Lawyer Jokes
Q: How does a pregnant woman know she is carrying a future lawyer?
A: She has an extreme craving for baloney.
Q: What is the legal definition of "Appeal"?
A: Something a person slips on in a grocery store.
Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
A: To practice.
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 12?
A: Your Honor.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
A: The lawyer charges more.
Q: What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?
A: The caterer.
Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one.
Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
A: An offer you can't understand.
Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
A: Senator
Q: Did you hear they just released a new Barbie doll called "Divorced Barbie"?
A: It comes with half of Ken's things and alimony.
Q: What's the difference between an attorney and a pit bull?
A: Jewelry.
Q: What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A: Watching your attorney drive over a cliff in your new Ferrari.
Q: What's the difference between lawyers and accountants?
A: At least accountants know they're boring.
Stories:
1. A man who had been caught embezzling millions went to a lawyer. His lawyer told him, "Don't worry. You'll never go to jail with all that money? In fact, when the man was sent to prison, he didn't have a dime.
2. As the lawyer awoke from surgery, he asked, "Why are all the blinds drawn?" The nurse answered, "There's a fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think you had died."
3. God decided to take the devil to court and settle their differences once and for all. Satan heard this, laughed and said, "And where do you think you're going to find a lawyer?"
4. A lawyer is sitting at the desk in his new office. He hears someone coming to the door. To impress his first potential client, he picks up the phone as the door opens and says, "I demand one million and not a penny less." As he hangs up, the man now standing in his office says, "I'm here to hook up your phone."
And finally:
You Might Be A Lawyer If.... You are charging someone to read these jokes.
Richard Chapo is a San Diego business lawyer with http://www.sandiegobusinesslawfirm.com and is rumored to have a sense of humor. Then again, you never know with rumors.
A couple of days ago I had to go to... Read More
Jimmy Jenkins Jr. is not an adventurer, traveler, or pioneer.... Read More
I cracked open the fortune cookie and read the little... Read More
Lawyer JokesQ: How does a pregnant woman know she is... Read More
Are we starting to see the Housing Bubble Burst in... Read More
While many restaurant workers worry and sweat in anticipation of... Read More
If you ever saw Aristophanes live on stage, you must... Read More
We... Read More
Last week, I reported how writers, stay-at-home parents and online... Read More
"Pee-ew! You smell like a skunk soaking in sardine nectar... Read More
I was given a list of Do's and Don'ts of... Read More
A welding helmet is a safety device worn for protection... Read More
My next-door neighbors found a human bone in their backyard.... Read More
Have you ever heard the name Will Schwenk? Or the... Read More
As the cloning debate of humankind continues we find ourselves... Read More
My dad's lab was a mess, but then it was... Read More
A few weeks ago I went to see a psychiatrist.We... Read More
This article was prompted by something I heard (second hand)... Read More
I love animals but cats are my favorites. There's just... Read More
I am currently perplexed by the concept of outgoing mail.... Read More
It was late in 1775, and King George III was... Read More
Don't you just love getting a little something extra? Sure... Read More
This column is long overdue. To put it in library... Read More
I have heard the rumblings of many of you in... Read More
Every day, or at least every other day, we make... Read More
Well, I hope you did not read that headline wrong,... Read More
... Read More
IF, An Online Internet Marketing PoemIf before you have turned... Read More
Let me start by saying that 'I am an American'... Read More
Maggie, the 22 year-old African elephant, has been a resident... Read More
For me, the piano is the symbol of what is... Read More
I often wonder why I wake up so happy, ready... Read More
"Education is worth a whole lot. Just think - with... Read More
Put Active RFID Satellite Tags in SpongeBobsSpongeBob has been in... Read More
I went to the eye doctor the other day. I... Read More
A is for Anti-Virus: she got it from my Uncle.B... Read More
Today while driving I saw a young girl, probably around... Read More
Space exploration came a long way since I was the... Read More
My dad's lab was a mess, but then it was... Read More
Are we starting to see the Housing Bubble Burst in... Read More
Lawyer JokesQ: How does a pregnant woman know she is... Read More
Do you believe in the power of your convictions?It's time... Read More
I often wonder why I wake up so happy, ready... Read More
Voltaire said, "God is a comedian playing to an... Read More
Humans think much like monkeys and other primates, not much... Read More
He huffed and he puffed and he blew the house... Read More
A welding helmet is a safety device worn for protection... Read More
I will start this by saying that yes, I did... Read More
This morning I decided to find myself. I originally looked... Read More
Thanks to teen movies, many people have this stereotypical idea... Read More
This past week as Mr. Man and I lounged around... Read More
I have recently become frustrated with something at doughnut establishments,... Read More
We... Read More
Viagra. That one word packs a lot of punch. Let's... Read More
Last week, I reported how writers, stay-at-home parents and online... Read More
While many restaurant workers worry and sweat in anticipation of... Read More
There are many ways to be original these days. But... Read More
Dear Poor Rix: A guy just invited me to a... Read More
In Southern Germany in a town by the name of... Read More
Take time to laugh at yourself and the ridiculous in... Read More
I have heard the rumblings of many of you in... Read More
Here, for your barfing pleasure, are the top ten worst... Read More
Let me start by saying that 'I am an American'... Read More
Lactose Intolerant Individuals may prove a bonus in Space Missions.... Read More
As the cloning debate of humankind continues we find ourselves... Read More
We all know the Internet is a great tool for... Read More
Humor & Entertainment |