Make Your Life Easier?

'Have you read the Art of War?' someone asked me once. Fighting someone to get your way is definitely a valid strategy. But you don't need me to tell you about that one - we've all been arguing and manipulating to get our own way since we were born! And you may have noticed - often when you push, the other person pushes back! Wars have been fought, relationships lost, and many ulcers create with this kind of energy.

This article is about the opposite approach - the art of fun surrender!

Now many people who know me know I'm not usually the first person to use this approach! In fact I can often be a real control-freak. However, I've been noticing quite often lately how much fun it can be to surrender - and often you don't lose a thing!!! So, call this 'observations from a novice'...

Surrender 1.

I was getting very frustrated with pedestrians in Byron Bay. They cross the street anywhere they like, often without warning - it's like they think the whole of Byron is a mall! So there's been a power play evolving: they walk across the street in the face of my oncoming car, and sometimes I swear they even ~slow down~ to show me they have the right! So I drive right up to them - to make the point that I've got right of way, and they should at least ~look~ if they are going to stroll across the road.

This week I decided to try something new: I decided that pedestrians have the right of way in Byron. That these are their roads, and they get to do what they want with them. In fact, I decided I'm lucky to be able to drive around Byron at all! So how different do you think my experience was yesterday in the car? I drove much slower, I watched for people everywhere. I even slowed down and waved people across when I could see they were thinking of darting across the road. Much more fun!

Surrender 2.

My partner Bronwyn cleans the kitty litter. I was ~stunned~ when she looked like she was about to throw the cat poo over the balcony onto our lawn! When I said 'What are you doing!!??', she replied that it smelled, she wanted to get rid of it in a hurry, and since it was raining we'd never notice it there and it would eventually disappear into the soil.

Well - I gotta tell you - the part of me that tries to keep everything together - to keep things ordered and tidy - went nuts! I was furious at the idea of cat poo littered all over our beautiful lawn. Having spent years practicing boundaries in my own life and helping my clients do the same, I started with what I knew - albeit with a little charge attached: 'NO! That doesn't work for me. You can't throw cat poo over the balcony'

Fortunately, within seconds I realised how dominating and controlling this was. I was scared and reacting. And in that moment it came to me:

'You know what? It's perfectly OK if you throw it over the side. But, I want you to know that I would really dislike it, and every morning I would go down and clean it off the lawn - which would make unpleasant work for me. But if you still want to do it, I'm OK with it'. And believe it or not - I meant it! Of course I couldn't imagine why anyone would continue to do it knowing it would create work like that for their partner - but the point was I was willing to handle it if that's what she decided. I ~surrendered~ instead of controlling the situation. And you know what? She hasn't done it since.

Surrender 3.

This is my favourite - names changed to protect the guilty!One of my good friends - George - was complaining to me about his roommate. 'I've tried everything to get her to clean. I've created lists of jobs, we've created cleaning schedules, and I've tried cleaning more as an example. Nothing is working, and it's driving me nuts!'. Clearly he was trying to control the situation - sound familiar? But the more he tried to get her to clean, the more excuses she came up with - and this guy is a powerful coach!

When I asked him why he didn't just move out, he replied: 'But I love her to death. And other than this, I love living with her'. So together we created a completely ~opposite~ approach. The art of fun surrender. And here's what he went back to his roommate with:

'Jill, I love living with you. And I love you. I've been so hung up on this cleaning issue I've lost sight of that. I want you to know that if you never clean another thing I this house I'll be fine with that - in fact I'll handle it. I'm just glad you're my roommate'.

Again - the key is he meant it. He realised that doing all the cleaning wasn't that big a deal for him, and he'd much rather have her in his life than 'get his way' over the cleaning. All he had to do was give up his position - to give up being 'right' about it. And the result? Hes still got an awesome friend in his life, not to mention peace!

OK - enough examples. Let's take a look at your neck of the woods:

Exercise:

Apply This to YOUR Life' If you would like to completely eliminate a problem from your life - something that's been draining you, then try these three simple steps:

1) Notice where you are 'pushing' Are you arguing your point? Have you tried everything and the person still won't change? Do they not seem to be listening, or just ignore you? Are you desperately trying to get to sleep (fighting yourself)? Have you complained about it more than twice in one week? More than ten times this year?

