I am currently perplexed by the concept of outgoing mail. I mean, I understand it in theory, but today I tried talking to it and it didn't even respond. What's so outgoing about that? I think it needs to be renamed "shy mail" or "introverted mail". And besides, the reason a lot of people send mail is because they are not outgoing people and would like to instead express themselves in written form. So a new name for this type of mail is only logical. I would suggest names like Ralph or Hector or Agnes, because people don't seem to send mail to people with names like those, and thus the name would be ironic...
I'm confused because I constantly hear females saying that they want an outgoing mail, but when I send them letters, they don't respond. But outgoing mail is not my only complaint in regards to the U.S. Postal Service. I also have a problem with stamps. This isn't because there is no stamp with my picture on it -- especially since I think that'd require me to be dead -- but also because many stamps are now stickers, and therefore aren't pushed forcibly, contrary to the definition of "stamp". Furthermore, and perhaps more importantly, I don't think "stamp" would be a good name for a fish. If you are reading this and you name your fish "stamp" and it dies tomorrow, you have no one to blame but yourself and that stupid name...
Other misnamed aspects of the U.S. Postal Service include the term "mailman," which is just stating the same thing twice. Then there is also the system of "priority mail," which to me is scary because what is that saying about all the other mail that is sent? Same goes for express mail. That's basically like saying, "Well, we could technically send everything faster, but then we wouldn't be making money, would we?"
I am not positive about this, but I think express mail involves very quick flamingoes. One flamingo passes the mail to another, and then that flamingo throws it around a little for fun, before passing it on to a third flamingo, who obviously then gives it to the addressee. But I am not positive about the second flamingo; I'm just sure about the first and third. Nevertheless, I have thought of far too many flaws involving the postal system. If any member of the U.S. Postal Service, particularly a flamingo, would like to follow up with my complaints, please go ahead and e-mail me at comments@progressiverevelations.com. I thought about having people send comments about the mail through the mail system, but that just doesn't work. It's like running around with a burger at a fast food restaurant...
Yes, exactly like that...
But I digress.
Greg Gagliardi is a teacher and writer. His stream-of-consciousness weekly humor column, "Progressive Revelations," has been ongoing since 1998. (http://www.ProgressiveRevelations.com)
Despite my diplomas that allowed me to teach in state... Read More
"Pee-ew! You smell like a skunk soaking in sardine nectar... Read More
I went to the eye doctor the other day. I... Read More
If you are a citizen of UK or Australia, you... Read More
Maggie, the 22 year-old African elephant, has been a resident... Read More
Looking for a lighthearted and fun way to remove the... Read More
Evidence of after-hours activity turned up at a Big Boy... Read More
I cracked open the fortune cookie and read the little... Read More
I am currently perplexed by the concept of outgoing mail.... Read More
Jimmy Jenkins Jr. is not an adventurer, traveler, or pioneer.... Read More
Whoever dubbed New York, New York "the city that never... Read More
If you ever saw Aristophanes live on stage, you must... Read More
Joseph Yakel was born and raised in New York's Capital... Read More
Movie moments are nice things to share with the people... Read More
... Read More
I will start this by saying that yes, I did... Read More
IF, An Online Internet Marketing PoemIf before you have turned... Read More
One of the best parts of a vacation is the... Read More
Space exploration came a long way since I was the... Read More
We... Read More
We all want attention. As children we crave the attention... Read More
Saturday morning. I went, in the early morning, to the... Read More
Have you ever heard the name Will Schwenk? Or the... Read More
I have heard the rumblings of many of you in... Read More
Hey, Poor Rix: What do you think about school food?... Read More
Several years ago, I switched health insurance companies and my... Read More
My next-door neighbors found a human bone in their backyard.... Read More
I often wonder why I wake up so happy, ready... Read More
Over visiting a neighbor the other day?"Would you like a... Read More
A couple of days ago I had to go to... Read More
Ace of Base hasn't seen the sign for quite some... Read More
As the cloning debate of humankind continues we find ourselves... Read More
Watching the fans at a minor-league baseball game is just... Read More
The Army Corp of engineers is having a tough time... Read More
Viagra. That one word packs a lot of punch. Let's... Read More
Tired of the same ol', same ol' when it come... Read More
Put Active RFID Satellite Tags in SpongeBobsSpongeBob has been in... Read More
A couple of days ago I had to go to... Read More
This past week as Mr. Man and I lounged around... Read More
Humans think much like monkeys and other primates, not much... Read More
I... Read More
A welding helmet is a safety device worn for protection... Read More
He huffed and he puffed and he blew the house... Read More
It's time for me to announce that I have a... Read More
I went to the eye doctor the other day. I... Read More
We all know the Internet is a great tool for... Read More
Lactose Intolerant Individuals may prove a bonus in Space Missions.... Read More
Lately I've had the problem of falling asleep with my... Read More
Joseph Yakel was born and raised in New York's Capital... Read More
Have you ever heard the name Will Schwenk? Or the... Read More
Have you ever heard that saying, "The show must go... Read More
My dad's lab was a mess, but then it was... Read More
If you are a citizen of UK or Australia, you... Read More
I've never really thought of myself as being funny. I... Read More
This article was prompted by something I heard (second hand)... Read More
Movie moments are nice things to share with the people... Read More
Every day, or at least every other day, we make... Read More
Imagine my surprise when I went to Jamaica a few... Read More
Take time to laugh at yourself and the ridiculous in... Read More
Saturday morning. I went, in the early morning, to the... Read More
I have recently become frustrated with something at doughnut establishments,... Read More
We all want attention. As children we crave the attention... Read More
One of the best parts of a vacation is the... Read More
Today while driving I saw a young girl, probably around... Read More
Are we starting to see the Housing Bubble Burst in... Read More
Ace of Base hasn't seen the sign for quite some... Read More
Humor & Entertainment |