Numbers

Direct Answers - Column for the week of May 19, 2003

I'm currently in the classic older man and younger woman relationship. I'm 50 years old, Nancy is 30, and we are both divorced. I was not looking for anyone when Nancy came into my life. She is beautiful and sweet, and I absolutely adore her.

I could think of a million reasons why it doesn't make sense to have a relationship with a younger woman. But she doesn't feel that way at all. So why am I writing? At this juncture in my life I simply can't see this relationship in the long term.

I have told Nancy not to waste time with someone like me; I have far less life to live than she does. She insists I have plenty of time left, though I cannot see where this could possibly go and be good for both of us. Am I simply sounding like some insecure, middle-aged idiot, or should I enjoy what we have and see where it leads?

Simon

Simon, if you know something in your own heart that prevents this, or if there is an issue you haven't resolved, such as having children, that's one thing. But if it's simply the idea of the years, the years don't matter.

To suggest the difference in age is the problem implies being close in age would guarantee success. But that is not true. Almost half the couples in the United States divorce, and most of them are close in age.

It is love that is the center of everything, not the number of years since your birth. It is love which creates alignment and balance between two people. What matters is that you love each other and belong together. In addition, there is no guarantee Nancy will outlive you.

Being an insecure, middle-aged idiot is no fun, so we suggest that you enjoy what you have and see where it leads.

Wayne & Tamara

Free Will

My story is like most others. All the signs were there, but for some reason I wanted to believe the lies.

My former boyfriend met his ex-wife behind my back. I also suspected an affair with his boss. That thought nagged me. So one night when he was away I looked up her address and drove there. Lo and behold! His car was parked in her driveway at four in the morning. He said he left it there for convenience while he went out with friends for the night.

I guess the question you get most is why. But I don't want to know why he did these things, but why did I stay with someone who would cheat on me? Why would I want to believe the lies so much I went against my own logic?

Tiffany

Tiffany, if you are less than 70 years old, you have been raised all your life to believe we can make any relationship work with the right amount of hard work, compromise, and communication. That is what the "experts" claim. It isn't true.

The end result of believing every relationship can be worked on and worked through is there aren't any warning signs anymore. It is like saying since medical people can effectively treat burns, you no longer need to remove your hand from a hot stove.

You wanted a loving, monogamous relationship. That is who you are. He wanted to play the field and be intimate with whoever he wanted. That is who he is. Neither of you had the ability or the right to change the other. You tried to apply what you desired in a relationship, and what the "experts" claim is possible, to the man you had. It didn't work.

At the time you couldn't see there could be someone else for you who would be loving and monogamous. That is where you needed to go because no one has the power to change the behavior of another.

Wayne & Tamara

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

---

Who Is Wallace Wattles and Why Is He One of My Mentors and Heroes?

Who is Wallace Wattles? Wallace D. Wattles died over 90... Read More

The Power of A.S.K.ing

Have you ever had the opportunity to follow-up on a... Read More

Blessings for the Soul

In Corrogue I count my Blessings.These are numerous. There is... Read More

7 Strategies to Overcoming Anxiety and Panic Attacks

You Can Overcome panic attacks and anxiety! That is great... Read More

Duplicity

Direct Answers - Column for the week of January 26,... Read More

Experiences in My Life Prompted Me to Never Give Up

Many people think that their life is a disaster that... Read More

Been There, Done That

Fourteen years ago I was divorced from my second wife,... Read More

Recipe for Success

"Desire is a tremendous force, and must be directed in... Read More

Synchronicity

Synchronicity: the coincidence of events that seem related but are... Read More

5 Simple Tips On Using Your Senses

1. Breakfast in Bed.Imagine a lavish breakfast arrives brimming over... Read More

From the Hint of a Rainbow to...

The grey sky of morning contained an ominous quality. The... Read More

Sixty-Second Caring

"How are you doing?" you ask. There's a pause before... Read More

Big O

Growing up, I remember my Dad had some really good... Read More

Create Your Own Self Esteem - Part 2

The good part of this story is that there is... Read More

How Do You Read the Bible?

Here's a simple parable with an important moral.Each mirror, you... Read More

Faith Like a Child

Jonathan:¡§This is my brother, Jonathan¡¨. They walked into the room... Read More

Journaling for Two

Journaling is a powerful tool that can enhance our lives... Read More

Afraid of The Light?

Plato once said, "It is easy to forgive a small... Read More

An Extraordinary Person

I am not going to tell you the story of... Read More

5 Notions That Americans Should Put Out To Pasture

Wisdom and knowledge come from the same family but are... Read More

Recognize the Perfect Realtor

As soon as you have launched a strong desire, the... Read More

Magical Wreaths

Wreaths are like rings. They represent the Universal Circle ("Let... Read More

Bus Driver By Day, Online Business Success By Night

Janine Wachowski, a long-time resident of South Elgin, Illinois, drives... Read More

Switch to a Better Channel!

Peril, catastrophe and disaster.These are our friends, allies and mentors.Appearing... Read More

You Are a Beautiful Person

I wish that I could tell every person that I... Read More

The Beauty of Life

"An unexamined life is not worth living."-- SocratesI have just... Read More

Anam Cara - Losing your Religion

I am sitting before a window of morning light "losing... Read More

Jerrys Yo-Yo

The blaring sound leapt under Jerry's skin and strangled him... Read More

Spiritual Evolution: A Journey of Truth

BORN OF BODY AND SPIRITWe are born of the body... Read More

Unintended Consequences

Direct Answers - Column for the week of May 26,... Read More

You Are So Unreal

Mankind's ability to give life to lifeless objects, gives rise... Read More

No More Frustration: The Thorns of Opportunity - Part I

The Thorns of Opportunity...What are you trying so hard to... Read More

My Next Year With Jesus (Joyful Reflections On My Walk With The Lord)

The one question I keep coming back to is..."Am I... Read More