Parenting Your Teenager: When is it OK to Quit?

Q. My daughter is a junior in high school and has played an instrument and/or played in band all her life. Now all of a sudden she wants to quit lessons and quit band. Is this normal or a warning sign of something bad? Should we let her quit?

A. There are times when wanting to drop something that has been a big part of your life can indicate a problem in need of immediate attention. If there are any other signs that your daughter might be depressed or using drugs, then you will want to get her two appointments - one with her doctor and one with a family counselor who works with teenagers.

If she's not depressed and/or doing drugs, then dropping an instrument and band may be a decision that she is ready to make. Certainly she is old enough to make that decision, and she may have simply lost interest.

How to End Gracefully

You can tell her that if dropping the instrument and band is something she wants to do, there are two things she needs to do first.

The first is have her write a letter of thanks to the person who taught her the instrument and to the band director, thanking each for their time and effort and sharing what she has learned.

I suggest this for two reasons: It's simply a classy thing to do, and it may re-awaken in her the reasons she got involved in the band.

The second is to tell her she can quit band only after she finds something else to be involved in. It's quite fine to want to quit something, but at her age, it needs to be replaced with something else. This is because one of the strongest needs of kids and teens is to have a sense of belonging. This need is so strong that a teen will get it met some how, either in a positive place or a negative place.

By requiring that she find something else to be a part of, you are helping to make sure she finds a positive place to belong.

Leading parenting expert Jeff Herring is a teen and family therapist, parenting coach, speaker and syndicated parenting and relationship columnist. Jeff invites you to visit ParentingYourTeenager.com for 100's of tips and tools for parenting through the teenage years. You can also subscribe to his f'ree weekly internet newsletter "ParentingYourTeenager."

---

My Sons Deployment

One of the most difficult struggles in life for a... Read More

How To Be A Bad Mother

As I sit here and reflect on the past two... Read More

Patterns For Plus Size Children

Plus size children and overweight children need patterns and clothing... Read More

How to Help Your Child be Successful in Kindergarten

Your child's first year of school should be a fun... Read More

Childhood Obesity

Economist John Kenneth Galbraith has said that more people die... Read More

The Importance of Mothers

Moms, did you ever question your value as a role... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: 6 Things to Stop Doing Right Away

1. STOP focusing on what you are going to make... Read More

Organizing a Car Wash Fundraiser

The key to a successful car wash fundraiser event is... Read More

How Fathers Can Step Up to Fathering

When our oldest son was 2, my wife went out... Read More

Children are People, Not Machines

When growing up, my father frequently reminded me to "pay... Read More

Single Mother Sanity Savers Pt. 1

Being a single mother is no easy task. I know.... Read More

Treatment Options for ADHD

Ritalin has been shown through the years to be very... Read More

Clean Your House Green for your Children?s Sake

My thirteen-year-old daughter recently called me up to say she... Read More

Bless Your Child With The Name

What a dreamer I am when thinking about parenthood. Most... Read More

Baptisms And Alternative Ways To Hold A Naming Ceremony

Traditionally, babies have been named at a christening/baptism.... Read More

Diaper Bags for Dads - Papas Got a Brand New Bag

Today's dads are more hands-on than ever before and their... Read More

Calming Tips for Hyperactive Children

Parents of hyperactive children know the "Would you please just... Read More

What Should I Know About Strattera for ADHD?

Strattera came out around January of 2003, and is becoming... Read More

So, The Thing Is... Im Feeling A Little Guilty

So, the thing is? I am feeling a little guilty.I... Read More

Of Kings and Youth Leadership

(Isaiah 11:6 KJV) The wolf also shall dwell with the... Read More

Aquini Potty Training Dolls - A Great Tool For Potty Training!

Corolle Paul or Emma Drink-and-Wet SET potty dollsThis is the... Read More

The Better Behavior Wheel - A New Kind of Calm in the Family

There's a new kind of fun and calm out there... Read More

Car Wash Fundraiser Preparation

Are you considering a car wash fundraiser for your group?... Read More

Raise Your Child to Be a Leader Not a Follower

Your child's leadership skills begin at the family dinner table.... Read More

Adolescence - Clues and Advice

Be sure to respect the intellectual changes that mark adolescence.... Read More

Homeschooling ? Can I Do It?

Many parents would like to homeschool their children but are... Read More

Top 10 Things To Never Believe From Your Teenager

1) It's not my (pot, beer, cigarettes, etc.), I'm just... Read More

Confident Kids : Why Some Parents Should Carry a Health Warning

As a hypnotherapist, I am acutely aware of the power... Read More

How Do Campers Protect Their Children?

Oh yes you have! Suddenly, "Where's Bobby?" You instantly realize... Read More

Vouchers --- Parents, Dont Depend On Them

Vouchers, which give tax money to parents to pay for... Read More

Work Before Play

Many families, ours included, have learned that breakfast is eaten... Read More

My Dads Secrets

From the book Spider's Night on the BoomI've only begun... Read More

How Can I Teach My Child Respect?

A common theme over the past 20 years has been... Read More