Dream Lover

Direct Answers - Column for the week of September 1, 2003

I met my wife a dozen years ago and her best friend shortly thereafter. I was always fond of my wife's friend. We all shared a good deal of time together through our college years and now into our thirties. She is married with two children as are we.

We live in the same town, our families spend a good deal of time together, and I'm good friends with her husband. My problem is I cannot stop thinking about her. I'll go out of my way to be with her. I dream about her nearly every night.

I am physically attracted to her but no more than to any other good looking 30-year-old. My wife and I have a good relationship physically and emotionally. So what the heck is going on? What should I do?

I can't break off all contact. Our families are much too close, and everybody will want to know why. I think telling my wife will only get her upset. So I am stuck with feelings I can't tell anybody about, and I can't think of any way to correct my situation.

Robin

Robin, there are many ways to alter the course of a life. For example, you could rob a bank. You could pass a note to a teller that says, "Give me all your money." That would change the course of your life, but it's not a very productive method and neither is this fantasy.

Nowhere do you state this woman has a romantic interest in you. She seems to be an innocent puppet in a play you're staging in your mind. In fact, her reaction to an actual overture may turn your dream into a nightmare. If you tell your wife, it may change the way she looks at you forever.

A huge amount of mental energy is flowing toward this other woman. Why? What is wrong with the rest of your life that your thoughts flow there? That is where you need to look. Your wife's best friend is a diversion from something you need to face up to.

It could be your career is not going where you wanted. It could be something else. But before you take any more steps down fantasy road, focus on what you really think about your life, your job, and your family.

The dream you had for life is not turning out as you hoped, and that is why you dream of your wife's best friend. Pulling mental energy away from her and shifting the focus to yourself, will point you toward the answer. If the answer still eludes you, individual counseling may help.

Wayne & Tamara

Not Enough

I am in a relationship that is still fairly new. He and I have things in common, but our feelings toward this relationship are not mutual. He treats me exactly like I want to be treated, but I don't have a strong desire for him.

Not that he's unattractive or anything like that, it's just I feel that it's a bit rushed. I am tired of casual dating and I want something solid, but not overnight. He also does and says everything he thinks I want to hear and not what he really feels.

My sister thinks I am selfish and unappreciative, but that's not really the case. She tells me to keep him, he's a good man. I already know that, but I don't feel he's the good man for me.

Nora

Nora, without your sister's influence, we doubt you would have written. You have examined your own feelings and come to a reasoned conclusion. It is not enough that he is a good man.

Maybe you are wiser than your years and wiser than your sister. It is not selfish to end a relationship which is wrong for you. To act from what you know is right takes character.

Wayne & Tamara

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

---

Oldies

Direct Answers - Column for the week of January 5,... Read More

Discernment and Judgement

Discernment is an inner guide or compass. It is loving... Read More

Van Morrison, Spiritual Rock Star

Here I am gazing on the Web for extraordinary witnesses... Read More

A Path To Peace

The root of discord and violence between people and nations... Read More

World Kindness Day

Once upon a time, in ancient India, a beggar favored... Read More

It Only Takes a Spark - Pass It On

Great inspiring people have influenced people in every area of... Read More

Life is Art

In my years teaching people to be successful, I have... Read More

Believe In Yourself

Diana is a wonderful person with a great personality and... Read More

Five Reasons To Journal

Keeping a journal during the coaching process is one of... Read More

What Is Your Real Worth?

Consider this. If it is possible to quote you as... Read More

The Meaning of Life - Not Just Another Dust in the Wind Theory

I grew up in the south in the 1960's. Married... Read More

Are You Really Living Your Life Today!

Yesterday I was but a child, looking. Looking ahead at... Read More

Go On ! Give your Enemy a Hug

Another preposterous idea from yours truly, even the thought makes... Read More

Improving Your Self Esteem

Often in our society, we are bombarded with the lives... Read More

How to Conquer Fears and Worries

"More than any other time in history, mankind face a... Read More

Why Anyone Can Be Prosperous

In nature, when the season is right, all things flourish... Read More

Getting Unstuck

According to the Buddhists, between January 29 and February 12... Read More

To Thine Own Self

Direct Answers - Column for the week of December 6,... Read More

Blasting Out of the Shadows: The Power of Your True Voice

First, let me share a quote from Ashlee Simpson's latest... Read More

Future Prediction

Direct Answers - Column for the week of December 13,... Read More

How To Have An Effortless Life

Isn't that an appealing title? How to Have an Effortless... Read More

A Prison Planet

I decreed my 'twin' into my life in early 1990.... Read More

Rocking The Boat

I work in a factory, and we have supervisors who... Read More

Tim McGraw had it Right - Live Like You Are Dying!

Chorus: An' he said: "I went ski diving, I went... Read More

The Emmaus Journal ~ Quietness

The Emmaus Journal QuietnessAs a state of being, quietness is... Read More

Changing the World... One Book at a Time

Ever read a book that's changed your life? Most of... Read More

The Monkey With The Wooden Apples

There once was a happy monkey wandering the jungle, eating... Read More

The Rumble in the Jungle: Revealing Greatness

The other night I was watching a documentary on that... Read More

Discovering The Art of Bending Your Mindset And Manifesting Your Multiple Intelligences

Discovering the Art of Bending Your Mindset and Manifesting your... Read More

A Life of Purposes Extraction

Purpose. What is purpose? Drinking coffee when you wake up... Read More

Life After Death: The Story of the Green Donkey

This is the true story of what Deepak Chopra would... Read More

Lesson Learned

Direct Answers - Column for the week of December 9,... Read More

Begin With the End In Mind - Tips to Make Your Life More Meaningful

What would you change if you knew you would be... Read More