Did you hire a "life coach" to help you sort out your complicated existence? The coach is a growing occupational choice for folks who feel the call to lead others who may feel overwhelmed or wish for personal fulfillment but don't know where to begin.
As someone who belongs to entrepreneur networks, I've come across quite a few life coaches. Some seem like truly wonderful people... but others... hmmm, well I'm not so sure.
Before I raise the five warning flags, let's talk about two short but very important words: Your Life. It's YOURS and nobody else's. So although you may feel confused for the time being and have summoned the services of a coach, it's still YOUR LIFE and you have the right to live it any way you see fit.
A good and benevolent life coach will respect the fact that your life belongs to you. She will guide and support, she will uncover options you may not have seen before, and she will unleash your potential and help you feel confident... but she will NOT dictate how to live YOUR LIFE, nor will she mold you into thinking a certain way.
That said, it's incredibly important to choose your life coach carefully. If you find one who is loving and inspirational, kind and supportive, who lets you find your own way and doesn't speak to you as though you're beneath her... hang onto her for as long as you have to because you struck gold. On the other hand, if your life coach makes you feel uncomfortable in any way, do not hesitate to discontinue your work together. Remember that this is YOUR LIFE.
Here are 5 examples of things your coach might say to manipulate you.
SCENARIO ONE
Coach: This seminar I attended was a life-changing experience! Why don't you sign up? It's only $300.
You: Thanks for the offer, but I'm trying to save my money right now.
Coach: It's funny how we always find money for the things we want to do. The truth is, it's probably not the money that's holding you back from doing this, it's your negative mindset.
[It's not your coach's business what you do with your money, even if she is your "coach." If she continues to push you into making purchases you're not comfortable with, politely tell her that you're no longer interested in using her services.]
SCENARIO TWO
Coach: We must erase all negative statements and focus on the positive. Now, let me point out where you made a mistake...
[If your coach were truly a positive individual, she would NEVER utter the words 'you made a mistake.' This is a mind control tactic, and an attempt to make you feel 'in the wrong' when actually you have done nothing wrong. If your coach EVER says things like this to you, thank her for her kind advice and then cancel her services.]
SCENARIO THREE
Your coach leads the discussion to a topic of her choice, waits for you to politely acknowledge the topic, confuses you with a few ambiguous fluff statements, and then turns the tables and insinuates that you sought her advice on said topic when actually you never did.
[GET RID OF THIS COACH. You sought a life coach because you wanted to learn to confidently navigate your own life. Instead, you got a coach who tries to trip you up with Jedi Mind Tricks! Perhaps there is something in her own life that she's having trouble controlling?]
SCENARIO FOUR
You: Crap, I can't find that book you sent me. I'm so disorganized!
Coach: If we are mentally resistant to a new idea, often our subconscious manifests itself in a self-fulfilling prophecy. Perhaps you lost the book because you didn't really want to read it. Consider opening your mind to new ideas...
[Some coaches have a habit of relating everything back to psychology, which is not always the case. Maybe you really did want to read the book but had a chaotic week. Instead of insinuating that you have mental blocks, which by the way is a NEGATIVE assertion and not very coach-like at all, your coach should initiate some positive improvement and suggest that you work on organizational skills together.]
SCENARIO FIVE
You: God, I need a pep talk!
Coach: Ahh yes... recognize that you, too, deserve love and attention...
[While this isn't the worst thing that's ever been said, it's a bit dramatic and makes you out to be some kind of pathetic sot with a poor self-image. When you ask for a pep talk, you should get just that - a few positive affirmations and some encouragement to go forward.]
General Condescention: Don't buy into the holier-than-thou bit.
Some red flag remarks:
"Let me explain something to you..."
"There's something that you don't understand..."
"I'm so proud of you!!! You did it all by yourself! I want you to handle all situations like that!"
[A truly gifted coach instinctively knows how to make her clients feel appreciated, commiserated with, and most of all, on the same level. Your coach should talk to you ADULT-TO-ADULT as though you are two comrades, not like she's the kindergarten teacher and you're five years old.]
