I have three children, ages 19 and 16 (yes, the 16 year-olds are twins!) My older son just mailed his college deposit and will leave for school sometime in August. Thinking back over the past few years, I've just realized my children have been spreading their wings to fly away for sometime now.
Your life begins to change as your child enters high school, whether you like it or not. Boy, did I not like the changes. Many of your family's practices change, just because your children won't always be around for them. Accepting these changes as gracefully as possible is part of your maturation as a parent.
Family dinners were our first casualty. I grew up in a family that dined together every day, especially at dinner. We continued that practice when our children were younger. But sports practices, play rehearsals, invitations to friends' houses began to leave kids' places vacant at the dinner table. Or you'll get exactly the opposite ? everyone's girlfriend or boyfriend comes over unexpectedly for dinner. I've learned to plan plenty for dinner, and then enjoy leftovers for lunch the next day if everyone isn't here.
Family vacations were our second casualty. Summer school, sports camps, pre-season workouts or band camps filled up our summer schedule and kept us from vacationing as a family. We've split into smaller groups to vacation; each parent gets his own set of children to attend a family reunion or Scout camp. While this feels like a loss, it's hard to imagine a place where your child wouldn't be mortified to be seen with you! Maybe this is for the best anyway!
Parent peace of mind was our third casualty. When your child gets a driver's license, your peace of mind vanishes instantaneously until he or she proves to be responsible behind the wheel. Not only does your automobile insurance skyrocket, but your anxiety does too. My older son let us off easy; he didn't get his driver's license until he was seventeen. (Statistically, older teens are less likely to die in fatal car crashes than younger ones). My 16-year old daughter gives me fits. She says all the right things. ("Dad, I'll not take more than one other friend in the car" ? our state restricts the number of passengers younger teens can carry to limit distractions ? but caves in to peer pressure.) We take away her driving privileges when she does something dangerous, which is a pain to have to drive her around again. I told her I'd rather she hate me for the rest of her life than I have to bury her! Continue parenting to keep them safe, but not so tightly that they don't learn responsibility and earn your trust.
Your heart expands as your child matures. You have to pull back, let him or her try things and learn from successes and failures. You can't teach them vicariously; they have to learn it for themselves. Holding onto them too tightly causes them to push you away even harder, so why fight it. Let your relationship begin to blossom, and look at them as about to be minted adults and let your relationship begin to change.
Copyright 2005, Fruition Coaching. All rights reserved.
Rick Hanes is a life and career coach, writer, outdoorsman, gardener and tireless advocate for living life with purpose and passion. He founded Fruition Coaching in 2004 to lead the fight against leading lives of quiet desperation. Check his website at http://www.fruitioncoaching.com to contact him about rekindling the fire of your life!
Most teens go into the work world ill-prepared to manage... Read More
Do you remember how you first learned the alphabet? I... Read More
For the first year or two of life outside the... Read More
Imagine yourself lying flat on your back, totally strapped down... Read More
Before my daughter was born my house was... Read More
The choices are mind numbing. Walk into any toy store... Read More
Direct Answers - Column for the week of May 31,... Read More
Having a baby is one of the most exciting times... Read More
"My son won't go to bed at night without a... Read More
Today the little red school house is not what it... Read More
The key to a successful car wash fundraiser event is... Read More
Child tantrums are a way for children to express their... Read More
A small town, somewhere in the world, was managed by... Read More
Gift shops are a kid magnet and often a trip... Read More
Successful parents have learned to be both firm and kind... Read More
It's no surprise that the self-image and self-esteem of overweight... Read More
Did you know that cooking with your kids is a... Read More
Unfortunately each year many young children drown in swimming pools,... Read More
Mommy (Daddy), Why do those people want to hurt everyone?Last... Read More
As a mother of two sets of fraternal boy/girl twins,... Read More
There are some grounds to assume that a cognitive dissonance... Read More
Maintaining a safe home environment for your childrenAs adults and... Read More
Salon visits can be scary experiences for small children: They... Read More
They Spur Members To Grow EmotionallyTatiana Tannenbaum grappled with a... Read More
One of the most prevalent myths of our modern culture... Read More
What is in a name?The answer is everything!Jo J. of... Read More
IntroductionAs a parent who wants the best for your children,... Read More
I am a single mother of a 17 year old... Read More
Home-schooling provides children with a superior education. Parents can quickly... Read More
Research has shown that the present generation of children worldwide... Read More
It is extraordinary times that we find ourselves in. Change... Read More
Is Homework Really That Important?Dear Friends,I no longer teach in... Read More
10 Fun Things You Can Do With Your Children this... Read More
"There is nothing new under the sun," states Ecclesiastes 1:9.... Read More
Picture this. Your child comes home with a special assignment... Read More
The older my daughter gets the more it's sinking in... Read More
What's in a name? Er?well, everything, really! Of course your... Read More
Children explore the world around them and learn through pretend... Read More
There isn't a school day that goes by that I... Read More
Recently, a parent came to me, conflicted over whether to... Read More
Finding out that a child has been born with a... Read More
The children of Baby Boomers, the Echo Generation, are entering... Read More
Reading is the most important skill that a child must... Read More
The purpose of this article is to address some of... Read More
Many families do not want to believe their child is... Read More
First there were Yuppies (Young Urban Professionals). Then came the... Read More
John Bishop's Goal Setting for Students.comLegacy to Your ChildrenIt's 6:30... Read More
Here in Kansas, where we live, the leaves are turning... Read More
Everyone knows that exercise is good for your health. Exercising... Read More
After giving up my profession to become a wife, a... Read More
Gift shops are a kid magnet and often a trip... Read More
Now is an excellent time to have your child's vision... Read More
ADHD comes in differenty forms, or types. What... Read More
Here's the scene of communication with your child: your three-year-old... Read More
Although nothing anybody says can ever completely prepare a woman... Read More
'And all because of a damned cat! It's only a... Read More
"Before every action, ask yourself: Will this bring more monkeys... Read More
Fizzy sherbet in a paper bag with a strawberry lollipop... Read More
There are many things to like about the television show... Read More
Meningitis is an inflammation of the membranes around the brain... Read More
Child Car Seat Safety:We know you love your children, but... Read More
The disquieting behavior of teenagers in the 21st century, is... Read More
One of the few decisions you'll make during pregnancy that... Read More
Many times, we are so conditioned in how we speak... Read More
As a parent, are you at your wits end? Does... Read More
Love, love, love. It makes the world go round. It... Read More
Parenting |