Stress Secrets: How To Remove Hidden Sources Of Stress

Most people find it easy to identify the sources of stress in their lives. Ask Maggie M. about the stress in her life and she says, "I run a full time business and have an active toddler. My husband's job keeps him working 10 hours days, so I do most of the errands. I know exactly where stress comes from!" But many people find that even in times of great happiness, they find themselves feeling anxious, depressed or flat-out stressed. One possible cause of these feelings is invisible stressors, for example:

1) Marriage: Being a newlywed is supposed to the culmination of a dream. Women, especially, are often raised to think that marriage is the fulfillment of womanhood. But it's a huge change for men and women alike. Even if you shared living quarters before marriage, the event can give rise to new expectations and pressures from family, friends and work.

2) Travel. Many people schedule travel vacations as a reward for hard work. Beautiful beaches, a week away from the in-box, the out-box, and the phone, endless entertainments for kids. Unfortunately, even the best laid vacation plans can go awry: delayed flights, flat tires, or a sick child can snag even the most seamless vacation plans. And travel advertisement may not be realistic: the beach may be crowded, the best restaurant closed for repairs, the slopes snow-free. Maybe a hidden hope of romance didn't come true, or the antiques shopping turned out to be more expensive or less interesting than you expected.

3) Holidays. While the movie "Home for the holidays" plays on the humor of holiday stress, in real-life the stress takes place real-time. You may be meeting new people or parents who still treat you as if you're a teenager. We may expect gifts, family behavior, or meals that don't meet those expectations. And for many people, holidays bring up painful memories of people now gone, happier times gone by, or past dashed hopes.

4) Promotions. We often view promotion as a reward for hard labor or special ability, with a more prestigious title or increased paycheck. But promotions can shake up your self-image; you may ask if you're really up to the new tasks, deserving of the raise, or capable of handling the new people you'll be working with. Even the increased paycheck can bring up questions at home about how the extra money should be spent (or not spent) and how it will impact the lives of your children or parents.

5) Retirement or children leaving home. You may be thinking: "Ah, now I have time for myself." No more fussing and feuding about the job, the boss, the child's fluctuating grades or more dubious friends. But these milestones also involve a redefining of the self: who am I now that I'm not "a carpenter," "a manager," or "Dad"?

What's The Common Factor

The first key to finding hidden stressors is to look for changes. Any big change, even a positive one, is a change, and change - in our evolutionary pasts - were equated with danger. Our bodies go through a series of hormonal and neuronal changes to deal with potential danger, and we feel stressed until we've learned to accommodate a new situation.

The second key to finding hidden stressors is to look for situations where one's expectations don't match reality. This is the situation when vacations don't go as planned or we discover that our new spouse, wonderful though he is, owns three versions of a video golf game.

How To Manage Hidden Stress

So, how can we mitigate some of these stresses? First, understand that they are stresses. Give yourself the mental space to accommodate these changes; understand that it will take some time to adapt to these changes. Second, recognize what your expectations are about a big change - what are your hopes for your retirement? your pregnancy? Then garner information: talk with friends who've been to your chosen vacation spot, meet with other expectant fathers, talk with your favorite siblings about what worked about the last family holidays and didn't.

Plan for the problems that may arrive, but also make sure your plan has space and time in it for the problems you couldn't predict: don't plan the first event for an hour after you arrive in Orlando, schedule an activity for your weekend guests that will leave you an hour and an empty house to relax in. Make sure there's some dreamtime scheduled into your first few weeks of retirement and some time for spontaneous changes that can be the best part of any new event. While you can't plan for every event, you can give yourself the space to accommodate the unplannable and enjoy the new part of your life.

