Following Through

Direct Answers - Column for the week of March 24, 2003

My final divorce papers sit in front of me waiting for my signature. In fact, they've been sitting on my desk for five days now. It took me two days to even open the envelope and another full day to look at the actual documents. I still haven't entirely read through them. I cannot bring myself to sign.

Eight months ago, after months of emotional turmoil, we both agreed a divorce would be in our best interest. I was relieved at the time. I was tired of him drinking every night until he passed out on the sofa. I was tired of feeling belittled. I never quite healed from the affair I found out about, and I know there were others.

We were married eight years. I never felt I was his partner in life. I felt I was just another piece of furniture. We have two beautiful little boys who adore their daddy. They were a big reason for wanting this divorce. I didn't want them growing up thinking drinking on a daily basis is normal.

For years I wanted counseling. I would plead, "Let's go before our problems get out of control!" He insisted we didn't have anything we couldn't handle. By the time we made it to counseling it was too late. Besides, he refused to say he had an addiction.

I tell myself if he truly reaches out for help and remains changed for a year after our divorce, maybe we could try with a fresh start.

I heard a preacher say, "Fidelity is more than sexual fidelity. It is when every decision you make during the day is the best one for yourself, your spouse, and your children." Wayne and Tamara, that's the only relationship I want.

The papers still sit in front of me. How do I know I'm doing the right thing?

Felicity

Felicity, what you are facing is the death of a dream, the dream of what your marriage was supposed to be like.

Faced with the choice of drinking or losing his family, your husband continues to drink. You may have every reason to hope he will change, but you have absolutely no reason to believe he will change.

Boys look to their father to show them how to be a man, and a drunk is someone who has clearly lost the way. Courts and the law have a simple view of the matter. They don't knowingly allow a child to be adopted in a family where one parent is an alcoholic. There are laws against drinking and driving. Perhaps there should be laws against drinking and parenting.

You cannot focus on your husband sobering up. That has always been only under his power, and never under yours. He may be 20 years from admitting his problem. He may never admit it. You can't put your life on hold waiting for someone to do what they may never do.

Tamara says she cannot even shop without having me in her mind. "Everything I lay my eyes upon," she says, "I lay my heart upon where lives my husband." Your mate has to be an enhancement to your life. It cannot be any other way.

Wayne

Geronimo!

I'm a 19-year-old male from Liverpool, England. I'm a decent looking lad, but since I broke up from my first serious relationship, I haven't met anyone else. Can you give me advice on meeting girls and actually asking them out?

Gunther

Gunther, are you putting out vibes you are pining for your ex? Out with the old and in with the new.

Look around and start asking?to movies, to lunch, to a bookstore, to whatever you fancy. Follow your own interests and what you have a passion for, and remember this is not like school, where one grade follows another. Love doesn't follow anyone's schedule, and that is why it is so wonderful.

Tamara

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

---

Purpose filled Lives --The Big Picture!

"Can't see the forest because of the trees," heard it... Read More

Don?t Let the Boogeyman Steal Your Dreams

The boogeyman lurking in the closet scares the bejesus out... Read More

The Seasons of Life, Part 1 of 5

Life is about constant, predictable patterns of change. For the... Read More

The Seasons Of Life, Part 5 of 5

This week is Part Five of our five part series... Read More

The Beauty of Life

"An unexamined life is not worth living."-- SocratesI have just... Read More

Why Should We Keep Our Thoughts Clear?

From my experience some healings come instantly or during short... Read More

Smile! Banish Your Fear

Changing our physiology is one of the best ways to... Read More

Life is Art

In my years teaching people to be successful, I have... Read More

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

Whoever coined this phrase is a genius. Life finds ways... Read More

When Human Beings Take It To The Limit

In life we all have dreams and goals, aspirations to... Read More

Entrepreneur and Mom

When I was 12 years old, I had surgery with... Read More

Giving Importance

I call myself semi-retired. I work at a job that... Read More

How to Guarantee a GREAT Day Every Day!

I have a standing interview every Monday morning on a... Read More

Breaking Bonds

I am just out of high school, and I have... Read More

Dread Disease Dragged Out My Best

In denial, I was slow to accept Multiple Sclerosis. Who,... Read More

Heavy Weather Guide

Direct Answers - Column for the week of April 26,... Read More

Never Too Busy to Listen

Are things busy at your house or workplace? Imagine how... Read More

Healing The Abandonment Wounds

I have counseled individuals, couples, families and business partners for... Read More

Live After 40

"For man, as a specie, and unlike other inhabitants of... Read More

Principles That Govern My Life

The strength and durability of a building is found in... Read More

Play a BIGGER role in life!

Did you ever think that you are not playing the... Read More

Win Your Own Lotto

When people talk about enrichment, they are usually thinking of... Read More

Financial Freedom Blues

Steps to Financial Freedom, roadmap to financial freedom, achieve financial... Read More

Those Who Sleep Get Sliced

Chang lived in Flushing, Queens. Every afternoon he rode the... Read More

A Journey of a Thousand Miles

There is a Chinese proverb that says, "A journey of... Read More

Facing the Enemies Within

We are not born with courage, but neither are we... Read More

What Legacy Are We Leaving Our Children?

Children can seem exhausting, annoying, wonderful, loud and funny all... Read More

Remember Within

Remember when you were really young? It was an era... Read More

Change Your Landscape by Seeing with New Eyes

A Story (Source Unknown) ? One day a very wealthy... Read More

How Four Words Can Enhance Your Life Of Prayer (Pray More In My Hectic Day? You Cant Be Serious)

"I would like to pray more. But ... how to... Read More

A Life of Purposes Extraction

Purpose. What is purpose? Drinking coffee when you wake up... Read More

Discovering The Art of Bending Your Mindset And Manifesting Your Multiple Intelligences

Discovering the Art of Bending Your Mindset and Manifesting your... Read More

Anamcara - The Blessing of Peace

"Come out of the circle of time and into... Read More