Jimmy Jenkins Jr. is not an adventurer, traveler, or pioneer. Far from it, Jimmy has had the same job, in the same office for 15 years. He's got about 2 years of holiday time built up because he never, and I mean never, goes anywhere, not even to the Coast for a day in the sun. He works very hard, is an amicable fellow, but is single, 39 years old, and boring. Boring is this guy's middle name. I don't think he has any hobbies and he never has anything interesting to say, just small talk, and the obligatory work speeches. I wanted to crack this man's shell of monotony and blandness, but how?
You see I'm the complete opposite to Jimmy, his antithesis, and yin to his yang, black to his white. I live for excitement. I live to travel. Beaches, festivals, treks, foreign food, culture, nature, historic sites, and shopping in unfamiliar lands are what make my blood run, my spirit fly, and my heart beat faster than the speed of light. I just had to wake up this man from his static, stagnant existence. I mean there could be nothing unknown about this guy; everything was right in your face, out in the open.
Well, before I began my "Crack Jimmy's shell challenge", I had more important things to do, like get the hell out of there. The famous La Tomatino Festival in Spain was about to happen and I had rigorously organized my trip on the Internet. It's truly amazing the amount of information and help you can get from all the traveling web sites. I like to be organized and prepared for all eventualities that might happen. My air tickets and hotel were booked in advance, and I got all the 'juice' on visas, currency, and transportation (train from Valencia to Bunol-$3.00!) from the Net. I've printed off maps of the city and town, got lists of all the famous attractions, nightspots, and the best restaurants for that authentic paella experience.
So anyway, the weekly festivals were in full motion and I was having the time of my life. A feeling of impending excitement was pervading the air as everyone was getting ready for the culmination of the festival- the biggest food fight in the world. 125 tonnes of tomatoes to be turned into human ketchup in just two hours! No one knows exactly why the tradition began back in the 1950's, but it has become a bit of a religious occasion for those who worship the Temple of the Great Tomato, nah, it's actually Christian. Doesn't matter much to me, I just wanted to be part of the chaos-I even wore a white suit. People say this is a metaphorical attempt at suicide, but I'm always up for a challenge!
Here we go! The battle began. The air turned red, people going berserk at the height of excitement. It seems the white suit wasn't the best idea. I got hammered. Total pulverization. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me as the tomato integrated itself into my soul. I lay on the ground, people running all around me yelling and screaming in Spanish. I looked up through the ketchup dripping thickly off of my eyelids. That's when my mind was totally blown away into oblivion, never to be the same again. Standing in front of me smiling, throwing handfuls of squished tomatoes was none other than Jimmy Jenkins Jr. He bent over, looked me straight in the eye and said,
"Richard Woodward, fancy meeting you here."
I stuttered in astonishment, but no comprehensible words came out. Either the shock or the tomatoes in my mouth were creating the problem. Jimmy spoke again, his smile as wide as a tomato-mad maniac,
" Let me let you in on a bit of secret Richard. I know you won't give me away. You see buddy, I've got an identical brother. We make it look like we're always working for the company, always on time, always there. But in reality we're sharing one man's life and when the other man is at work, the other is traveling the world having huge vacations and partying like mad. It really is hard when it's my turn to go to the office and act so incredibly boring and predictable. Pretty cool eh?"
He then lifted a giant (what looked like a genetically altered) tomato and screaming a tribal yell, smashed it into my face. He then laughed and ran into the tomato-red sunset leaving me 'bloody' and bewildered.
About The Author
Jesse S. Somer
Jesse S. Somer is a space-traveling human hoping to show his fellow Earth-dwellers the hidden opportunities found in the Internet.
Have you ever heard that saying, "The show must go... Read More
If you ever saw Aristophanes live on stage, you must... Read More
If you are a citizen of UK or Australia, you... Read More
Movie moments are nice things to share with the people... Read More
Do you believe in the power of your convictions?It's time... Read More
Maggie, the 22 year-old African elephant, has been a resident... Read More
NOTE: This article was originally published in May 2000 at... Read More
When we decided to move to Mexico, one of the... Read More
Every day, or at least every other day, we make... Read More
As the cloning debate of humankind continues we find ourselves... Read More
It was late in 1775, and King George III was... Read More
We all want attention. As children we crave the attention... Read More
A welding helmet is a safety device worn for protection... Read More
Dear Poor Rix: A guy just invited me to a... Read More
Here, for your barfing pleasure, are the top ten worst... Read More
Let me start by saying that 'I am an American'... Read More
Don't you just love getting a little something extra? Sure... Read More
I have heard the rumblings of many of you in... Read More
Have you ever noticed how family members always misbehave at... Read More
To: Maybelle Misfire From: I. M.. Power, VP Welcome aboard!... Read More
One of the great benefits of belonging to a health... Read More
This morning I decided to find myself. I originally looked... Read More
My next-door neighbors found a human bone in their backyard.... Read More
I won't lie: there are a lot of things I... Read More
Evidence of after-hours activity turned up at a Big Boy... Read More
Last week, I reported how writers, stay-at-home parents and online... Read More
Saturday morning. I went, in the early morning, to the... Read More
In Southern Germany in a town by the name of... Read More
Despite my diplomas that allowed me to teach in state... Read More
Today, Norm Goldman, Editor of Sketchandtravel & Bookpleasures is delighted... Read More
Voltaire said, "God is a comedian playing to an... Read More
This past week as Mr. Man and I lounged around... Read More
"Education is worth a whole lot. Just think - with... Read More
"Education is worth a whole lot. Just think - with... Read More
Jimmy Jenkins Jr. is not an adventurer, traveler, or pioneer.... Read More
Lactose Intolerant Individuals may prove a bonus in Space Missions.... Read More
Banish Loans ForeverIf ordinary, hard-working, people ran the bank... the... Read More
As the cloning debate of humankind continues we find ourselves... Read More
Lately I've had the problem of falling asleep with my... Read More
Put Active RFID Satellite Tags in SpongeBobsSpongeBob has been in... Read More
Evidence of after-hours activity turned up at a Big Boy... Read More
A is for Anti-Virus: she got it from my Uncle.B... Read More
We... Read More
Tired of the same ol', same ol' when it come... Read More
Watching the fans at a minor-league baseball game is just... Read More
The Army Corp of engineers is having a tough time... Read More
Saturday morning. I went, in the early morning, to the... Read More
I... Read More
Last week, I reported how writers, stay-at-home parents and online... Read More
Are we starting to see the Housing Bubble Burst in... Read More
You know the type -- that doodling type. Every time... Read More
NOTE: This article was originally published in May 2000 at... Read More
Well, I hope you did not read that headline wrong,... Read More
A couple of days ago I had to go to... Read More
... Read More
Lawyer JokesQ: How does a pregnant woman know she is... Read More
We all want attention. As children we crave the attention... Read More
While many restaurant workers worry and sweat in anticipation of... Read More
IF, An Online Internet Marketing PoemIf before you have turned... Read More
Imagine my surprise when I went to Jamaica a few... Read More
Here, for your barfing pleasure, are the top ten worst... Read More
Maggie, the 22 year-old African elephant, has been a resident... Read More
This morning I decided to find myself. I originally looked... Read More
Dear Poor Rix: A guy just invited me to a... Read More
We all know the Internet is a great tool for... Read More
I've never really thought of myself as being funny. I... Read More
Humor & Entertainment |