For Speaking Ease, Forgive Your Younger Self

I love the Disney movie The Kid with Bruce Willis. In it he plays a stressed-out, high-power image consultant. He wears expensive suits, lives in a chic, elegantly furnished home and has all the money he can spend. His biggest challenge comes when a young boy--his younger self--comes to stay with him. He doesn't recognize himself at first, but then comes to see that he can heal himself by comforting the boy he was and accepting the man he is. (Don't worry, there's still a lot of other fun, surprising stuff that happens so I haven't TOTALLY given the plot away.)

Often when I work with people who are anxious or uncomfortable with public speaking, they recount past experiences of perceived failure. They tell me their stories of screw-ups, stumbles and faults, all with a tone of humiliation and self-flagellation. They use critical, blaming language to describe themselves such as "I was so stupid", "I was pathetic", "I've never forgiven myself for that." It's bad enough to have had the bad experience in the first place, but we just make it worse when we spread the pain out over a lifetime by reliving the experience--and punishing ourselves for it--over and over and over again.

Exercise

(WARNING: The following exercise may seem corny, but try it anyway. Seriously.) Close your eyes (after reading this article, that is) and see yourself as you are today. Don't analyze or judge who you are today, just see yourself. Relax. Try to let go of any thoughts or distractions. Now imagine a younger version of yourself approaching--the you who screwed up that presentation all those years ago. Perhaps it's the you who messed up your 5th grade book report, or the you who sneezed all over your slides at your first sales meeting, perhaps the you who completely forgot to include those important statistics when making the big proposal to the Board of Directors. That younger self looks at you timidly, filled with embarrassment and shame for the poor performance. After years of being angry at and embarrassed by this younger self, you feel compassion. Looking at this poor suffering soul, you realize it's time to let him/her off the hook. This younger self has suffered enough. As you let go of your judgment, you realize that that younger self did the very best job possible, given the where he/she was at the time. (Your corny meter may be going off but stay with me here!) Now, reach out, embrace and forgive that younger self. Give that younger self some comforting words of encouragement and soothe the pain they've been carrying around all these years. Take the burden off his/her shoulders as you both let it go. Imagine a conversation between your present and former selves. What went wrong that day? What was learned? How can the present you and the former you work together to speak up with more confidence in the future?

You may have several past "selves" to forgive. Picture each past self who disappointed you and go through the same process. You might be surprised at how this can lighten your load and ease your discomfort.

We can't improve in an atmosphere of self-blame and criticism. When we speak, all we can do is the best we can do. Sometimes we succeed. Sometimes we fail. But chastising ourselves for past mistakes can only hold us back. Let your "selves" off the hook and move on. Forgive the person you were and accept the person you are. It's through compassion that you'll create the even better person you are becoming.

About The Author

Melissa Lewis turns traditional thinking about public speaking upside down to give people more comfort, confidence and charisma in front of groups. She is a former comic actress, a certified facilitator of SPEAKING CIRCLES and president of the National Speakers Association Kansas City Chapter. For more information call (913) 341-1241 or visit www.upsidedownspeaking.com.

melissa@upsidedownspeaking.com

---

A Perfect Meeting: AKA When You Dont Want to Strangle the Speaker

Have you ever worked for weeks or even months, often... Read More

How To Handle Audience Questions Effectively

For some reason, the prospect of having to answer audience... Read More

Directing Voiceovers: Dont Be, Do!

Directing a voice-over talent you've hired to read a spot... Read More

13 Publicity Tips for Professional Speakers

In a funk because other speakers seem to be snagging... Read More

Talk May Be Cheap but Your Speech Should Be Priceless!

Take a moment and imagine if you will any one... Read More

You Too Can Be A Public Speaker

Have you ever watched a speaker and said, "Wow, I... Read More

Lessons in Love for the Shy at Heart

One of the biggest regrets of my life is that... Read More

Ten Fatal Flaws Frequently Found from the Podium

1. No clear purpose for the presentation. What is the... Read More

Public Speaking Tips

1. No speech is ever perfect. Perfectionism creates more fear.... Read More

No More Stagefright - Have Fun Speaking!

7 Tips that calm and center you before your presentation:1.... Read More

Five Tips for Overcoming Public Speaking Nerves

Your mouth is dry, heart palpitating, and knees knocking. You... Read More

Make The Most of Examples and Stories

Examples and stories can bring your presentations alive. They can... Read More

What is Toastmasters?

Toastmasters.... Toastmasters....What is Toastmasters?Is it a bunch of guys in... Read More

SOS - Goal Setting

... --- ... SOS This is the traditional seafaring emergency... Read More

Overcoming Your Fears of Public Speaking

You're waiting your turn to make a speech, when suddenly... Read More

Pay Attention To Your Appearance!

During the coffee break of one conference I attended, whispers... Read More

How to Use your Inner Circle

Who do you know that knows that you speak?There is... Read More

Public Speaking Tips: The More You Know, The More It Will Flow - Tips For Knowing Your Audience

The more you know about your audience, the better your... Read More

Fear

FearOf what am I afraid, you ask. Of myself, I... Read More

How to Prepare your Mind/Body to Give Great Speeches

Sure you have catecholamines ? all speakers do. (including Sir... Read More

A Simple Guide to Writing (and Giving) a Speech

Nearly as dreaded as snakes and spiders, public speaking ranks... Read More

Lose Stagefright Over Your Lunch Hour

While teaching a two-day Speaking Confidence program to a group... Read More

How Authors Can Get a Free Promotional Tour

I was a celebrity lecture agent in the college and... Read More

Conversationally Speaking

"Would you like to say a few words?" How many... Read More

How VALUABLE is Your Speaking Topic?

What information can be used immediately by the audience and... Read More

To Insure Success in Speaking: Anticipate

We all know that to be a careful driver on... Read More

The Little-Known Speechwriting Secrets That Won George W Bush The US Election

He's been accused of "mangling the language, destroying its meaning... Read More

Giving Presentations: Public Speaking Secrets in a Nutshell

A high level manager contacted me in a panic. He... Read More

Speech Tips - Ten Things to Remember When Accepting an Award

Many people are recognised for their work, industry, sporting or... Read More

Overcome Your Fear of Public Speaking

Knocking knees, butterflies (who came up with that word?) in... Read More

Earn Your Cs as A Speaker

Franklin Delano Roosevelt had some good advice for the public... Read More

7 Sure Fire Ways To Overcome Stage Fright When Speaking Or Performing

Prayer or Meditation: If you're a believer you can pray... Read More

Speak in Public! Who Me?

The first time I had to speak in front of... Read More