All children are different and respond differently to divorce. Depending on the characteristics of the children - age, emotional maturity, happiness, resiliency to trauma - the easier or more difficult it will be for children to weather a divorce.
As a parent, you should know your children better than anyone...use your best judgment with your children during considering divorce. This "divorce and children" article is for parents who are certain that they would get a divorce if they didn't have children and want to decide what to think about regarding the effects a divorce would have on their children.
Children of divorced parents can actually live wonderful lives as long as the parents use proper judgment and create the right types of interactions between themselves and with each other.
This article on this web page does not suggest that divorce is the correct course of action for you and it in no way should be taken as a form of counseling to you. This article is merely to spark you to think logically and then make your own decision about divorce and your children.
As previously stated, every child is different and subsequently, every child responds to divorce in a different way.
If you think there's a definitive answer about how divorce affects children, you are mistaken. There's been hundreds of books written about this subject and a plethora of studies done regarding divorce and children, all citing differing opinions and using different statistical constraints and inputs. But, statistics can only go so far...if you know your children better than anyone else, you will know best how they'll be affected by a divorce.
How divorce affects children and what you should do if you're staying married solely because you have children is complicated issue.
Here's some things you may want to consider if you're a parent who is staying married just because you have children:
Children and divorce consideration 1: Make sure that you are, in fact, only staying married just because you have children.
Often times people use the children as an excuse not to get a divorce because they aren't really sure that they want a divorce or have some other fear regarding divorce. Those fears can be present due to finance, self-confidence, living arrangements, or other personal issues.
Before you really take the next steps in deciding whether or not to get a divorce because of your children, rank your reasons for divorce and make sure that you're really certain you'd get a divorce if you didn't have children.
Children and divorce consideration 2: Make sure 'guilt' isn't the real reason that you aren't getting a divorce.
The 'guilt' referenced above is the guilt brought on by thinking that your divorce will hurt your children. In and of itself, this feeling of guilt is a selfish one if you haven't really examined carefully if a divorce will have an adverse effect on your children. If you aren't getting divorced because of guilt in this regard, but you still have an unhappy marriage that is affecting your children, then you aren't really staying married for them, you're staying married for you because you feel guilty...this is selfish.
Children and divorce consideration 3: Once you've clearly defined that you are in fact, not getting a divorce solely because you have children, examine why you think divorce will adversely affect your children.
Remember, divorce can have a negative effect on children initially, but that doesn't necessarily mean that a divorce will be a negative influence on your children forever.
Decide whether or not your children have the resiliency, the intelligence, the emotional health, and the support they'd need to mitigate the adverse effects that a divorce would have on them. Will they be happy after the initial shock of the divorce is worked through?
Children and divorce consideration 4: Once you've really defined what you believe to be negative effects on your children due to divorce, think about what your children's life will be like in the immediate and distant future if you do actually go through with the divorce.
Ask yourself, "Can I create and maintain a healthy environment for my children if I do get a divorce?"
One thing that is a critical factor in this decision is the feasibility of you and your spouse getting a divorce amicably. If you and your spouse can go through a divorce amicably, and you both can agree to always put your children's welfare above your own, you will be one step ahead.
Again, make sure you are certain a divorce is necessary to create the right type of environment for your children. Assure that there is absolutely no way you can rekindle your marriage.
Usually, divorce represents the first real trauma of a child's life. Keep this in mind when your making your divorce decision. Divorce is a serious step and nothing should be done until your're certain that divorce is the best course of action. Getting a divorce without making sure that divorce is the right thing is selfish on your part and is the wrong thing to do to your children...after all, they deserve your best effort!
One thing should remain constant...that you and your spouse will always be there for your children, no matter what.
Karl Augustine, Author of "A Practical Guide To Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A Divorce".
Deciding on Divorce
Children and Divorce
One peculiar feature of a stepfamily is that they are... Read More
Collaborative law is based on the realization that the commitment... Read More
Selecting a divorce lawyer to handle your family law case... Read More
The most recent statistics show that about 50% of all... Read More
Raleigh, NC-The largest divorce firm in the state, Rosen Law... Read More
I thought I would never feel the light of life... Read More
During a wedding ceremony, when people are joined together in... Read More
When a nuclear family separates, it usually separates into a... Read More
1. What is my filing status? (Married, Single, Head of... Read More
The pain of finding out that your partner is cheating... Read More
No matter which side you are on, spousal support is... Read More
When a couple decides their marriage is over, a tremendous... Read More
What 3 major divorce parenting mistakes that surely lead to... Read More
When you're faced with the possibility of divorce it's important... Read More
It is fitting that I should write this story on... Read More
Divorce or the end of a long-term relationship is a... Read More
Seven Tips to help you keep more of your money... Read More
In a recent article entitled "Some Evidence On How We... Read More
When we were children we believed in fairy tales and... Read More
1. Have an Clear Written Fee AgreementMost experienced and effective... Read More
The legal divorce vs. your real divorce The legal... Read More
If you are reading this, then you are probably either... Read More
The most recent statistics show that about 50% of all... Read More
According to the Center for Disease Control's National Vital Statistics... Read More
Women who believe a divorce is a possibility or who... Read More
Divorce has become part of life in the 21st century.... Read More
Surviving divorce can be a valid fear if you're contemplating... Read More
The biggest mistake that people make when getting divorced is... Read More
Here are some useful tips on joint bank accounts and... Read More
Going through a divorce is a very challenging time in... Read More
It can be difficult to get over a divorce and... Read More
Thinking about getting a divorce doesn't necessarily mean that you... Read More
We have all most probably encountered it at some stage... Read More
I thought I would never feel the light of life... Read More
This article and my articles "Overcoming Obstacles to Agreement" and... Read More
Dating is tough for just about everybody, but it's even... Read More
Raleigh, NC-The largest divorce firm in the state, Rosen Law... Read More
Divorce has become part of life in the 21st century.... Read More
We have all most probably encountered it at some stage... Read More
What 3 major divorce parenting mistakes that surely lead to... Read More
As a licensed mental health professional, I work with many... Read More
Successfully releasing your anger will help you begin healing after... Read More
1. DO allow yourself enough time to make one of... Read More
Going through a divorce is a very challenging time in... Read More
Everyone has heard the story (from friends, co-workers, and family... Read More
Here are some useful tips on joint bank accounts and... Read More
For the over 50% of marriages that end in divorce,... Read More
The best predictor of a good divorce outcome is the... Read More
Having a marriage problem can be agonizing especially if you're... Read More
When a nuclear family separates, it usually separates into a... Read More
Being marriage means being fully committed to your husband as... Read More
Getting the right type of divorce advice depends on what... Read More
Divorce is difficult at the 'best' of times. Even when... Read More
A married woman becomes a single woman for one of... Read More
Women who believe a divorce is a possibility or who... Read More
There is no magic solution to getting issues surrounding child... Read More
Divorce is something no one hopes will happen to them... Read More
Ignorance is the most common trap in the business of... Read More
You're going to want to be working on your divorce... Read More
It is fitting that I should write this story on... Read More
The EmotionsDivorce is a scary, lonely and misunderstood process for... Read More
Stay MarriedAlong with any tough decision comes reluctance, especially when... Read More
Non-lawyers are often surprised to learn that a spouse can... Read More
If you are in a sexless marriage and are unhappy... Read More
You want three things in your divorce attorney: expertise in... Read More
A common reason why men wont commit could be due... Read More
Divorce |