The Best Policy

Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 28, 2003

How do I help a former friend let go of a friendship that's not working for me?

This woman, I'll call her "Anne," is a life coach. We met last year and hit it off as friends. The problem for me is the vast majority of our conversation centered around Anne and her situation, particularly as it related to men. On and on these conversations would go about this guy or that. My honest feedback was not well received.

Prior to getting fed up with the lack of balance in our friendship, I invited her to speak at a conference I organized. The event took place last month, and Anne was just okay as a speaker. Reviews were mixed, but it was done.

Last night Anne left a message indicating she wanted me to be a referral for a potential client. I feel bad about recommending someone I no longer believe to be effective. How do I get off her calling list without being unkind?

Laurel

Laurel, in this situation truthfulness is more important than politeness. Politeness will get you more of what you don't want more of.

Anne doesn't take criticism, or the truth, well. She makes a good first impression, but she does not have the understanding she is trying to sell to others. Giving Anne what she wants makes you a co-conspirator with her, and that is an incongruity you cannot live with.

Just as your life must proceed from honesty, so must Anne's. Tell Anne reviews of her performance don't allow you to make a recommendation. If she takes offense, she is taking offense to the truth.

Tamara

Beating A Dead Horse

I am American and my husband British. We met while he lived and worked for two years in the US. When we became engaged, we discussed where we wanted to settle and that place is America. We both feel strongly about this.

We did, however, decide to move to the UK for two years for him to finish a few things and get his US green card. That is much easier to do abroad than at home, and we told his parents we would only be in the UK a short time.

My mother-in-law is a person who uses mind games to get her way. She has directly insulted America to me claiming everything from American greed to gun problems. She whines that her grandchildren will not be close to her, and she has even hung up the phone on my husband. She is a right brat!

I know it must be hard for her, and I understand, I really do. But we can't always live around the corner, and I am starting to get angry. My husband told his family they are welcome to come stay with us for a month or longer at a time, but my mother-in-law said, "I don't like to fly, and I don't think I'll like Texas!"

My husband knows his mother is a difficult woman, but he hates conflict and wants to keep the peace. My mom says keeping my cool is the best thing to do.

Kay

Kay, before you insult the royal family or British cuisine, remember your mom's advice and keep your cool. Don't argue with your mother-in-law. By the very act of arguing you are giving substance to her wishes. Arguing as if it is unsettled may make it unsettled.

When you give in to a difficult person, they don't become more reasonable, they become more difficult. They think they are entitled to win all the time. Once you have moved, your mother-in-law can visit you, and if you can afford it, you can visit her.

Maybe she'll even like Texas. Or maybe she will love to hate Texas. But either way your mother-in-law's behavior sounds like a better argument for emigrating than for living around the corner.

Wayne

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

---

About Self Love

1. How do I love myself?2. How can I feel... Read More

Triumphing Over Tough Times

Right now many people are facing tough times. Life as... Read More

Encouragement--Heart At Work

Encouragement can have a very powerful effect on bosses and... Read More

Begin With the End In Mind - Tips to Make Your Life More Meaningful

What would you change if you knew you would be... Read More

I Believe in You!

Ally Becker came home from school after Varsity basketball practice... Read More

How to Pray on Water! Announcing Life-Changing Bible Code - Discover Amazing Water Scriptures!

Water is the source of life, yet so few of... Read More

Everybody is Somebody

I wrote about my life and all that I have... Read More

Lewis And Clark Pay Attention

As I write this Southern California has just ended its... Read More

Breaking Through Uncertainty - Welcoming Advertisty

We all question our ability at times. Uncertainty plagues us.... Read More

Small Wonder

Wonder:~~To think or speculate curiously~~To be filled with admiration, amazement... Read More

Make A Difference - Just Go Make A Difference!

Three Words That Can Help Us Live Exceptional LivesCertain words... Read More

Adversity to Victory

The following is a true story about a young friend... Read More

Create Resistance or Creative Acceptance

Resistance is not a new word, but for many of... Read More

7 Perks to Living a Life on Purpose

1. We all have a purpose in this life time.The... Read More

Summertime - Take Time To Smell The Roses

I AM SO GRATEFUL for the time to smell the... Read More

Create Your Own Self Esteem - Part 2

The good part of this story is that there is... Read More

A Reason For Living in a Nutshell

In brief, my book A REASON FOR LIVING is the... Read More

Naomi and the 5 Life Lessons

Not long ago, I attended a seminar that featured Naomi... Read More

The TOP 5 Things That Keep You From Success

Everyone wants to be rich. A lot of people want... Read More

Forgotten Dreams: At the End... Part I

Treasures of a lifetime...At the end of your life will... Read More

Bus Driver By Day, Online Business Success By Night

Janine Wachowski, a long-time resident of South Elgin, Illinois, drives... Read More

Accelerate Your Abilities

In today's fast-paced life, the wins usually go to those... Read More

The Best Policy

Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 28,... Read More

Keep On Believing

It has been said that a man is what he... Read More

You Dont Find All Drunks in the Gutter: The Story of a Functional Alcoholic!

Today, August 22, 2005, I am clean and sober for... Read More

Financial Freedom Blues

Steps to Financial Freedom, roadmap to financial freedom, achieve financial... Read More

Keeping Your Attitude Up When Circumstances Are Down

Everyone knows that a positive attitude is key to the... Read More

Whose Decision

Direct Answers - Column for the week of May 5,... Read More

Dont Ever Give Up

There is a reason I never gave up. A reason... Read More

Dread Disease Dragged Out My Best

In denial, I was slow to accept Multiple Sclerosis. Who,... Read More

Supercharge Your Dreams!

We all accept the fact that the lighter the backpack,... Read More

Your World Your Way - Trusting Yourself In Business

"It doesn't interest me who you are, or how you... Read More

Tsunami

This article was channelled through me by an entity called... Read More