Ace of Base hasn't seen the sign for quite some time now, but that doesn't stop the rest of us from doing so. In fact, on a regular basis, I see a lot of signs - and I don't like most of them. With that in mind, I thought I'd take this week's column to reveal a few examples:
Caution: Children at Play: Why are we supposed to be cautioned of this - in case they need a steady quarterback? Or, am I interpreting this wrong entirely, and it turns out that all the children are at the theater, and this is some sort of propaganda to tell adults to go too? Either way, I think there needs to be some fine print underneath the warning, preferably written in crayon...
Slow: Children at Play: For those who are unable to see colons, this sign poses an even bigger problem than the one above. If these kids are so slow, maybe they should be running laps instead of playing. That way their speed will no longer warrant the production of signs...
Warning: Neighborhood Watch: What exactly is the neighborhood watching? Rather than discouraging crime, this sign encourages people to perform acts in the middle of the street, with the knowledge that there will always be an audience...
No Parking Here to Corner: I'm tired of being told where I can't park. Instead, tell me where I can. Because of these signs, I now feel that I can park on a rooftop or in a treehouse, simply because there are no signs there...
Falling Rock: I thought VH-1 was supposed to be our source for this...
No Right Turn: If every turn is a wrong one, this makes driving virtually impossible. Society needs to be more positive, and - as all great historians have never said - that begins with sign making...
Anything with the words "when children are present" underneath: This pretty much translates into "Ignore the above statement."
Any picture of an animal: This typically means that the animal may be crossing the road, but this ruins the continuity of signs. If there is going to be a picture of a duck crossing, for example, then why not a picture of someone stopping or yielding? And besides, ducks crossing the road aren't funny anymore? unless they are stapled to the chicken, in which case - wow, talk about a laugh riot...
But I digress.
Greg Gagliardi is a teacher and writer. His stream-of-consciousness weekly humor column, "Progressive Revelations," has been ongoing since 1998. (http://www.ProgressiveRevelations.com)
Today, Norm Goldman, Editor of Sketchandtravel & Bookpleasures is delighted... Read More
Tired of the same ol', same ol' when it come... Read More
Have you ever heard that saying, "The show must go... Read More
Well, I hope you did not read that headline wrong,... Read More
Let me start by saying that 'I am an American'... Read More
I've never really thought of myself as being funny. I... Read More
The Army Corp of engineers is having a tough time... Read More
When we decided to move to Mexico, one of the... Read More
We all want attention. As children we crave the attention... Read More
If you are a citizen of UK or Australia, you... Read More
I will start this by saying that yes, I did... Read More
I am currently perplexed by the concept of outgoing mail.... Read More
As the cloning debate of humankind continues we find ourselves... Read More
Space exploration came a long way since I was the... Read More
Lawyer JokesQ: How does a pregnant woman know she is... Read More
This article was prompted by something I heard (second hand)... Read More
I like to bark. I mean, I like to bark... Read More
I have recently become frustrated with something at doughnut establishments,... Read More
For me, the piano is the symbol of what is... Read More
Several years ago, I switched health insurance companies and my... Read More
Viagra. That one word packs a lot of punch. Let's... Read More
I often wonder why I wake up so happy, ready... Read More
How To Marry A Wealthy Guy(or Girl... Or at least... Read More
NOTE: This article was originally published in May 2000 at... Read More
Dear Poor Rix: A guy just invited me to a... Read More
It's time for me to announce that I have a... Read More
We... Read More
He huffed and he puffed and he blew the house... Read More
If you ever saw Aristophanes live on stage, you must... Read More
You know the type -- that doodling type. Every time... Read More
Are we starting to see the Housing Bubble Burst in... Read More
One of the best parts of a vacation is the... Read More
I have heard the rumblings of many of you in... Read More
A couple of days ago I had to go to... Read More
NOTE: This article was originally published in May 2000 at... Read More
My dad's lab was a mess, but then it was... Read More
Imagine my surprise when I went to Jamaica a few... Read More
I often wonder why I wake up so happy, ready... Read More
Have you ever heard the name Will Schwenk? Or the... Read More
Last week, I reported how writers, stay-at-home parents and online... Read More
I like to bark. I mean, I like to bark... Read More
Today while driving I saw a young girl, probably around... Read More
We all know the Internet is a great tool for... Read More
This morning I decided to find myself. I originally looked... Read More
Several years ago, I switched health insurance companies and my... Read More
Over visiting a neighbor the other day?"Would you like a... Read More
I have heard the rumblings of many of you in... Read More
Viagra. That one word packs a lot of punch. Let's... Read More
Saturday morning. I went, in the early morning, to the... Read More
Hey, Poor Rix: What do you think about school food?... Read More
Well, I hope you did not read that headline wrong,... Read More
Looking for a lighthearted and fun way to remove the... Read More
Lately I've had the problem of falling asleep with my... Read More
If you are a citizen of UK or Australia, you... Read More
Here, for your barfing pleasure, are the top ten worst... Read More
He huffed and he puffed and he blew the house... Read More
Don't you just love getting a little something extra? Sure... Read More
This column is long overdue. To put it in library... Read More
In Southern Germany in a town by the name of... Read More
Every day, or at least every other day, we make... Read More
We... Read More
Are we starting to see the Housing Bubble Burst in... Read More
How To Marry A Wealthy Guy(or Girl... Or at least... Read More
Have you ever noticed how family members always misbehave at... Read More
I have recently become frustrated with something at doughnut establishments,... Read More
Watching the fans at a minor-league baseball game is just... Read More
Humor & Entertainment |