McConnell EA, "Myths & facts ... about stress." Nursing, Volume 30, issue 8, p. 82, 2000

Jones PS, "Adaptability: a personal resource for health," Scholarly Inquiry for Nursing Practice, Volume 5, issue 2, p. 95-108, 1991

Stokes SA, Gordon SE., " Common stressors experienced by the well elderly, clinical implications," Journal of Gerontological Nursing, Volume 29, issue 5, p 38-46, 2003

Copyright (C) Shoppe.MD and Ian Mason, 2004-2005

Learn more about health, diet and exercise at our weight loss forum.

PhenForum.com is a popular discussion forum for weight loss programs, diet advice, and tips to help you burn fat.

All the best,

Ian Mason

---

Getting Rid of Your Frustrations

Punch a pillowScream into a pillowTurn on your favorite music... Read More

Stress Management: Are You a Chooser or a Loser?

Author and speaker H. Stephen Glenn has said,"In terms of... Read More

7 Tips to Relieve Stress At Work

Do you feel stress at work? Do you carry your... Read More

Control Stress or It Will Control Your Business

When we think about stress in the workplace, we usually... Read More

Taking Care of Yourself

Living in our world today can be very stressful. While... Read More

Stress Managment: 5 Things to Clean Out of Your Mental Closet

ExcusesWe all have them. It amazes me how creative I... Read More

Energy - How to Have More of It

Something the successful business person needs is - lots of... Read More

Managing Your Every Day Stresses And Anxieties

Looking for all of the answers in how to manage... Read More

Stress Dangerously Raises Cholesterol Levels

Several studies, including one of medical students around exam time,... Read More

Make a Handbag - Discover Inner Peace and Stress Reduction

Have you ever considered sewing a handbag as an act... Read More

Stress Management: How to Avoid the Ruts and Holes of Life

Have you ever noticed how we keep falling into the... Read More

Discover The Wisdom of Letting Go

When a great Zen Master returned to his country after... Read More

Chewing On Mindfulness: Gum Is Your Secret

My grandmother, a feisty and athletic woman in her younger... Read More

Stress Management: The Power of a Day

I learned a valuable lesson recently. A short while ago,... Read More

Stress Relief - An Industry For Self Inflicted Stress

Stress ReliefStress is a big business in Western society. We... Read More

How to Cope When Things Go Wrong

There are times in every person's life when things do... Read More

Conquering Stress and Depression with Exercise

One of the best ways to combat stress and depression... Read More

Permission to Play

At what age does the benefit of play cease? Child... Read More

Stress Control: Tough Leadership vs. Easy Does It

Tough leaders are usually seen as ogres. Their exacting demands... Read More

How To Cut Down On College Stress

Probably the least appreciated form of stress is college stress.... Read More

The Underlying Cause of Nervous Breakdowns

Life can offer us many challenges having to do with... Read More

Alleviate Stress Without Pills!

We all have it; we live with it daily: stress.... Read More

How to Cope With Stress and Strain

Work related tensions, personal issues and abnormal lifestyles are the... Read More

Canadian Physicians on Slippery Slope of Burnout

In a recent CMA survey of 2251 physicians, over 45%... Read More

Stress Management Shouldnt Create More Stress. 10 Ways To Reduce Unreasonable Stress and Boost Perf

We all know that stress levels in the workplace are... Read More

Just Breathe - Is This Your Missing Link ?

Breathing is the vital force of life. It is considered... Read More

Balancing Acts: Keeping Work and Life in Equilibrium

In the fast-paced world that we live in today, it... Read More

How To Reduce Stress and Ease Worries in Just 3 Minutes

Meditation, relaxation and visualisation are the standard recommendations for reducing... Read More

5 Steps to Stress Relief

Take a moment to think about the week that just... Read More

Stress is a Killer?Will it get YOU?

What good is Personal or Business Success...if your Health is... Read More

Those Deceiving Emotions

Deceiving? You bet they are. How? Without your even knowing... Read More

Music Therapy: Can Music Really Soothe The Savage Beast?

It has long been suggested that "music soothes the savage... Read More

Are You Leap-Frogging from Vacation to Vacation? Try Lily-Padding...

It's summertime and chances are you can remember a summer... Read More