Q. I wonder if you could help me with a problem that just seems to be getting worse. I seem to blow everything out of proportion. I react so strongly to even small problems and always think the worst is going to happen. My friends tell me I do it, my husband tells me, and I know I do and I'm tired of it.
A. Whether you call it blowing things out of proportion, making a mountain out of a molehill, or some other phrase, it all comes down to turning every event into a potential catastrophe. This is called catastrophism.
It's a learned response. Most people who practice catastrophism have either had it modeled for them by someone else, received a great deal of attention when they go the high drama route, or both. Sometimes the problem can even get solved, which greatly reinforces the response.
Symptoms of catastrophism
Total or near total loss of perspective on the relative importance of events.
Turning the simple into something complex.
Viewing most, if not all, problems as potentially life-threatening.
Going from 0 to 60 emotionally in response to life's challenges.
Demanding that others see the situation the same way you do.
Frustration with others when they don't see it the same as you.
Catastrophism can be a very draining experience. Going from 0 to 60 all the time wears you out.
Imagine a meter that measures from 0 to 10, with 0 as rest and 10 as the strongest possible reaction. When we are faced with a challenge, we are designed to go from rest to some number on the meter and then back down to rest. But when we make events a catastrophe, we respond by shooting up the meter and never coming back down to rest.
Fairly soon we live at an intensity level of 5 and rarely get back to rest.
Another negative consequence of catastrophism is that people begin to not take you seriously. When everything is a big deal to you, then nothing is a big deal to those around you. So, when something really is a big deal, others will think you are crying wolf.
Another consequence is people tend to shy from the intensity and drama, so again, when something is an actual crisis, nobody's around to take you seriously.
Fortunately, there are many ways to intervene in this process and get the changes you want.
Practicing perspective
The first thing I recommend is to practice some perspective. Perspective is something you either use or lose. I worked with a client whose motto in the face of challenges was "Well, they can't cook and eat me." There might be some wisdom there. While you may not want to use those exact words, telling yourself "this is just an event" can calm you down and allow you to respond more effectively.
A fun way to get a different perspective on a problem is to think of a character whom you admire in a book or movie and ask yourself "How would this person respond to this problem?"
Another practical strategy is to consider how you see the problem vs. how a video camera would see the problem.
Here's a strategy that can aid you in your perspective practice: Either write down or imagine two scales from 1 to 10, with 1 the lowest and 10 the highest. The first scale measures the importance of the event; the second scale measures your response to the event.
I'm betting you have a history of responding to lower-scale events with some dramatic, higher-scale responses. You may want to get some help from your husband or a close friend with charting the importance of an event. What you want to do is practice responding at or near the same level as the event. If the event is a 3, instead of shooting up to a 10, practice responding at a 2, 3, or 4 level.
Given time and some practice, most people are able to respond in more effective ways to the events of life. One of the best payoffs is that life becomes more fun and enjoyable.
Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.
"Learn how to turn frustration into fascination. You will learn... Read More
10 Ways to Monitor Corporate Stress LevelsGood military leaders work... Read More
There are many kinds of daily grinds. In the U.S.... Read More
One of the hardest forms of stress to avoid is... Read More
Q: Someone told me that the Chinese symbol for crisis... Read More
Have you ever noticed how we keep falling into the... Read More
I just got through reading some troubling news in the... Read More
As Montaigne said, "he who fears he will suffer, already... Read More
Work related tensions, personal issues and abnormal lifestyles are the... Read More
Aromatherapy is very therapeutic when it comes to healing emotional... Read More
1. Acknowledge that requesting support, guidance and partnership is not... Read More
There may be so much you want to change in... Read More
You probably think I'm wacko, but it's true - stress... Read More
1)Excessive worryNo, I'm not saying "don't worry, be happy."Well-used worry... Read More
Here's an amazing quote from Time magazine:"At birth a baby's... Read More
Are You Too Stressed?Is your stomach all tied up in... Read More
1. 5-minute rule. How many times do we say, "This... Read More
Stress ReliefStress is a big business in Western society. We... Read More
Q. So many times in my life, I seem to... Read More
Is your stress level higher than it should be? Are... Read More
Do you have stress in your life?......I know you answered... Read More
Matthew 11:28 Come unto me, all ye that labour... Read More
Life is funny.Throughout the day, there are plenty of humorous... Read More
Have you ever listened to someone, perhaps even to your... Read More
We so often take the feelings of happiness and saddness... Read More
Probably the least appreciated form of stress is college stress.... Read More
We all have it; we live with it daily: stress.... Read More
The day wasn't going well already. You know how it... Read More
When was the last time you took a day just... Read More
Too much driving, too much shopping, too much rushing around,... Read More
According to the StressPulse survey by ComPsych Corporation completed at... Read More
Shit happens. I know this to be a fact, because... Read More
What do you think of when you see that word?... Read More
File this one under the category of "watch your language."The... Read More
Of all the sources of stress in our lives, faulty... Read More
Do you have the desire for a stress free life?... Read More
We've all experienced it-computerized technology that doesn't function properly. PCs... Read More
1. The Law of EveryoneIt is not neccessarily wrong to... Read More
Whether we are at work, traveling, or at home, we've... Read More
I recently received this e-mail message about stress management (author... Read More
"Slow down, you move too fast, you've got to make... Read More
The main problem in a down economy is that workplaces... Read More
When I pay attention, I clearly see the arresting ways... Read More
Managing stress is not easy if you don't have the... Read More
You probably think I'm wacko, but it's true - stress... Read More
Have you ever noticed how we keep falling into the... Read More
One question that is not asked enough by people under... Read More
For those of you who have been living in a... Read More
We all have it; we live with it daily: stress.... Read More
Everyone needs successful stress management techniques. Easy to learn and... Read More
What part of no don't you understand? - Bumper stickerThe... Read More
Have you been feeling so stressful and almost losing your... Read More
Raise your hand if you have ever been rejected by... Read More
Stress, America's #1 health problem, is a leading cause of... Read More
Are You Too Stressed?Is your stomach all tied up in... Read More
No need to go spend money at a spa! There... Read More
With almost 50% of workers complaining that their jobs are... Read More
Something the successful business person needs is - lots of... Read More
Stress is an interpretation of an event or circumstance which... Read More
Today's workplace produces plenty of stress. Life's little hassles mount... Read More
Everyone experiences stress at some point in their life. In... Read More
It was a self-exploration that made me understand myself. It... Read More
On a beautiful summer day years ago, I went water... Read More
Matthew 11:28 Come unto me, all ye that labour... Read More
Imagine driving down the road. You are driving with a... Read More
Stress is normal. Stress is OK. Stress is the same... Read More
Stress Management |