Direct Answers - Column for the week of April 26, 2004
My girlfriend and I are basically the same age, just a six month difference. When I went to buy the engagement ring in February, I felt certain she was the right one. She accepted my proposal by saying, "If we go slow?"
We've been doing that. We had the ring resized to fit her finger, and the wedding wasn't to be until Easter 2006. This morning she broke it off. We were happy and taking it slow, but for some reason it felt fast to her. Right from the start, her relatives pressured her to break up. She asked me questions, I answered honestly, and my answers were acceptable.
I want to get married and have my own happy family in the next five years. Preferably in the next two. This afternoon I even cried. What can or should I do? I know suicide's not the answer, but maybe it would make a difference to her and them. No, I don't want to do that, but like I said, I'm feeling sad today.
Michael
Michael, on a merchant ship the second mate is responsible for navigation. Traditionally, each morning the mate would rise, take a fix on the stars, and recompute a fresh course to the destination. This is necessary because the wind and sea push the ship off yesterday's course.
The mate can chart a course and ring up the speed, but the sea determines when the ship will arrive. There is no point fighting against the sea, or against life. Ordinarily when a person thinks of suicide, it is because they are holding to a fixed idea, and they cannot imagine life in any other way. But life is full of possibilities.
If your depression is serious, seek help. But your sadness seems based on rigid expectations. You have a schedule in your head, and you want life to conform to your schedule. In the next two years you want to find a woman who loves you, whom you love, who will marry you, and produce children. That sounds more like ordering a new car than love.
Out of great love for someone who loves you, come a family and happiness. Where is the great love for this woman in your letter? No, what we hear is the two year schedule. What we hear is the difference between this woman, and your plans for a woman.
Life, and people, cannot be bent to your will. Surrender your schedule and allow your life to unfold.
The traditional farewell of a mariner is wishing a friend fair winds and a following sea. But the truth is we learn more about ourselves and our ship in a storm than in calm waters.
Wayne & Tamara
Seesaw
I'm a single woman who is intelligent, kindhearted, and attractive. I recently ended a relationship with a man I'll call Jordan. Jordan slowly moved from wanting to spend every moment with me to "needing some space."
Jordan is bipolar and refuses to seek help, and my attempts to help left him better and me with an hour of sleep. Recently we enjoyed a great afternoon when he invited me to a party. Well, the last time we went to a party, I was basically "left by the punchbowl." When I gently expressed my concern, he screamed, "Get out!" Which I promptly did.
I realize I'm stupid to want anything but to move on, but for curiosity's sake, because it's driving me crazy, what on earth is his problem? We seem to want the same thing, each other, yet he's going back and forth faster than a swing.
Darlene
Darlene, you ask what on earth is his problem. To borrow a phrase from teenagers, "Duh?" He is an unmedicated, bipolar person.
As long as he won't address the problem of his mood swings, there is no place on the swing for you.
Tamara
About The Author
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
What am I supposed to do with my life? Shouldn't... Read More
So often we stop and look at our lives and... Read More
Your own level of frequency raises or lowers the overall... Read More
As I sat down to write this article, I was... Read More
Wonder:~~To think or speculate curiously~~To be filled with admiration, amazement... Read More
Discovering the Art of Bending Your Mindset and Manifesting your... Read More
Direct Answers - Column for the week of August 11,... Read More
We have given a lot of thought, paid an indecent... Read More
Self-confidence is your assessment of your own self-worth. It plays... Read More
Both failure and success are good... if you know what... Read More
Did you ever receive a gift in an unexpected place?I... Read More
On June 3rd, 1948, a blast rocked the Black Hills... Read More
The strength and durability of a building is found in... Read More
I hate saying that. It feels so very wrong. It's... Read More
Researchers are seeking to identify how dolphins communicate. Unfortunately it... Read More
There is an old saying, which warns, "be careful for... Read More
In life we all have dreams and goals, aspirations to... Read More
Matthew 5:14-16You are the light of the world. A city... Read More
Your Spirit is continuously beaming communications to you. As long... Read More
Direct Answers - Column for the week of May 26,... Read More
When all that you have done has not brought you... Read More
Did you ever think that you are not playing the... Read More
What is your recovery rate? How long does it take... Read More
We all love picnics. They represent a fun time as... Read More
It's interesting how we intellectually know that tomorrow will be... Read More
My perception is that universe infinitely blesses us every moment.... Read More
We all question our ability at times. Uncertainty plagues us.... Read More
When you get home from work, do you feel enriched,... Read More
It has been six months since I left the corporate... Read More
This week is Part Five of our five part series... Read More
Direct Answers - Column for the week of October 7,... Read More
Even though this article was next on my idea list,... Read More
It was 1:30 A.M. on Friday, December 6, 1991. Patrolman... Read More
(Excerpted from the Jim Rohn Two Day Weekend event -... Read More
As we progress into the year, it is necessary for... Read More
So who is Dr Robert Anthony?He is the best-selling author... Read More
Do you have a goal? A focus in life? Have... Read More
I've spoken with many people who, over time, have felt... Read More
In life we all have dreams and goals, aspirations to... Read More
Yesterday I was but a child, looking. Looking ahead at... Read More
I had been fighting with the software program that I... Read More
Who is Wallace Wattles? Wallace D. Wattles died over 90... Read More
Direct Answers - Column for the week of January 12,... Read More
Did you ever receive a gift in an unexpected place?I... Read More
Are you looking for the meaning of life?You work all... Read More
Have you ever listened to self hypnosis tapes? Or listened... Read More
Recently my dad visited me in Victoria, BC. He is... Read More
What is passion? Recently after a presentation, I was once... Read More
The true test in life does not occur when all... Read More
Direct Answers - Column for the week of September 23,... Read More
In Corrogue it is frosty.The earth is hard and unyielding.... Read More
In old buildings there was a boiler room where men... Read More
Having spring around makes you feel different after such a... Read More
Recently a romantic relationship came to an end and I... Read More
Back to our youth days, we were taught that by... Read More
Safety is an interesting concept. When we think of safety... Read More
This week is Part Four of our five part series... Read More
When my older son was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity... Read More
This is a message from an Angel. Can you relate?... Read More
When we look at lives in any places in this... Read More
In the moment of completing a thought or action, it... Read More
So much has been written about success that one often... Read More
(excerpted from the New Jim Rohn Weekend Event DVD/CD series)Is... Read More
Yesterday I turned 48, and she just turned 21. Uh-oh,... Read More
Sometimes we are concerned with being right and we don't... Read More
Direct Answers - Column for the week of August 25,... Read More
Inspirational |