Floating In Mindfulness: Dealing With Disappointment

Feeling disappointed? It's time to float.

The time-honored approach to disappointment generally involves a fair amount of wallowing followed by a concerted effort to move on. Okay, this can work. But a more mindful approach includes an interim phase between these two. It's a unique opportunity to "float".

When things don't go our way--whether we're talking about election results, a job interview, a proposal at work, or a relationship--we naturally feel disappointed. We had hoped for the best, even expected the best (hey, we know about human motivation techniques, after all) and this apparent failure hits us pretty hard.

So, the first step is to feel the emotion. Go ahead. Mad? Frustrated? Depressed? It's okay to allow yourself to feel it. You can commiserate with others or wallow alone--it's your choice.

Now, here comes the mindfulness part:

Take one giant step back. Step away from the swirl of thoughts and emotions and simply look at it in a sort of interested bystander way. It's as though you have a clipboard and you're taking note of your response.

1) Scan your body. How does disappointment feel physically? Is it affecting your digestion, your sleep, your movement?

Scan your body for pain and tightness. Notice how your forehead feels, your cheeks, your jaw, your neck, your shoulders. Take a look at your face in a mirror. What does disappointment look like?

Continue to pass over your body mentally, noticing any pain, discomfort, tingling or tightness. Be sure to check your own personal trouble spots, whether that's your lower back, your knees, or your belly.

We tend to develop habitual physical responses to strong emotions. Make sure you are familiar with yours. Paying attention during mindful moments like this is your best defense against disease. Our hot spots can teach us a great deal, but during times of stress, we tend to focus on our thoughts instead of our bodies. Don't miss this opportunity to learn more about yours.

2) Scan your mind. Watch your thoughts go by as though you are watching a parade. No need to jump on any float as it passes. You're not the rodeo queen on a prancing horse, or the festival princess waving to the crowd. You're a spectator. Watch.

3) Separate. Whenever we are disappointed, our past disappointments bubble to the surface. Things get stirred up, and our accompanying emotion often has more to do with the cumulative effect of our lifelong disappointments than this particular one. We tend to catastrophize and lump it all together into one big fat Disappointment Package.

Don't let that happen. Look at this one incident as totally separate from the others. Each float stands alone.

4) Float. I call this the "Float between Floats" approach. Now that you are watching this parade of floats without climbing aboard any of them, turn your attention to that brief moment between them. Sure, you know another one is coming. It's not quite in front of you yet. There is nothing you can do but wait. No sense spending your time or energy setting expectations that it will be spectacular. No point in worrying that it will be disastrous. Hold that space and float in it.

Settle into mindful watching--of your body, your mind, and the world around you. It is an opportunity to go beyond wound licking. Watch as your thoughts change from "Why?" to "What can I do next?" We often jump into action--retaliatory, self-protective or simply distracting--without gleaning our most important lessons from disappointment.

The ability to "Float between Floats" will provide clarity and comfort. Use this time to develop your awareness. It will help you recognize the power of mindfulness and the endless stream of floats that pass by.

All things considered, it's one heckuva parade.

About The Author

Maya Talisman Frost is a mind masseuse offering specialized mindfulness training in Portland, Oregon. Her work has inspired thinkers in over 100 countries. To subscribe to her free weekly ezine, the Friday Mind Massage, please visit http://www.mindmasseuse.com

maya@mindmasseuse.com

---

How to Get More Business Without Even Trying

Why are you in business? Hopefully you enjoy what you... Read More

How Does Sports Coaching Differ from Corporate Coaching?

Athletes Versus EmployeesMost athletes are young, open to improvement, eager... Read More

Your Responsibility

The other day I decided to skip cooking dinner and... Read More

Assertive Communication: 20 Helpful Tips

Most of us know that assertiveness will get you further... Read More

Why Things Are The Way They Are

Things are the way you think they are, because you... Read More

The Magic of Hearing

I'm working on a coach training certification, and one of... Read More

Embracing Excellence

Joey rises before dawn to pack his lunch, eager for... Read More

Reduce Anxiety About Decison Making

What's the alternative to making decisions?Allowing someone else, or circumstances,... Read More

A Visualization Exercise on Managing Expectations for Adults with ADD

As adults with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), we often find... Read More

Key Questions for a Coaching Conversation

There are 2 key skills that coaches need to be... Read More

Curse of Competence: How Being Good gets in the way of Becoming Great

Just before the storms hit last winter, my father-in-law and... Read More

What You See is What You Get

H. Jackson Brown Jr. once wrote, Your mind can only... Read More

Theres Always Enough Time!

I thought I'd begin this article by stimulating your mind... Read More

Be A Champion Communicator by Becoming a Chameleon

Recently, I worked with a client who was having a... Read More

Can I Be My Own ADD Coach?

Quite often I am in contact with people who discuss... Read More

Tips for Writing Great Coaching E-Books

Never understimate the power of a well-written word. Tens of... Read More

Growing On G.R.O.W ? A More Specific Coaching Model For Busy Managers

The effective coaching of employees by their line managers is... Read More

Creating Supportive Environments

I'm writing this on my laptop in a Cosi café... Read More

Your Personal Treasure Chest

Sometimes it is helpful to review several of the basic... Read More

Getting What You Need: Ask For Help!

"Fortune befriends the bold." - John DrydenI regularly work with... Read More

Sometimes, It Just Takes ONE Conversation to Change Your Life!

I was thinking this morning about the importance of the... Read More

Nourishing Your Network

It takes less effort to keep an existing customer than... Read More

Who Are You Mixing It With?

I talk and write a lot about Life Design ?... Read More

Nothing is left to Chance

You are going to meet a very important client for... Read More

Im Gonna Die MY Way

My wife says I have the strangest taste in movies.... Read More

Take Responsibility for Reshaping Your Life

We say we want to eat better, feel better, and... Read More

Mindfulness and Multiple Intelligences: 8 Ways to Pay Attention

How are you smart?Let me count the ways.Harvard professor Howard... Read More

What The Buddha Says About Coaches

There is a Buddhist saying that goes like this: "If... Read More

Coaching Skills

IntroductionThe question for leaders in organizations today is how do... Read More

A Call To Do Better

I'm calling you out. Issuing a Challenge. Relax, It's not... Read More

The Top 10 BEST Things About Having a Coach

Obviously, there are many wonderful things about having a personal... Read More

The American Dream ? Are We Really Free?

The promises of THE AMERICAN DREAM (to have it all... Read More

Invest Your Inner Wealth

It started out like any other Wednesday - reports to... Read More