What Are You Waiting For?

So, you've decided that you're no longer "a couple", but for whatever reason, you and your spouse have decided to stay together "for the sake of the children".

Isn't that what the children need? Don't they need the strength of a two parent household in this mad society that we live in? Don't they need the emotional assurance that Mom AND Dad are together? Don't they? Or do they?

When my ex and I decided to divorce, we decided that he should probably live in the house with the children and I, for their sakes. We weren't getting along to make things worse, as he was still doing the 'single dude' thing outside of the house, skulking in at all hours of the morning, making hushed calls from his cellular phone, etc.

I thought that I was doing the best thing for the children at the time. I allowed him to stay, because I didn't want to put them through the emotional upheaval that I was sure that they would have to endure if I kicked him out.

Something happened one night that changed my opinion on that whole "staying together for the kids" thing.

We were having one of our usual "discussions" at about two in the morning. As usual, it got loud, and our eldest daughter woke up (she was ten at the time), came out of her room, and said, "Will you two stop it?! I can't stand it anymore!" It was like a light bulb lit up in my head, and I thought to myself, "Why are we doing this? Why are we putting these children through this nonsense? They're clearly not in the best emotional place that they could be. We're done." At which time, I went downstairs, and sat at the kitchen table. I thought long and hard about what I was doing. Why was I really allowing him to stay? Was it really for the kids? Or was it for me? Was it because of my fear of being 'alone' that I allowed my children to hear and be witnesses to things that I would prefer they not? Was it because of my fear of what kicking him out would bring on?

Whatever the reason, I had to stop thinking about whatever it was that I was afraid of, and start thinking about just what his presence in the house was doing to the emotional well-being of our children. They were miserable. He had to go, and that was that.

It's my job as their mother, to make absolutely certain that my children are protected, emotionally, physically and spiritually while they're under my roof. So, I stood up from that kitchen table, and walked back up those stairs. He was standing at the top of the staircase, looking straight down at me. I looked up at him and I said, "You have to go." To which he replied, "Go? Go where? Where do you expect me to go at three in the morning?" I headed back down the stairs as I said, "I don't care where you go, but you need to be out of this house tonight." He gave me the usual caveman response, "Well, if you want to try to make me go, go ahead." But I was prepared. I said to him, "We can do this one of two ways. You choose. We can do this the easy way, where you get your things, and walk out the front door on your own steam, or we can do this the hard way, where you give me flack, and I call someone who'll help you be out of here in the next 15 minutes, with or without your stuff. It's your call."

So, after about two minutes, he packed what he could into a duffel bag, kissed the kids, and walked out of the front door. Our eldest daughter, closed the door behind him, and said to me as she did so, "Thank God. Now we can have some peace." Those words coming from her mouth changed my thinking forever.

When you think that you're staying together "for the kids", think again. Whatever emotional upheaval you're going through in your situation, they're feeling as well. Don't think for a second that your children don't see it. They see and hear much more than we realize. I decided that I would much rather have my children in a loving, one parent household, than a dysfunctional, two parent household, in which the parents are constantly at odds with each other. Kids are all eyes, and ears. They take in a huge percentage of what they see and hear at home. My household is happy and healthy now. There's no fighting. There's no stress.

I made the right decision, and my children are much happier for it.

Martinis for Everyone!

Debbie Burgin

Copyright 2005 Debbie Burgin All Rights Reserved.

Debbie Burgin is a divorced mother of 3 who owns two businesses that she started post-divorce. http://www.debbieburgin.com, and http://www.warnerdigitalmedia.com

Read more of Debbie's articles at http://www.debbieburgin.blogspot.com

---

Houston Divorce Lawyer - West Houston Attorney Answers Common Questions About Mediation

If you are reading this, then you are probably either... Read More

Divorce--How to Beat the System

Of course you want to get your Judgment--that's the goal... Read More

Post-Divorce Alimony in Texas

This article provides a brief overview on Texas law concerning... Read More

Reasons You Arent Starting the Decision Making Process About Whether To Get a Divorce Or...

Stay MarriedAlong with any tough decision comes reluctance, especially when... Read More

Spousal Emotional Abuse During Divorce--What You Can Do

Is your spouse violent, abusive, harassing? In cases of harassment... Read More

Surviving Divorce: What To Think About To Ensure Surviving Divorce

Surviving divorce can be a valid fear if you're contemplating... Read More

An In-Depth Look at Army Divorce Rates

Raleigh, NC-The largest divorce firm in the state, Rosen Law... Read More

Divorce Online Sevice - Why Should We Lose Money And Time Applying For Divorce?

Attempts to use the worldwide Web as an effective means... Read More

Too Many Divorces

My oldest boy asked me something the other day about... Read More

7 Ways to Rediscover Your True Passion after Divorce

Going through a divorce is a very challenging time in... Read More

Top 5 To Dos Before Saying ?I Do?

1. DO allow yourself enough time to make one of... Read More

Divorce Articles: How To Get The Most From A Divorce Article

There are many types of divorce articles available on the... Read More

Divorce Decision: Things To Consider When Making A Decision About Divorce

When making a divorce decision, there are quite a few... Read More

The Heart Moves On: Using Ceremony to Mark the End of a Relationship

Divorce or the end of a long-term relationship is a... Read More

Five Christmas Survival Tips For The Divorced & Single Parent

For the over 50% of marriages that end in divorce,... Read More

Divorce -Is It Lawful?

The question of divorce and its lawfulness is of long... Read More

Spare Your Kids To 7 Most Distressful Divorce Parenting Situations

What 7 most distressful situations to kids that divorced parents... Read More

Divorce--Negotiating Agreement: Ten Steps

The best predictor of a good divorce outcome is the... Read More

How Can Collaborative Law Be Beneficial In Your Texas Divorce?

Collaborative law is based on the realization that the commitment... Read More

Cheating Husbands - Meeting Needs?

Husbands cheat on their wives for many reasons. They could... Read More

Divorce: How To Survive A Divorce And Move On With Your Life

One out of every two marriages in America is failing.American... Read More

Rebuilding Your Life from the Ashes

One peculiar feature of a stepfamily is that they are... Read More

Is Your Marriage Problem Severe Enough To Warrant Getting A Divorce?

Having a marriage problem can be agonizing especially if you're... Read More

Divorce and Separation - A Child?s Perspective

It is always the children that suffer the most when... Read More

5 Ways To Ensure You Will Have a Happy Life After Divorce

Life after divorce is something that most people who are... Read More

Divorce--Getting Legal Help Without Paying Exorbitant Attorneys Fees

Ignorance is the most common trap in the business of... Read More

Commitment

Being marriage means being fully committed to your husband as... Read More

Hire Divorce Lawyer or Use Online Divorce Forms

When do you need to hire a family law attorney... Read More

Divorce, The Hardest Thing You Have To Do

Knowing What To Do In DivorceKnowing what to do when... Read More

3 Major Divorce Parenting Mistakes And Learn How To Avoid Them

What 3 major divorce parenting mistakes that surely lead to... Read More

Extramarital Affair: Should You Get A Divorce Just Because One Of You Had An Extramarital Affair?

Having to deal with an extramarital affair can be a... Read More

How Thinking About An Uncontested Divorce Figures Into Your Decision About Divorce

An uncontested divorce is the most common type of divorce.... Read More

Choosing Your Divorce Method

The biggest mistake that people make when getting divorced is... Read More