HELP! Im Working with a Baby!!

Did you know that more than half of our adult population has an anger problem? Have you experienced them? They act all flustered and pitch a fit. Can you believe it that some of them actually throw things when they get mad? And not only that, they cuss up a storm, rant and rave, and carry on like they are a child.

We all have probably experienced people like this on occasion. But what about the people who do this on a regular basis? How do we manage them? How can we confront them in the office space? What if this person is our boss or our partner? We know that they need anger management or counseling, but babies don't have the ability to see that about themselves. Perhaps passing them this article will help you along!

Okay you people who have an anger issue.. listen up!!! You can't physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys you; laws, social norms and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take all of us us.

According to my research, "People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings. The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing and calming. Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive - not aggressive - manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others. Anger can be suppressed, and then converted or redirected. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behaviour. The danger in this type of response is that if the anger isn't allowed an outward expression, it can turn inward - on yourself. This may cause hypertension (high blood pressure) or depression.

Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behaviour (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticising everything and making cynical comments haven't learned how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they aren't likely to have many successful relationships.

Finally, you can calm yourself down inside. This means not just controlling your outward behaviour but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down and let the feelings subside." (resource ? internet) If you are a person who is working with a BABY, perhaps you'll start by having a short conversation just explaining that sometimes he/she is somewhat difficult to talk with because they get so frustrated and act out. Sometimes just calmly stating a fact can be less intimidating than a formal "lets talk about something" kind of meeting.

One client recently was asked by his partner why one of the associates didn't call her directly. He explained to her that she had a tendency to go overboard with stress and neither had the time to deal with her drama at the moment so she was bypassed in the decision making moment. Because the conversation took on a sort of apologetic tone, yet, was also explaining the situation, the partner seemed to GET it, that her outbursts had caused more stress on others and not just herself. For the next week, my client has noticed that his partner hasn't stressed openly and has seemed to get a hold on her anger.

Since my client is on a friendly basis with his partner, I've given him some exercises to help his partner get to the root of her anger. While I'm not a therapist, and neither is my client, there are a few exercises that aren't so intimidating to a person who is willing to explore the original source of their anger.

When the person is obviously upset, ask them to calm down and sit down and agree to talk about it. You can say, "You're obviously upset. Let's sit down and discuss what our options are, and just tell me everything". Don't argue. Don't talk back. Don't disagree. Just listen. Take notes if you can and just listen intently with your eyes. Try to understand. This is what the person needs, to be understood.

When they are through, ask questions. Ask specific questions to get clarity on the situation. Let them talk until they are through. Take a minute before you answer. Think about what you are going to say. Start by acknowledging their feelings such as, "I understand why you are so upset. I'm sorry that you are upset. Let me see if I understand how you feel." Now, read back what you wrote down so they know you understand. Now, go through your side of the story. (Hopefully without interruptions). Don't yell or be confrontational. Just explain the other side of the story.

Be careful to pause between listening and talking. Pausing is a great indicator of being thoughtful about what you are listening to and saying. It is a great communication tool!

Regardless of the outcome, you've now coached your partner through being able to explain their side of the story without completely exploding. Practice makes perfect. Tell them that they did a good job. Endorse good behavior and encourage them.

Working with a baby is a hardship on many. If you have the guts or the power to tell the person to go get THERAPY, then do it. If that isn't a possibility, then learning to coach them through dealing with their own emotions may be a logical next step. It's going to take some energy on your part, but it might save your work environment in the long run.

Having difficult conversations are somewhat stressful, so having a coach to help you through it might be a good next step for you. We can work together to help your partner mature into a thriving adult who expresses his/her feelings in a healthy way. I don't know about you, but I think it sounds fun! So don't cry about it! Just give me a call!

To learn more about Mary go to: http://www.marygardner.com/

Mary Gardner is an Executive Communications Consultant and Coach. She works with, coaches and trains individuals, sales teams, executives, and celebrities. She enjoys seeing the best come out in people and has fun in the process. Mary is married to Sway and is mommy to Jeremy 5 and lives in Orlando, FL.

---

Stress Management and Mastery: What We Can Learn from 9 Trapped Miners

Think back a few years to the nine coal miners... Read More

Ten Easy Relaxation Techniques

Stress is more than just unpleasant. It's dangerous. Try these... Read More

Army Ranger Reveals How to Control Corporate Stress

"Adopting the right attitude can convert a negative stress into... Read More

Reduce Stress To Maximize Efficiency

The right amount of stress can be good for you,... Read More

Quick Steps On Handling Stress

Looking for some quick stress relief?Edward W. Smith, motivational speaker,... Read More

Worry: Is It Worthwhile Work or a Waste of Time?

As tools for change are discussed, one tool - that... Read More

Stress Relief

Traffic jams. Toddler tantrums. Deadlines at work. Money troubles. Too... Read More

Stress Management

The fast pace of life is taking toll on every... Read More

Those Deceiving Emotions

Deceiving? You bet they are. How? Without your even knowing... Read More

Sshhh... Listen to Your Own Voice

It was a self-exploration that made me understand myself. It... Read More

Balancing Acts: Keeping Work and Life in Equilibrium

In the fast-paced world that we live in today, it... Read More

Stress Management: Ditch Thinking or Destination Thinking

Imagine driving down the road. You are driving with a... Read More

Conquering Stress and Depression with Exercise

One of the best ways to combat stress and depression... Read More

Avoiding Stress During the Busy Holiday Shopping Season with eCardica.com

Lake Hopatcong, NJ (PRWEB) November 30, 2004 -- Here are... Read More

Stress And How To Avoid It

Everyone knows that stress isn't good - that it can... Read More

Stress Relief - An Industry For Self Inflicted Stress

Stress ReliefStress is a big business in Western society. We... Read More

Stress Management: KYFM - Keep Your Feet Moving

One of my favorite stories about change is the story... Read More

Energy - How to Have More of It

Something the successful business person needs is - lots of... Read More

Secrets to Aromatherapy II - Psychological Complaints

Aromatherapy is very therapeutic when it comes to healing emotional... Read More

The Underlying Cause of Nervous Breakdowns

Life can offer us many challenges having to do with... Read More

Stress Symptoms

Stress relief and managementRecognizing stress symptoms can be a positive... Read More

Dealing With Frustration

If you're like most people, you have your bouts of... Read More

Stress Tips

26 ways to minimize and manage the unhealthy effects of... Read More

Stress Managment and Mastery: Learning to Rebound

Q. I've suffered a few setbacks and disappointments in the... Read More

Assess Your Stress Using Haris Stress Inventory

This is a tool to measure the amount of stress... Read More

Ten Tips to Ward Off Stress at the Office

CHICAGO - According to a recent article in the September... Read More

Stress Busting Strategies

Learn to have healthy relationships:This subject could fill an entire... Read More

Easy Elimination Of Worry & Stress!

It is very true that, unfortunately, many people look to... Read More

Some Tips for Mental Well Being - Ways to Help Yourself!

Get at least 15 minutes of sunshine daily.Daily Exercise -... Read More

Stress Management: The Power of a Day

I learned a valuable lesson recently. A short while ago,... Read More

Stress Control: Tough Leadership vs. Easy Does It

Tough leaders are usually seen as ogres. Their exacting demands... Read More

Stress Management Through Altering Beliefs And Increasing Knowledge

Most humans experience unexpected setbacks which can cause huge stress... Read More

Extreme Self-care: Make Time for Yourself

If you've recently experienced loss or are going through a... Read More