Are You a Right-Fighter?

Are You a "Right-Fighter"?

Do you find yourself struggling to "win" arguments? Do people ask you why you always have to be right? Does conflict you engage in typically end with you having the last word, but no one feels good about the argument? Do arguments you engage in usually escalate to shouting and anger? If you have said yes to any of these questions, you are likely a right-fighter!

What is a "Right-Fighter"

A right-fighter is someone who struggles to win arguments, even if they doubt their own view. A right-fighter is someone who gets overly emotional or angry when people do not agree with them and their opinions or beliefs. A right-fighter is someone who insists on having the last word in an argument or refuses to back down no matter what.

Challenges of Being a "Right-Fighter"

1) People who are right-fighters, (or those who are driven by the need to be right), have their value or worth literally attached to the outcome of being right. On a very deep level, a right-fighter believes that if she is not agreed with then she is not valuable, lovable and/or worthy. The "right-fighter" desperately believes (unconsciously) that others must agree with her to feel ok about herself. Being a right-fighter causes you to depend upon others for your self-esteem and worth.

2) Right-Fighting is an acceptable form of violence or aggression. Because the right-fighting pattern usually ends up one sided and includes a winner and a loser, the effects are similar to those of physical abuse. Learned submission on the part of the children and often the other parent/spouse is inevitable. "Right-Fighting" is in fact a form of emotional abuse. A right-fighter parent is particularly harmful to children because the child is made to feel like the "loser" and that his or her opinions are not valid or important. Right-fighting is a direct reflection of low self-esteem. And unfortunately the low self-esteem of one steals the development of strong self-esteem of others.

Negative Outcomes of "Right-Fighting" Women

~ Loved ones around a right-fighting women experience consistent feelings of defeat and learn to seriously doubt their capabilities, lovability and value as a human. The result is often alienation. ~ Right-Fighting is an especially dangerous behavior for mothers. A very common outcome of right-fighting is that it tends to breed explosiveness and anger within the home environment. ~ Because the nature of a right-fighting parent is to prove his/her value and worthiness through being "right", it is at the same time stealing a strong sense of value and worthiness from the children. Any time parents have low self-esteem, the children will too. ~ Frequently right-fighters are managers, bosses or owners of companies because they are strong and powerful (which when used well are merely 2 of the abounding excellent qualities of the right-fighter!). Unfortunately, the right-fighting work environment creates disloyalty, frequent turnover, dishonesty, ineffectiveness, and an every man for himself attitude. (I'll save right-fighting in the workplace for another time!)

Do Not Despair!

If you have found that you may have some qualities of a right-fighter, don't start beating yourself up, begin working on it! You are a wonderful and lovable person with far more positive qualities

than negative... this is certain! This habit does NOT have to define you. You are capable of releasing this habit at any time (please seek help if you need it, a partner in change is always a wonderful gift to yourself and your family!).

Acknowledging your habit of right-fighting and becoming aware when you are engaging in this habit is the first, most important step in leading a more successful and happy life.

Action Step

"Right-fighters": Begin to gently remind yourself of your unchanging value and worth during arguments and disagreements, whether or not you fully believe it. "Fake it till you make it"! Begin to imagine what conflict would be like if the outcome was not important. Begin to allow others to hold one opinion and you another without having ill or hurt feelings. What would life be like to be loved, cared for and respected rather than being "right"? Try validating others' opinions as equally valuable. This doesn't mean you must agree, only to say "yes" you and your view are as valuable as mine". I promise you, peace will begin to flow into your life.

About Author: Momentum Performance Development is a personal and professional coaching company. When you commit to one of our programs, our team of experts in sport, career, and family performance development will assist in exponentially changing your life for the better. This means high performance success for you. We are committed to your results!

Sign up for our FANTASTIC newsletters at http://www.create-momentum.com/

In The News:


pen paper and inkwell


cat break through


The Time to Act

Engaging in genuine discipline requires that you develop the ability... Read More

Stop Squeaking! Align Yourself for Business Success!

Even for a remarkable business owner like you, from time... Read More

The Biggest Mistake Youve Made About Manifesting

What is the biggest mistake you have made about manifesting... Read More

Words Have Power

How many times have you heard or read that words... Read More

Remember, Worse Things Can Happen At Sea, So..... Dont Ever Quit!

Throughout the many pages of scores of motivational books, with... Read More

3 Great Ways to Beat Procrastination at Work

As more tasks become automated due to advances in technology... Read More

Five Ways to Expand Your Comfort Zone

Expanding your comfort zone isn't quite the same as building... Read More

Frustration, Isolation, Overwhelm

Whether you've been in business for yourself for a day... Read More

For Those Who Have Suffered!

As one who has suffered from the long, term effects... Read More

How to Give Yourself a Motivational Warm Up When You Wake Up

Question:What is the worst thing you can do when you... Read More

Keep Motivated To Succeed Online!

Starting and managing a business takes motivation and talent. It... Read More

Fear

As you prepare to take your first steps, could there... Read More

Its My Blankey and Im Keeping It!

"Blankey" ? as in Security Blankey. OK? All parents know... Read More

Procrastination: Make It Work FOR You!

Man, I love to procrastinate! And I'm pretty darn good... Read More

Achieving Your Dreams

While most people spend most of their lives struggling to... Read More

Finding Yourself: Finding Passion Series - 1 of 3

We have been told that the things we don't like... Read More

Make Motivation Stick

Motivation is the elusive elixir. Not only does it help... Read More

Did You Have A Tough Childhood?

Many claim intense childhood trauma "damages" a person in their... Read More

Seven Aspects of Making Brilliant Decisions: The Relationship Between Work and Self

Workweek: an opportunity for discovering and shaping; the place where... Read More

Take a Turn at Tenacious!

"Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence.... Read More

Get Negativity Out Of Your Life!

They say that the way to have a positive attitude... Read More

Todays Trivia

I received an email today that said I could: "Make... Read More

How to Master Lifes Problems

"Life is a Tiger-ride, by no means easy, but ride... Read More

How to Get Rid of Inaction Paralysis!

How many times have you come up with a brilliant... Read More

Motivation By Your Family And Cornermen

The motivation for good or bad which we get from... Read More

7 Reasons To Stop Procrastinating Today

Procrastination is a delay tactic that has the ability to... Read More

Full Steam Ahead, Just Dont Go Off Half Cocked!

Do you do things that you don't want to do?... Read More

How to Use the Power of Words to Your Benefit

Someone I know maintains that "motivational words are great coming... Read More

Make Up Excuses Why You Can

We all have excuses as to why we can't do... Read More

Know your Mission

One passage states "If you want to defeat them, distract... Read More

Whatever Happened to You?

Whatever happened to all the dreams? The wants, the desires,... Read More

Ambitiously Pursuing Your Own Self

(Excerpted from The Power of Ambition series)What is the origin... Read More

We Are Trying To...

How many times have you heard this in your life?... Read More