Direct Answers - Column for the week of March 17, 2003
I'm at my wit's end. My wife of 20 years is leaving me. She said she is sick of me always talking at her. She says she doesn't care about money or anything else as long as she can get away from me. I pleaded with her to stay and she stayed one night in the spare room, but she refused to talk further.
Next day I returned home from work to an empty house with no idea where anybody was. I was so upset my wife was not home preparing a meal for our teenagers, I went to the restaurant where she works. I am ashamed to say I created more than one scene in more than one place. I am now barred from the restaurant.
I'm struggling on my own at home trying for the first time in my life to cook and look after my children, who expect everything to be as their mother did it. I think my daughter understands, but my son is naďve. He thinks we can wave a magic wand and make everything right again. How I wish he was right. I even thought about suicide.
Glenn
Glenn, in old Hollywood movies there was a scene where a girl would fly into hysterics and the male lead would slap her to bring her to her senses. That's where you are now. You are in the "I can't believe this is happening" nightmare.
Everything seems unreal, and you don't know what to do next. But you have an ally. Your ally is time. Mavis Hetherington did the largest study of divorce in the United States. In her book "For Better or For Worse," she says, "Things will probably get worse over the course of this first year, then improve radically."
Life is so precious you can't consider hurting yourself because that is the most crippling thing you could do to your children. Beyond that, the greatest harm you could do to yourself is not to let your life unfold.
Move through this with fresh eyes. Your life is not falling apart. It is changing. With change comes the possibility of finding the joy and satisfaction and love which were not present in your marriage.
The way you feel today is not the way you will feel tomorrow, next week, or next month. Take care of your children. This can be the beginning of the life you were meant to live.
Tamara
Parting Shots
My husband and I have agreed to divorce, and both of us are still in the family home. He is a retired government attorney. I am a real estate agent.
Like all real estate agents, my income is very hit or miss. We have his pension and our property investment coming in on a monthly basis. I don't trust my husband to be up front about all our assets. He incorporated with partners, and he's always kept our real estate investments and business very much to himself.
I am sure you have heard all this before, but I would like not to be in the poor house when this is over. Just fair would be the best.
Charlotte
Charlotte, when you deal with other people, it's best to act in accordance with who they are. If you are dealing with a kind person who always thinks of others, you act one way. If you are dealing with someone selfish and secretive, you act another. It doesn't matter that you once shared a bed.
In olden days a man-of-war would fire a shot across the bow of another ship as a signal to stop, so they could have a chat. There is no reason why your divorce should be acrimonious, but you need a lawyer to represent your best interests. He can fire a shot across your husband's bow, so the two of them can stop for a chat.
Wayne
About The Author
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|


BORN OF BODY AND SPIRITWe are born of the body... Read More
It's funny how an acquaintance from the past just pops... Read More
Another perfect sunset seen from Redondo Beach, California. Since arriving... Read More
Besides your daily feelings, thoughts, and experiences journal, there are... Read More
Safety is an interesting concept. When we think of safety... Read More
If you were an Angel what could you do to... Read More
"Without health, life is not life; it is only a... Read More
I remember when I was just a little guy probably... Read More
Direct Answers - Column for the week of December 13,... Read More
The problem with this is that fantasies usually don't come... Read More
"You cannot control what happens to you, but you can... Read More
In the streets of Bogotá, a child - named Simon*... Read More
Direct Answers - Column for the week of February 9,... Read More
Researchers are seeking to identify how dolphins communicate. Unfortunately it... Read More
Let us renew our hope in humanity. It's so easy... Read More
It is often difficult to know exactly what to do.... Read More
This is my new favorite quote. Now to understand it... Read More
The true test in life does not occur when all... Read More
Huh? You're probably wondering when this article was written, and... Read More
What is passion? Recently after a presentation, I was once... Read More
Have you or do you know someone who has been... Read More
Growing up, I remember my Dad had some really good... Read More
So much has been written about success that one often... Read More
Mankind's ability to give life to lifeless objects, gives rise... Read More
Nowadays the majority of people live in very large cities.... Read More
The greatest achievements were obtained by those who took one... Read More
There is a story about a little girl who suffered... Read More
Direct Answers - Column for the week of March 24,... Read More
Direct Answers - Column for the week of October 7,... Read More
"A loving person lives in a loving world. A hostile... Read More
The old familiar adages just don't do it for me... Read More
"I would like to pray more. But ... how to... Read More
What you believe in the inside, to a large extent... Read More


There is one line that can dramatically impact your life... Read More
"It's better to give than to receive." You've probably heard... Read More
The feeling response to being filled up with Love from... Read More
The early months of this year brought major challenges, as... Read More
Most people give up just when they're about to achieve... Read More
How strong are you? I'm not asking if you... Read More
Excerpt From The Relationship Handbook: How to Understand and Improve... Read More
Chang lived in Flushing, Queens. Every afternoon he rode the... Read More
Great inspiring people have influenced people in every area of... Read More
Growing up, as a child of the 60's, peace, love... Read More
For one who takes pride in being involved with different... Read More
You have just completed a major work project before the... Read More
We all love picnics. They represent a fun time as... Read More
Consider this. If it is possible to quote you as... Read More
Have you ever thought? What inspires YOU? What is it... Read More
It was a mild summer day in Raleigh-Durham, North Carolina... Read More
People often ask me how they can improve their lives.I... Read More
Some people live in and talk about the past so... Read More
Direct Answers - Column for the week of August 25,... Read More
I decreed my 'twin' into my life in early 1990.... Read More
Direct Answers - Column for the week of September 1,... Read More
Direct Answers - Column for the week of November 17,... Read More
Many of us invest quality time and energy into our... Read More
I will persist until I succeed. Always will I take... Read More
A man is known by the company he keeps. We... Read More
I had been fighting with the software program that I... Read More
Direct Answers - Column for the week of October 13,... Read More
Oh my God, I'm not immortal anymore! What happened? Where's... Read More
You Can Overcome panic attacks and anxiety! That is great... Read More
Life is perfect. If you have read these articles long... Read More
I stepped up to the edge and looked down. I... Read More
Direct Answers - Column for the week of March 24,... Read More
One day Mr. Shoaff said, "Jim, if you want to... Read More
Inspirational |