There are millions of people marauding as psychologists and related occupations, who actually have personal issues themselves which is why they feel the need to control other people. If you're getting a sense of this about your own coach or counselor, it's probably legitimate. People who do not feel good about themselves should not assume a "helper" role in other people's lives.
Step up and do what your coach has been preaching all this time. Take control of your own life, and lose the power tripping coach. Instead, find a coach who's truly interested in helping you become stronger, more efficient and more successful as well as reaffirms the wonderful and talented person you are!
Copyright 2005 Dina Giolitto. All rights reserved.
Find out how thought-provoking articles can position you as an expert in your field. Dina Giolitto is a Copywriting Consultant with ten years of experience writing for print media and the web. Visit http://Wordfeeder.com for a free consultation and copywriting quote.
Here's a story that I think gets at why we... Read More
Diets are always in style. Every time you turn around,... Read More
Small talk used to be really hard work for me.... Read More
I was talking to one of my coaching clients and... Read More
January is the king of months for those looking to... Read More
Having excellent persuasion skills is one of the most important... Read More
The purpose of life is to live a life of... Read More
I'm calling you out. Issuing a Challenge. Relax, It's not... Read More
Coaching is about being your best. It's about performance, about... Read More
Nobody in business can fail to have noticed the recent... Read More
In business, individuals often secure the services of a success... Read More
He's a very successful sales manger who craves results. He... Read More
"How can I become a better and more effective coach?"... Read More
Are you facing a difficult time in your life? Do... Read More
Being a Life Strategy Coach doesn't mean I'm always on... Read More
Watching the news can be hazardous to your health.It's a... Read More
There are 2 key skills that coaches need to be... Read More
I'm working on a coach training certification, and one of... Read More
We demand more from those who provide to us and... Read More
Do you start your day with anger, frustration and annoyance... Read More
Suppose that the human mind is nothing more than a... Read More
People of two opposing ideas can stir up arguments and... Read More
Consider this scenario. A colleague suggests you get a business... Read More
I have been a member of a group called the... Read More
Most people suffer from stress at some time during the... Read More
You are going to meet a very important client for... Read More
Have you ever known anyone who asked themselves "Why me?"... Read More
In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on... Read More
When a conversation is not working out there is the... Read More
What is it like to be on the receiving end... Read More
"Fortune befriends the bold." - John DrydenI regularly work with... Read More
This article is for those of you who coach or... Read More
One of my clients gave me permission to tell you... Read More
When Do We Usually Feel Guilty? When:We're not feeling ok... Read More
It's past bedtime for most working men. It's not unbearably... Read More
Do you often get yourself upset and feeling less than... Read More
Every one of us have dreams, desires and goals that... Read More
Would you agree that today most of us have the... Read More
"Don't shoot... We're on the same side."Contrary to popular belief,... Read More
Have you encountered a time when you were in a... Read More
When we are ill and don't know it, we are... Read More
Experiences, whether good or bad, are sometimes all we have,... Read More
Have you considered hiring a personal coach? Jack Canfield, in... Read More
One of the mainstays of American culture is the "Great... Read More
Are you maximizing your strengths and promoting your talents at... Read More
Although many of us use self-help tools like affirmations, visualizations,... Read More
Perhaps no one better than a former U.S. president has... Read More
You undoubtedly go through this, too. A few times a... Read More
Like so many in corporate America today, Susan needed more... Read More
"Part of what motivates me to write this book is... Read More
People of two opposing ideas can stir up arguments and... Read More
In my speaking engagements I have often compared coaching today... Read More
I know what you're thinking? "Here I am, completely stressed... Read More
The battle at Gettysburg is one of the most notable... Read More
From the time Jennifer was a little child, she was... Read More
If you work with people, as a company owner, manager... Read More
During a recent coaching session with Mark, I was briefly... Read More
This article is for those of you who coach or... Read More
Why are you so busy? Do you really have too... Read More
When coaching, it's all about the client, be that as... Read More
"My guess is first I'll need some zippy flyers and... Read More
When you feel self-conscious it means you are putting too... Read More
In business, individuals often secure the services of a success... Read More
Do you find yourself striving upward in life yet making... Read More
I was thinking this morning about the importance of the... Read More
With the growing number of expert business people, consultants and... Read More
Coaching |