A Time of Grief and Healing After Separation and Divorce

I thought I would never feel the light of life again when I realized that my marriage was going to end. In fact I went through a painful year of not knowing if it would end. I had several months of suspecting that she was having an affair. There was weeks that I didn't see her because she was staying out all night. I tried to do everything that I thought would help to mend the situation. I tried to get her to go to counseling, talk to the pastor at church, but the more I tried the worse my situation became. She resented me for every thing I tried to do.

I was a total wreck. I had waited until I was 31 before marrying. Six years into the relationship we now had two children who were facing with us a life-changing crisis ? possible divorce. As it turns out my wife had already made up her mind. At the time I felt like it would have been better to lose her to death, but I didn't. I just lost her and she was still there. There was nothing I could do to make her change her mind.

I prayed day and night, every moment I could find. I fasted mostly because I had no appetite. It was all I could do to force myself to drink water. She'd felt like I neglected her. Maybe I did. She said she felt like all I needed her for was babysitter. The kids suffered because they would only see her in the morning before she went to work. I would pick them up after I got off from work and they wouldn't see her until the next morning. After a few weeks of this she began staying home more for the sake of the children, but it seemed she and I were pretty much finished.

Finally she had opportunity to make her escape. I changed jobs and needed to relocate (military transfer). Somehow I managed to be able to take the kids with me and she stayed behind to work a few months longer. She was supposed to meet us in the new location. She ended up somewhere else. Her intentions were clear - she wasn't coming home. We agreed to let the kids live with me, visiting mom on weekends and holidays.

As anyone could imagine this was one of the most painful things anyone could go through, especially our kids. In the beginning it was really hard for them to go back and forth. We some how came to the conclusion that they should live with me and then with their Mom after a time. We didn't want the usual absentee dad scene.

Anyway, the pain was almost more than I could bear. When I was outside on a sunny day it felt dark and cold to me. There were times I though of suicide. It only took the thought of leaving my kids without a father to get past these thoughts. There were days when the only way I could ease the pain in my mind was to read scripture for long periods of time. I tried not to sit still or become idle because if I did the pain would come in like a flood. I could get over the fact that I was headed for divorce. I was not in control of anything. I prayed that God would change her mind. When He didn't I had to accept it. She had a free will. I prayed that he would take away my pain, and that of the kids. He said he would.

As time past it got easier to function on my own. But for the kids who were 5 and 2 when this all started it was getting harder to deal with the absence of Mom. Which made things harder for me in a different way as a parent. I am very interested in their emotional health. They didn't seem to be prospering in any way. This wasn't going well for any of us. My son's schoolwork was suffering and his behavior was getting worse. We got to a point where he was seeing a child psychologist.

As I listened to him talk to the psychologist I learned things that I didn't realize he was suffering. He really missed his mom. And I could only imagine what his younger sister was going through. I knew that it was hard for me to deal with the situation. I was wasted, but I could only imagine what it must have been like for them as children to deal with the pain that I had gone through for four years.

It was time for them to live with their mother. The divorce had only been final for a few months. We had agreed that I should keep them for a time. Then the time came for me to send them to their Mom. I was devastated. I felt like my entire life had now finally fallen down around me.

When the time came and we got them packed up and moved out a great surprise awaited me. I relaxed! I was sad the first few weeks or even a month after they left. I even cried sometimes. As time past though I started to feel better. I had more time and less stress. I started to realize that I at some point had begun to be healed of the terrible pain that had plagued me for so long.

When I talk to the kids I realized that they too had begun to feel much better. The rift that had begun to form between my son and me was beginning slowly to mending. I can hear the happiness in their voices and that brings me joy. I am even happy for their Mom. They are all doing well and I am the beneficiary. God is good. I now have a saying. Things always work out. Maybe not the way you want, but if God is involve, they work out for the best. All you need is God and time.

Tony L Tate - a regular contributer to On line dating, a web site offering tips and advice for on line dating and relationships. As a survivor of divorce I believe that you can fully recover and get back to happiness in your life. You may visit On line dating at: http://www.1-on-line-dating.com

---

How To Protect Your Life Insurance Policy While Going Through A Divorce

Life insurance, more than most things you buy, relates to... Read More

Commitment

Being marriage means being fully committed to your husband as... Read More

3 Major Divorce Parenting Mistakes And Learn How To Avoid Them

What 3 major divorce parenting mistakes that surely lead to... Read More

Divorce Articles: How To Get The Most From A Divorce Article

There are many types of divorce articles available on the... Read More

Does Your Sexless Marriage Have You Thinking About Divorce?

If you are in a sexless marriage and are unhappy... Read More

Get Over A Divorce and Prepare for Divorce Recovery!

It can be difficult to get over a divorce and... Read More

How To Identify What The Question Should I Get a Divorce? Means To You

Deciding about whether you should get a divorce or not... Read More

Divorce--How to Beat the System

Of course you want to get your Judgment--that's the goal... Read More

Love and Marriage Fairy Tale

When we were children we believed in fairy tales and... Read More

Top 5 To Dos Before Saying ?I Do?

1. DO allow yourself enough time to make one of... Read More

Stop Divorce: Should You Try To Stop Your Divorce If Youre Just Thinking About Getting A Divorce?

Thinking about getting a divorce doesn't necessarily mean that you... Read More

Divorce -Is It Lawful?

The question of divorce and its lawfulness is of long... Read More

Divorce: Secrets To Coping With A Divorce Announcement

During a wedding ceremony, when people are joined together in... Read More

How Thinking About An Uncontested Divorce Figures Into Your Decision About Divorce

An uncontested divorce is the most common type of divorce.... Read More

Two Hearts Are Now One

It is fitting that I should write this story on... Read More

Divorce and Uncle Sam: Top 10 Things You Should Know When Filing Your Taxes

1. What is my filing status? (Married, Single, Head of... Read More

How Can Collaborative Law Be Beneficial In Your Texas Divorce?

Collaborative law is based on the realization that the commitment... Read More

Divorce

The most recent statistics show that about 50% of all... Read More

7 Ways to Rediscover Your True Passion after Divorce

Going through a divorce is a very challenging time in... Read More

Divorce: Coping With The Family Law Process

The EmotionsDivorce is a scary, lonely and misunderstood process for... Read More

Alienation of Affection - Interference with marriage can cost big bucks in North Carolina

Non-lawyers are often surprised to learn that a spouse can... Read More

The Impact of Divorce on Families

As a licensed mental health professional, I work with many... Read More

Choosing Your Divorce Method

The biggest mistake that people make when getting divorced is... Read More

Divorce--The Five Obstacles to Agreement

This article and my articles "Overcoming Obstacles to Agreement" and... Read More

10 Ways to Keep Divorce Lawyers From Ruining Your Life

Everyone has heard the story (from friends, co-workers, and family... Read More

Surviving Life After Divorce

After divorce, the most important thing you can do is... Read More

There Is Life After Divorce

A married woman becomes a single woman for one of... Read More

How to Use a Divorce Lawyer

You want three things in your divorce attorney: expertise in... Read More

Dating Tips for Divorced and Widowed Moms

Dating is tough for just about everybody, but it's even... Read More

Marriage Seperation - A Practical Guide

Finance in marriage seperation is a very big issue particularly... Read More

9 Steps to Regaining Self-Esteem After Divorce

Divorce is difficult at the 'best' of times. Even when... Read More

5 Things To Do Before You Even Think About Getting A Divorce

There are many steps to take to protect yourself in... Read More

Tax & Financial Impacts of Divorce: 10 Mistakes to Avoid

Divorce is something no one hopes will happen to them... Read More