2) Ask yourself: 'What if they did that forever, and I was OK with it? If I embraced it?'

3) Choose an action ~you~ can do that would handle it, instead of them having to handle it. Before you may have argued, got upset or stressed out. But now - what could you do that would just handle/accept the issue? To take responsibility for it? Not because you have to, but because it's more fun and will create more peace in your life?

This week, make your life and someone else's life easier. Who's the lucky person?

David Wood is a personal and business coach, and an original founder of the International Coach Academy - a global coach training school.

Looking to become a life coach? Get your free copy of '50 Power Questions' to use with your life coaching clients, and to take charge of your own life. Download here: http://www.solutionbox.com/freedownload.htm

And find out how these ordinary life coaches are making $30,000 to $1.4 million per year! Finally they share their secrets: http://www.10SuperCoaches.com

---

Are You Addicted to Anger?

Michael was raised in a home where anger was used... Read More

Going On a Mental Diet

Diets are always in style. Every time you turn around,... Read More

Controlling Behavior, Loving Behavior

When Zack and Tiffany started counseling with me, they were... Read More

Beware of Psychic Vampires

I am often asked how I stay happy and motivated... Read More

Addiction to Worry

Carole started counseling with me because she was depressed. She... Read More

Attention! Thought Crossing! ? Or, The Secret of What?s Between Your Ears

What are you thinking - right now? 'I'm reading your... Read More

Surviving the Workday in Your Organization

Most people suffer from stress at some time during the... Read More

New Definition of Retirement

A new definition of retirement is evolving. It's one that's... Read More

The Difference Between Approval and Appreciation

Having worked with individuals, couples, families and business partners for... Read More

4 Brilliant Tips to Speed Read Faster than Ever

Many people, particularly students, would love to be able to... Read More

A Small Piece Of Carpet

Have you ever noticed how the way you feel about... Read More

How to Save Yourself from Negative Influences

Watching the news can be hazardous to your health.It's a... Read More

Personal Life Coaching And How It Can Help You

Coaching is an effective process used to support individuals in... Read More

Parts that Make the Whole? or Not

There are many parts that make up you.There's the Musical... Read More

A Simple Strategy for Managing ADD

As an ADD Coach, I usually begin my conversations with... Read More

Among the Purpose & Personality

I have one magical thought, lets see it more closely.... Read More

Live Healthy - Six Steps To A Healthy Life

Six steps we can take to reduce our risks for... Read More

Every Obstacle Always Presents an Opportunity

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on... Read More

5 Keys to Powerful Communication

As a coach that specializes in marriage, couples and family... Read More

Coaching Skills for Peers: Extending Influence

Many people think of coaching solely as a management technique.... Read More

Ch-Ch-Chain of Hearts: Cranking Up Compassion

Can you hear your compassion? It's time to crank it... Read More

What is the Success Lesson in this Story?

One of my clients gave me permission to tell you... Read More

Coaching: The Art of Putting Yourself In Somone Elses Shoes

COACHING STEPS: The following are five (5) steps a coach... Read More

Eureka! I?ve Found It!

OK, so it wasn't quite that big of a deal.... Read More

A Live It

Real change happens only when it becomes part of our... Read More

How to Quickly and Easily Deal With Rude People

Where I live there seems to be a a growing... Read More

Coaching Prime Time

An awful lot of fantastic coaching has been coming out... Read More

What Is A Personal Trainer

Imagine stepping into the gym for the first time in... Read More

The Power of Visualization

Professional athletes and other highly successful people use the power... Read More

Are YOU a Dreamer?

This morning I watched a news article about a young... Read More

Run to Win

I was never much of an athlete growing up. Notoriously... Read More

Tripping On Mindfulness

One of the ironies of mindfulness is that it's still... Read More

How to Jump-start Your Emotional Health

You've probably heard the expression: "It's not what you're eating.... Read More