Yesterday I turned 48, and she just turned 21. Uh-oh, I can hear the gears turning in your heads already.
She will graduate from university in England in June with a degree in psychology, and we have discussed her coming to live here with me in the States. So far she's come once, for a week, against her parents' better judgment. That's another story. I've been to see her twice, a week each time.
We are unbelievably content when we are together. It's as if we've been together all along. When I look at her, I don't see "21," I see a woman I am completely crazy about. When she holds my hand, my heart races.
At first I'm sure it was the novelty of the situation. She was enthralled with the spoilings and attention of an older man, although she's never asked me for anything. I was completely enraptured with the concept that a woman such as she would be interested in me, but it has gone past that for both of us.
Yes, it's a physical thing. The lovemaking is the most passionate I've ever experienced, but it's also become a thing of the heart. She has even mentioned (oh no!) marriage. And thus my question. Am I wrong for not being able to see this as permanent? With a 27 year age difference, how long could it realistically last?
For medical reasons, I can never give her children of her own, which is a very sore point with her parents. And for at least the next few years, she will have to deal with the social pressures of being with a man twice her age, which can be quite cruel. Acceptance on my end is not a problem. My close friends have met and like her, and she is emotionally beyond her years.
I've considered leaving things as they are. I think deep down I fear keeping her as my own will cheat her out of the best part of her youth. I am open to your comments and suggestions. I know that in the end, I (or we actually) will undoubtedly follow our hearts.
Arthur
Arthur, a short distance from our house is a roadway with a curve. It's a very mild curve. The road jogs a few feet to the left and then jogs a few feet back to the right. It's such a gentle curve it's hard to imagine it could ever be a problem. That's what the parents of the 20-year-old college student who died there must be thinking.
The accident happened at 11 o'clock in the morning, no drinking or excessive speed involved. Their son just missed the curve and hit a tree.
We cannot live our lives based on actuarial tables. Those tables describe the behavior of great masses of people, but they are a poor guide for individuals. Nonetheless, there are serious issues for the two of you to consider. Roll them around, look at them, turn them over. Love may lead you in either direction.
She is on the cusp of adulthood. You are more than a generation apart, and age difference will be a factor for her the entire time you are together. If having children with her husband is an imperative, this relationship can't succeed. If her parents' approval is an absolute requirement, that is another barrier.
Give yourself enough time to see if the novelty wears off. You have been with each other only a short period. See if the love grows and builds and if issues are resolved.
Most people who marry are close in age, and half of American marriages end in divorce. Age does not make or break a relationship. Love makes or breaks a relationship.
Actuarially speaking, the odds are against you, but actuarial tables are not a basis for living a life.
Wayne & Tamara
Direct Answers - Column for the week of March 29, 2004
About The Author
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
Why am I here?If you haven't already asked this question,... Read More
There is one sure fire medicine that cures all difficulty... Read More
In pre-revolutionary Russia, a rabbi was walking to the synagogue.... Read More
To every life, there is a purpose; a purpose of... Read More
My eldest son phoned me the other night to let... Read More
The ocean liner Achille Lauro sailed perpetually under a dark... Read More
Direct Answers - Column for the week of November 11,... Read More
Quotable quotes are nothing more than flowery words... And anyone... Read More
How many times have you found yourself dreaming you were... Read More
Direct Answers - Column for the week of September 22,... Read More
Soaring 700 feet above the forest floor is a granite... Read More
As small children, we were all wild. Not unlike the... Read More
Maybe you've heard this one:"What does it profit a man... Read More
The Florida Iron Man involves swimming 2.4 miles, biking 112... Read More
Some people live in and talk about the past so... Read More
It is hard to capture the synchronicity of this next... Read More
To [many] work is not a gratifying opportunity to do... Read More
"Why go and reinvent the wheel?" It's a question that's... Read More
Everything is made of energy. Atoms, molecules, light, sound and... Read More
When it comes to meeting and conquering the negativity in... Read More
Direct Answers - Column for the week of March 17,... Read More
Riding a rush, being juiced, flying high-this is the feeling... Read More
If you walk up to a stranger in the grocery... Read More
You must absolutely have a vision, or a dream, for... Read More
[Channelled]'Interact,' is a common word that most of you are... Read More
What are you passionate about? We didn't ask if you... Read More
Direct Answers - Column for the week of April 28,... Read More
Green symbolises growth. Growth requires change and transformation. This article... Read More
Direct Answers - Column for the week of August 19,... Read More
You know kids, one of the things I've learned by... Read More
As a chef I have a unique perspective on anger.In... Read More
I. ExpositionIn the movie "Shattered" (1991), Dan Merrick survives an... Read More
What am I supposed to do with my life? Shouldn't... Read More
Jeremiah was certainly one of the most distinguished notables of... Read More
Get It OutWhen something is bothering you, whether be a... Read More
Six former wards came back to the California Youth Authority... Read More
Journaling is a powerful tool that can enhance our lives... Read More
Letters on Life#3Some experiences you never forget. In some of... Read More
Water is the source of life, yet so few of... Read More
We are drowning in it, our grey matter is swollen... Read More
The difficulty in finding love that is good for you... Read More
"There are fine things which you mean to do someday,... Read More
Hello Creative Entrepreneurs!The moral of that story is to follow... Read More
Experience has made a lot of folks to consider dreams... Read More
Growing up, I remember my Dad had some really good... Read More
Don't you just hate clichés like the one illustrated in... Read More
Generosity, which includes the free, no strings-attached sharing of resources,... Read More
Life teaches us in peculiar ways. It knocks us down.... Read More
In the pursuit of the life we dream of, this... Read More
"Happiness can be as elusive as a fluttering butterlfy but... Read More
Comments about New Theories in the Professions and Business!I recall... Read More
"We're on a one-game winning streak!" That's what freshman Dawan... Read More
Human mind which is well known as a fluctuating prodigy... Read More
Can we love our bodies? As the years go by,... Read More
Direct Answers - Column for the week of March 17,... Read More
What kind of bad habits do you struggle with? Most... Read More
Writing a book or creating a killer headline requires a... Read More
I hate saying that. It feels so very wrong. It's... Read More
Even immediately after my car accident, every single person who... Read More
Diana is a wonderful person with a great personality and... Read More
Waking up one day and realizing your world just isn't... Read More
"A loving person lives in a loving world. A hostile... Read More
Over my extended Thanksgiving weekend I took some time to... Read More
Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 17,... Read More
I decreed my 'twin' into my life in early 1990.... Read More
You must absolutely have a vision, or a dream, for... Read More
Inspirational |