for,"... Read More

Selecting A Quality Day Care Center

Many working families choose a commercial or individual day care... Read More

What Are Your Children Really Watching?

Saturday mornings. Cold cereal and Scooby Doo. How many parents... Read More

The Symtoms Of Meningitis And Septicaemia

Meningitis is an inflammation of the membranes around the brain... Read More

The POWER of Your Words

Words are truly powerful things. They are something that becomes... Read More

Intermission: Wood Chips

I wanted to share with you one of the most... Read More

Hold a Childs Birthday Party for Charity

As a parent, you probably know that the birthday party... Read More

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder: What Do We Mean by Attention Anyway?

When we talk about attention, we are talking about two... Read More

Parenting Styles - Overcoming Your Differences

If you spend any time in the parenting section of... Read More

A Place For Everything: Its Childs Play

What parent hasn't gone into a son's or daughter's room... Read More

War Declared On Instant Messenger: How to Stop Your Child from Wasting Their Life Away Online

Hey Parents! I hate to tell you, but there is... Read More

How Do I Get My Child to Read?

Well first off, please to don't institute the ½ hour... Read More

The ADHD Parents Guide: Questions for the School

Here is something that you might want to keep if... Read More

Should We Apologize To Our Children?

An apology is a sign of strength, not weakness. Sometimes... Read More

More Water, Not Less, Will Help End Bedwetting

Children are notoriously bad at drinking enough liquids. They are... Read More

Cloning; is it for you?

What would it be like to have a clone? What... Read More

Raise Your Child to Be a Leader Not a Follower

Your child's leadership skills begin at the family dinner table.... Read More

Parents Dealing with Worry and Fear

Dear Vijay,I worry about not being a good parent. My... Read More

Is Your Child Becoming A Praise Junkie?

Do you praise your child when he fulfils a basic... Read More

6 Signs You?re A High Maintenance Parent

The children of Baby Boomers, the Echo Generation, are entering... Read More

What a Parent Must Do to Stop Online Predators

Teens can freely access the Internet from computers at school,... Read More

Coping with the Stress of Moving Home and Childrens Concerns

Moving house can be an emotional experience for adults, so... Read More

Childrens Books And Educational Toys - Can They Still Be Fun And Have Educational Value

It was no contest. Given a choice between a ball... Read More

The ABCs of Raising Twins

As a mother of two sets of fraternal boy/girl twins,... Read More

Motherhood is a Perfect Adventure

How often do you think of family life as an... Read More

Parenting Failure? It May Not Be All It Seems!

I'll never forget my first lesson in a glider.I'd been... Read More

Loving Your Step-Children

Loving your step-child can be both simple and hard. It... Read More

Your Kids Career - Whose Choice?

A strange thing happened to me today. Or more precisely,... Read More