Five Christmas Survival Tips For The Divorced & Single Parent

For the over 50% of marriages that end in divorce, Christmas can be a hugely trying time.

Since the season is one of the most stressful times of the year anyway, this onslaught of raw emotion to the divorcee can be overwhelming. This is reflected in the Christmas surge of suicide rates.

The feelings are that much more intense if there are kids involved.

I know for myself, nothing could have prepared for me for the crushing sadness I felt during my first post-divorce Christmas.

As a father of two young girls, it was like I was emotionally disconnected from everyone. The joy of the season was something I just switched on, for brief periods, when my little girls were at my house leading up the holidays. When they would leave until their next visit, the joyful glow of the Christmas lights and Christmas tree seemed to turn cruel and I would turn it all off.

It seemed I had an inverse reaction to the level of season joy around me: the higher it was, the worse I felt.

Going to the shopping malls, alone, just intensified the feelings of disconnect, as I watched parades of children that weren't mine, going through the usual excited frenzy.

I remember sitting on my couch, alone in the dark, watching movies on Christmas Eve, counting down the hours until the girls arrived on Christmas Day at Noon.

In the middle of the night of that first Christmas Eve, I reached my lowest of lowest and for the briefest of seconds, dark thoughts crossed my alcohol free mind about putting an end to the pain.

Mercifully, I did nothing except scare myself. In fact, because now I appreciated how intense all of the feelings were, I knew I needed a plan to get through the season the next time.

From that point on, I came up with the following five step plan.

Step 1 ? Do not be alone. You have to reach out and ask for support, from family, friends or whoever. The Crisis Line is always there to re-assure you (I know).

Step 2 ? Know you are not alone and connect with other people in your same circumstance. I met several people over the next year, male and female, who were in the same boat as I was. We actually had a house party on Christmas Eve the next year because no one had their kids. Everyone had a few laughs, cursed the Exs and yearned for their kids, together. It actually was a great feeling to be in that group.

Step 3 ? Do not feel guilty. Your kids are enjoying two Christmas celebrations instead of just one. What kid wouldn't love that?

Step 4 ? Give to charity or volunteer at the Food Bank. This really helped me appreciate that even in my sadness, I still had food and a home and there were people way worse off then I was.

Step 5 ? Don't be so hard on yourself. From the time we were kids, the Christmas season commercial frenzy creates a ton of expectations in all of us. During divorce, with your own kids jumping between houses, those expectations become very difficult if not impossible to maintain. This compounds the feeling of being a failure because you cannot emotionally keep pace with the joy you see around you.

That can be further complicated by the game of trying to keep up with whatever your Ex Spouse is able to provide for kids during the season. This one can be really hard too.

Over my 5 single Christmas seasons, I learned a whole new way of appreciating the season.

I started to celebrate the fact that I was surviving on my own, learning to live my life differently and being a fantastic father every 2nd week.

Christmas became less about gifts and more about patting myself on the back for keeping it all together.

That attitude shift made a world of difference.

I truly learned that the biggest gift you can give the people around you, especially your kids, is your own survival. That's what they'll always remember.

======================================================
Drew Harris is now happily re-married and runs http://single-christians.net, a one-stop-shop relationship portal for Christians and like-minded people. It features hundreds of pages on dating, love and marriage. Start building your successful relationship today. http://tinyurl.com/44pc9

---

Women And Divorce: How Women Should Protect Themselves Financially Regarding Divorce

Women who believe a divorce is a possibility or who... Read More

An In-Depth Look at Army Divorce Rates

Raleigh, NC-The largest divorce firm in the state, Rosen Law... Read More

Get Over A Divorce and Prepare for Divorce Recovery!

It can be difficult to get over a divorce and... Read More

10 Ways to Keep Divorce Lawyers From Ruining Your Life

Everyone has heard the story (from friends, co-workers, and family... Read More

How to Select a Divorce Lawyer

Selecting a divorce lawyer to handle your family law case... Read More

Hidden Divorce Costs

Divorce has become part of life in the 21st century.... Read More

Marriage Seperation - A Practical Guide

Finance in marriage seperation is a very big issue particularly... Read More

Advantages to Doing Your Own Divorce

There are many advantages to doing your own divorce. Three... Read More

Hire Divorce Lawyer or Use Online Divorce Forms

When do you need to hire a family law attorney... Read More

Does Living In A Loveless Marriage Necessarily Mean That You Should Get A Divorce?

Being in a loveless marriage is a frustrating predicament, but... Read More

Alienation of Affection - Interference with marriage can cost big bucks in North Carolina

Non-lawyers are often surprised to learn that a spouse can... Read More

What Are You Waiting For?

So, you've decided that you're no longer "a couple", but... Read More

Top 5 To Dos Before Saying ?I Do?

1. DO allow yourself enough time to make one of... Read More

How To Protect Your Life Insurance Policy While Going Through A Divorce

Life insurance, more than most things you buy, relates to... Read More

Avoid Lawyers! Do-It-Yourself Divorce Saved Me Tons of Money!

Let me preface this by saying right up front -... Read More

Divorce Roadmap: The Route Around the Legal System

Let's look at how a divorce case works so you... Read More

Surviving Life After Divorce

After divorce, the most important thing you can do is... Read More

5 Things To Do Before You Even Think About Getting A Divorce

There are many steps to take to protect yourself in... Read More

Divorce--How the Legal System Works Against You

If there were no legal system, no lawyers and no... Read More

Marriage - Divorce - Separation - How to Handle the Split Loyalties with Friends After Separation

We have all most probably encountered it at some stage... Read More

Divorce Makes Us Stronger

My friends call me the "Divorce Poster Child".At the age... Read More

Divorce--The Five Obstacles to Agreement

This article and my articles "Overcoming Obstacles to Agreement" and... Read More

Getting a Jewish Divorce in the UK

What is the Get?The Get is the Jewish form of... Read More

Divorce Articles: How To Get The Most From A Divorce Article

There are many types of divorce articles available on the... Read More

Divorce

The most recent statistics show that about 50% of all... Read More

Dating Tips for Divorced and Widowed Moms

Dating is tough for just about everybody, but it's even... Read More

Healing Dysfunctional Families

In a recent article entitled "Some Evidence On How We... Read More

The Legal Side of Divorce

While divorce can be an emotionally draining experience, even in... Read More

How to Recover From Divorce

As a licensed mental health professional, I work with many... Read More

Divorce--How to Beat the System

Of course you want to get your Judgment--that's the goal... Read More

Houston Divorce Lawyer - West Houston Attorney Answers Common Questions About Mediation

If you are reading this, then you are probably either... Read More

Four Tips to Save You Money in a Divorce Case

1. Have an Clear Written Fee AgreementMost experienced and effective... Read More

Reasons For Divorce; What Constitutes Viable Reasons For Thinking About Or Wanting A Divorce?

According to the Center for Disease Control's National Vital Statistics... Read More