Adages for the New Age

The old familiar adages just don't do it for me any more. For instance, consider "the early bird gets the worm." In this age of freelancing, premature ejaculation and peaking too early in one's career (by age 24) a more appropriate adage might be "The early bird dies earlier."

Another one that has been puzzling me lately is "Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy wealthy and wise.' Sure it does if the woman is staying up late cleaning the house and taking care of the kids after working a full day at the office. Not only is the adage sexist but it also doesn't make any sense. Most people who work these hours slave at low paying jobs with little chance at advancement. Shouldn't it read, "Early to bed, early to rise, makes the corporation I slave for wealthy and wise?"

"The doors of wisdom are never shut." This also should be revised to read, "The doors of a 24 hour Drug or Convenience Store are never shut." It is more truthful.

Another migraine-maker is "You reap what you sow." Now whether this is supposed to apply to gardening or whatever, we know this is not true. Many individuals slave for years on projects that don't pay off, couples copulate to try and have babies with no result and people sow wheat all the time only to have it destroyed by frost or rainstorms. In these hard times, doesn't a saying such as "You reap what is available" make much more sense?

Also problematic is the ultimate adage about being sweet -- you "attract more flies with honey." The trouble with this kind of "honey" is it also attracts other creatures such as raccoons, bears and others that would rape you of your charms. Also I am very suspicious of charming people. Often they want to borrow money from you or some other favour. I think it should be changed to "Beware those bearing gifts of honey, as they probably want bread."

I also have a problem with "He who laughs last, laughs best." I think that should be changed to "He who laughs last, laughs alone." Nobody likes a joke at his or her expense.

A bird in the hand is definitely NOT worth two in the bush. A bird in the hand is worth about $2.99 a pound!

I also think "crime doesn't pay" should be revised to read, "Crime does pay, especially if you are a politician."

I would like to also suggest some new adages that are more appropriate for the 21st century:

"Lips that taste wine, shall never touch mine" should be changed to "Lips that taste wine shall never die from a heart attack."

Longing for the pre-Plague era? How about: "Let's put the promise back in promiscuity."

How about "A Rolling Stone gathers no taxes, (especially if they relocate to Switzerland)."

"Do unto others as you would have them do onto you unless you are a sadist."

"A Fool and his furniture are soon parted, especially if there is no downpayment for a year!"

After observing the neighbor across the way, I also came up "Fools who live in glass houses should not strut around naked in front of the window after a shower."

"There's no fool like an old fool" should be replaced with "age and treachery outwits beauty and youth every time."

In these conscientious times, Make Love Not War' would have to be changed to "Make Love Wearing the Appropriate Contraception not War.

I've always thought that saying "Fools rush in where angels fear to tread" makes more sense in reverse. "Angels rush in where even fools fear to tread..." I am thinking about firefighters, policeman, charitable workers, Greenpeace and other angels on earth.

One of the only adages that makes sense to me is the Chinese one "The Bigger The Front, the Bigger the back." Think about it, it makes sense.

I am also fond of the old Jamaican adage "Cat Don't Make No Dog." Well unless you factor in bioengineering in which case it is possible that a cat can make a dog. After all "With God, Anything is Possible and that is What I Am Afraid Of."

Samantha Steven's articles have been published in many high-standing newspapers and she has published several books. If you wish to buy Samantha's books about metaphysics click here http://www.insomniacpress.com/author.php?id=1 10 You can meet Samantha Stevens at http://www.psychicrealm.com where she works as a professional psychic. You can also read more of her articles at http://www.newagenotebook.com

---

A Key In Hand Is Worth A Thousand On My Desk

A key fault I have, and I can only talk... Read More

What an Artist Experiences When Working With the Angels

I am an Angel artist on a passionate spiritual journey... Read More

Maybe Im Amazed at the Way you Love Me all the Time

In Corrogue I am amazedI rise by the light of... Read More

Body Acceptance: The Secret to Weight Loss Success

Can we love our bodies? As the years go by,... Read More

5 Tips To Add More Spice To Your Life

1. Once a week, visit somewhere you've never been before.... Read More

Self Acceptance ? Lessons From My Hair Affair

For our diet and, indeed, in every aspect of our... Read More

False Start

Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 7,... Read More

Life is Art

In my years teaching people to be successful, I have... Read More

Using Failure to Further Your Future

"You may have to fight a battle more than once... Read More

Adages for the New Age

The old familiar adages just don't do it for me... Read More

Recognize the Perfect Realtor

As soon as you have launched a strong desire, the... Read More

What Is Your Real Worth?

Consider this. If it is possible to quote you as... Read More

Transform Old Grumpy

This is a true story. A woman had Snow White... Read More

How To Have An Effortless Life

Isn't that an appealing title? How to Have an Effortless... Read More

Lessons Learned Hard

Many of us seek consolation in the words of Frank... Read More

The Power of Gratitude

When my older son was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity... Read More

Money or Faith?

I've been to 64-countries, and yes money comes in handy,... Read More

$12 And 90 Minutes To Change Your Life

Have you ever listened to self hypnosis tapes? Or listened... Read More

Change Your Landscape by Seeing with New Eyes

A Story (Source Unknown) ? One day a very wealthy... Read More

Two Drops Of Water

Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 17,... Read More

The Power of Notes

Notes are very powerful. They express your thanks, encouragement, sympathy,... Read More

I Hate My Computer and Other Inspirational Thoughts

The New Year has not started out very well for... Read More

One Night Stand

Direct Answers - Column for the week of February 24,... Read More

A Plan Of Attack

Direct Answers - Column for the week of October 28,... Read More

Careful What You Wish For...

I have always been fascinated by the concept of "wishing.",... Read More

Anam Chara - Living A Life Of Value

Much of our lives we spend comparing what "me" has... Read More

Guard Your Heart

It was 1:30 A.M. on Friday, December 6, 1991. Patrolman... Read More

Giving It Your Best - The William Hung American Idol Success Story

Never underestimate the power that comes from following your passion.... Read More

Michael Vick is Average

Michael Vick can do wonders on a football field, but... Read More

Crossing The Line Of Fear

Oh, this is a great topic! I remember when I... Read More

Never Jump to Conclusions

Human mind which is well known as a fluctuating prodigy... Read More

Best Friends

Do you ever need to have your batteries "re-charged", or... Read More

Imprisoned In Liberty?

Robert was so strong that I once saw him pick... Read More