Direct Answers - Column for the week of January 6, 2003
What can a couple say and do when they have been late in getting wedding thank yous out to people? We have been married two years, with two separations among other serious challenges, and finally want to send cards.
At the same time we are embarrassed about our difficulties in marriage and getting out the cards. One of the problems is my wife's response when I asked if she would like to do this project together. She told me we have more important things to work on and even said, "They are mostly your friends. You can do them yourself!"
The cards are only the tip of the iceberg as far as our problems go. I wish I could hear some kind of answer from her like, "Yes, honey, why don't we?" Part of me feels like doing them myself and signing my name only because I thought wives were supposed to take care of this.
Ladd
Ladd, the new year is a time for new beginnings. Do it! Get enough stamps, write the cards all at once, and mail them before you lose your nerve. Nearly everyone appreciates a heartfelt apology, and during the holiday season nearly everyone is in a good mood.
Spend a few moments to rough out the message. A thank you coupled with a simple statement of regret for waiting so long is enough. You might say better late than never, or you might mention you've often thought of their gift and realized they haven't been thanked. If you remember what they gave, mention it. If not, don't worry about it. Use whatever expression comes naturally.
You never have to apologize for your own marital challenges. They are your business and no one else's. Don't worry about how people will take your thank you notes. Almost everyone will think well of you for having the courage to act.
This issue is bothering you. Evidently it doesn't bother your wife. Since the doing is to satisfy you, her participation is not required. Don't let the little negative voice within you make you fail to act just because she is unwilling to act.
Sign both names to the cards. The gift givers are not part of that problem. The point is to thank them. Once you get past this burden, you can look at other problems in your relationship. Perhaps this is your inner nature saying, With a little effort I can solve the problems which are weighing on me.
Wayne & Tamara
Terms Of Endearment
Without typing a page on how faithful I am, let me just say I love my wife very much. However, I am not sure if she has feelings for another man. In three years of marriage this thought never occurred to me before.
Recently we moved and transferred jobs. We both work long hours. Whenever I called her at work or she called me, she always called me honey or anything but my first name. Since we've been together it's always been this way when we talk on the telephone. Until now. Now she calls me Stan when a certain male coworker of hers is near.
I guess the reason I realized this is because it sounded so strange to hear. I am not the jealous type but this has me wondering. Am I reading too much into this? I have not noticed any other change in her whatsoever.
Stan
Stan, next time you talk to your wife at work and she calls you by name, try this. Tell her you are feeling the need for a little reassurance. Ask her to tell you she loves you, and ask her, for your peace of mind, to call you darling.
If she refuses or jokes her way out of your request, tell her when she gets home you would like to discuss something that's been on your mind.
Tamara
About The Author
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
1. Sit back and enjoy (or at least tolerate) the... Read More
When people talk about enrichment, they are usually thinking of... Read More
Exploring beneath the surface of a reoccurring relationship issue can... Read More
Even if you are not a cat person, bear with... Read More
Did you ever wonder how you ended up where you... Read More
Self-confidence is your assessment of your own self-worth. It plays... Read More
The Emmaus Journal QuietnessAs a state of being, quietness is... Read More
I have always thought that grandparents were the icons of... Read More
From my experience some healings come instantly or during short... Read More
Spend some time thinking about how good you have it.... Read More
There is nothing worse than seeing garbage blowing down the... Read More
As I drove home from work late one wintry afternoon,... Read More
How strong are you? I'm not asking if you... Read More
"Come out of the circle of time and into... Read More
I love to watch people at airports, malls and even... Read More
Such as my defeat overwhelmed me, so did my love... Read More
The old familiar adages just don't do it for me... Read More
How often do you decline an invitation because you have... Read More
This article was channelled through me by an entity called... Read More
Boy, do I feel old. Or at least older.No, I... Read More
Let us renew our hope in humanity. It's so easy... Read More
Continued....When I turned 18 years old, I met a new... Read More
"An unexamined life is not worth living."-- SocratesI have just... Read More
Direct Answers - Column for the week of May 24,... Read More
Direct Answers - Column for the week of October 13,... Read More
Direct Answers - Column for the week of April 19,... Read More
INSPIRATION can be a powerful thing. It can keep... Read More
In old buildings there was a boiler room where men... Read More
There is a reason I never gave up. A reason... Read More
Over the years as I've sought out ideas, principles and... Read More
An 18 month-old girl lay dying of diphtheria in January... Read More
Over my extended Thanksgiving weekend I took some time to... Read More
Each day brings a new beginning. It's a new leaf... Read More
Direct Answers - Column for the week of April 21,... Read More
It has been six months since I left the corporate... Read More
Direct Answers - Column for the week of February 24,... Read More
You must absolutely have a vision, or a dream, for... Read More
What you believe in the inside, to a large extent... Read More
Direct Answers - Column for the week of October 27,... Read More
You've lost your job, that's all you know, and you... Read More
I have been a business owner for about a minute.... Read More
In a recent disaster, a man was asked why he... Read More
Life is full of problems.The more you solve them, the... Read More
We all question our ability at times. Uncertainty plagues us.... Read More
There is an old saying, which warns, "be careful for... Read More
The tiny dogwood sapling was only a twig when my... Read More
In Berlin a restaurant opens for anorexics and in Buffalo... Read More
Why are we trying so hard? It is like we... Read More
Self esteem.Now there's a well used and little understood term.... Read More
It is time to take responsibility for our actions and... Read More
Today more than ever before, we are witnessing a crises... Read More
Quotable quotes are nothing more than flowery words... And anyone... Read More
"We are built to conquer environment, solve problems, achieve goals... Read More
Think of an adventure that you might like to take.... Read More
This article was channelled through me by an entity called... Read More
A new twist on a familiar quote - Chances are... Read More
I bought this computer just over two years ago with... Read More
Janine Wachowski, a long-time resident of South Elgin, Illinois, drives... Read More
I AM SO GRATEFUL for the time to smell the... Read More
Great inspiring people have influenced people in every area of... Read More
The movies--what a wonderful way to spend an afternoon! I... Read More
Direct Answers - Column for the week of September 29,... Read More
We all accept the fact that the lighter the backpack,... Read More
Oh my God, I'm not immortal anymore! What happened? Where's... Read More
In Corrogue it is frosty.The earth is hard and unyielding.... Read More
Let's look at the lesson we should all pay attention... Read More
Inspirational |