The Work of Byron Katie - Freedom From Stress is Only 4 Questions Away

All stress comes from believing a thought that argues with reality. And when you oppose "what is" - it hurts.

In Byron Katie's first book, Loving What Is, she illustrates this with a simple and clear example with a cat:

If you want reality to be different than it is, you might as well try to teach a cat to bark. You can try and try, and in the end the cat will look up at you and say, "Meow." Wanting reality to be different than it is is hopeless. You can spend the rest of your life trying to teach a cat to bark...

And yet, if you pay attention, you'll notice that you think thoughts like this dozens of times a day. "People should be kinder." "Children should be well-behaved." "My neighbors should take better care of their lawn."...

These thoughts are ways of wanting reality to be different than it is. If you think that this sounds depressing, you're right. All the stress that we feel is caused by arguing with what is.

So what can you do when you find yourself arguing with reality? You know, when you're sitting in traffic thinking, "I shouldn't be stuck in traffic right now!" Or when the sale you were hoping for at work falls through and you're frustrated because, "They really should have followed through."

Well, you can do one of two things:

1. Believe what you think.

2. Question it.

Believing what you think can be pretty painful. I mean just think about how stressful it is to sit in traffic wanting the cars to move faster! It's about as hopeless as trying to get a cat to bark.

Questioning the thoughts, on the other hand, can open you up to finding peace where you once found stress.

You can start questioning them, or doing The Work, by writing down your stressful thought (the one where you want things to be different than they are) and then answering these four questions:

1. Is it true?
2. Can you absolutely know that it's true?
3. How do you react when you believe that thought?
4. Who would you be without the thought?

Then you look for turnarounds by taking the original stressful belief and looking for opposites to see if they are as true or truer. In other words, to see if they are closer to reality.

Here's an example:

My friend should be a better listener.

1. Is that true?

Yes.

2. Can you absolutely know that it's true? (What's the reality?)

The reality is that she's not better than she is. So, no, I can't know that she should be a better listener.

3. How do you react when you believe that your friend should be a better listener?

I get frustrated and I complain to my other friends. I don't want to hang around with her anymore. I don't want to listen to her either because I want to punish her. I don't respect her and am jealous of her attention when she puts it somewhere other than on me when I'm trying to talk to her.

4. Who would you be without the thought that your friend should be a better listener?

I wouldn't try to convince her that she should listen to me more. I'd feel gentler in my body. I'd appreciate the amount that she *does* listen to me. When she talked to me, I'd be able to listen because there wouldn't be that resentment that I was holding on to. I'd realize that I'm doing just fine in my life even though she's not listening to me more.

Turn the thought around: She should be a better listener.

TA> She should *not* be a better listener. This is true because she's not. She can't be a better listener than she is in that moment.

TA> *I* should be a better listener. Definitely! If I think she can do it, can I even do it?! I should give her what I want from her because obviously it's important to me that friends listen to each other well. So this is for me to live.

The Work of Byron Katie is a path to self-discovery and freedom from stress. Ask these four questions for yourself and find out who you'd be without your story!

"When I argue with reality I lose. But only 100% of the time." - Byron Katie

Mona Grayson is a two-time graduate from The School for The Work of Byron Katie and has been helping people get free from the constraints of their stress so they can lead fuller, more peaceful lives. For a free newsletter about applying The Work of Byron Katie to your stress, and a free special report: "21 Ways to Stay in the Peace," visit http://www.letsdothework.com or http://blog.letsdothework.com

---

Dialing M For Mindfulness

Looking for mindfulness? Who ya gonna call?Try dialing M.It's easy... Read More

How to Relieve Stress

One question that is not asked enough by people under... Read More

The Benefits of Eating from a Jar of Honey

June is the month of the honey moon. Custom holds... Read More

Coping With Stress

When something happens in our lives, we automatically assess the... Read More

Coping as a Tool of Enchantment

Many of my readers write to me about the tensions... Read More

How Breathing Differently Can Make You Happier

"When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe,... Read More

Hypnosis CDs - Relief from Stress

The number one most popular issue that users of a... Read More

Stress Management: How to Avoid the Ruts and Holes of Life

Have you ever noticed how we keep falling into the... Read More

Stress Management and Mastery: Breakdown or Breakthrough?

Q: "My career, though very very stressful, is one that... Read More

FEAR: How to Defeat the Monster

What is the greatest fear of man? Is it death?... Read More

Sometimes C.O.P.I.N.G Is All We Can Do

We strive for excellence in our lives, going at full... Read More

How Stressed Out Are You? Take This Quiz And See How You Rate On Your Stress Level!

Stress, America's #1 health problem, is a leading cause of... Read More

Quiet Mind; A Powerful Tool That Gives You More Time, Creativity, And Productivity And Takes Just 10

The National Center for health statistics reported that in 1997,... Read More

10 Ways to Monitor Corporate Stress Levels

10 Ways to Monitor Corporate Stress LevelsGood military leaders work... Read More

Dealing with Workplace Stress

One of the hardest forms of stress to avoid is... Read More

Calming The Voice of Stress

But how can this happen to someone?Let's concentrate on how... Read More

Some Tips for Mental Well Being - Ways to Help Yourself!

Get at least 15 minutes of sunshine daily.Daily Exercise -... Read More

100 Ways to Reduce Stress

Don't let stress wear you down. Next time you are... Read More

The Best Medicine For Stress ( A Daily Dose Of Gratitude)

There is one sure fire medicine that cures all difficulty... Read More

Common SENSS Stress Control

Statistics show that all of us experience stress at one... Read More

The Epidemic of the Eighties is Still Here

IntroductionTime magazine called stress the "The Epidemic of the Eighties".... Read More

Stress Secrets: How To Remove Hidden Sources Of Stress

Most people find it easy to identify the sources of... Read More

Stress Relief Through Charity

One of the best ways to relieve yourself from the... Read More

Stress Can Create Symptoms of Attention Deficit Disorder

Stress can affect virtually any part of the body and... Read More

Stress- What Is It?

Whenever we think of 'stress', negative thoughts come into our... Read More

Stress Management: Ditch Thinking or Destination Thinking

Imagine driving down the road. You are driving with a... Read More

Is Your Workplace Suffering from Contagious Stress?

We wonder how many of you might recognise this scenario?... Read More

Stressed? Relax Right Now with 5 Super-Simple Stress-Busters

Stressed? Relax Right Now with 5 Super-Simple Stress-BustersStressed-out? Don't know... Read More

Stress Management: Holding On Vs. Dropping It

One of the dumbest things I have ever done is... Read More

Stress Management:: 4 Critical Distinctions

Stress Vs PressureStress is something we all have, it's not... Read More

The ABCs of Stress Management

A while back, I was in a minor fender-bender accident,... Read More

5 Easy Ways to Pamper Yourself

Life is so busy and as mothers we spend so... Read More

Top 10 Tips on Managing Conflict, Emotional Tension, and Anger

To be a safe and predictable person for those around... Read More