Happiness and the Single Person; Changing Myth Into Reality

Does the expression "single and happy" sound like an oxymoron to you? Are you weary of others (especially other singles) reinforcing the belief that singles cannot be happy? Do you find yourself always planning for the future or putting things off until you "are married and settled? Do you often have a sense that the intense feelings of happiness and joy cannot really be experienced unless you "have someone to share it with?" Do you just feel there is not enough time and other necessary resources available to the single person to pursue experiences that can bring true happiness?

If the above resonates in your gut, do not despair. The following tips will offer ways to help you experience your present reality differently through changing behavior that is based on those negative (false) beliefs. Essentially, these tips will offer advice on how to live a joyful, fulfilling and balanced single life, which will also assist you in achieving a healthy, long- term, intimate relationship.

· Seek self-fulfillment as an individual.

Place emphasis on being truly alive and experiencing the things that bring you true pleasure. Do not let the feelings of peace and wonder slip from your life as you wait to share (beautiful sunsets) and other gifts of life with a future partner.

Do not place your focus on "getting there." Instead, learn to experience the journey of life. If you can only see the goal of a relationship - marriage, home, children, etc., you will not enjoy the experiences along life's way.

A good analogy for this is that of a person who bikes and sets (ie), a 40-mile goal for the day. They plan and prepare and off they go. The trip consists of thoughts about getting there, watching for problems in the road ahead, measuring the distance and looking forward to the sense of relief and accomplishment when the goal is met.

What about the sensory experiences missed along the way? This biker will not see the way the sun is reflecting on the river. They will not hear the sounds of the birds and other wildlife in the parallel world around them. The smells of fresh vegetation, moist soil and spring-drenched air will not reach their awareness. It is doubtful their mind will trip and play with thoughts of other (perhaps childhood) days like this.

In other words, they will not be IN the experience, just racing through it, and missing the magic available all around them.

· Do not put off important life decisions while waiting for that special someone.

If your desire is to own your own home, work towards achieving this now. Yes, it may be smaller than if you had a partner to share it with. Your list of must-haves with this first home may be different (as yours alone) than they would be if you were looking for a family. When that time comes, you can make the decision to remain there for a time, or sell/rent out your first place. In the meantime, you will have an investment that you can make into something that meets your needs now for comfortable and secure living. It will add stability and be a wonderful help at tax time.

If you are thinking about making a career change or going back to school for a degree, there is no better time than now.

Yes, this may involve re-working priorities, moving, giving up some income, etc. If this is something you have decided you want for your life, delaying it until you are settled in a relationship may make it impossible to achieve. Make that move now. Do not let this time in your life be placed on hold as you wait for things to happen in your life, instead of working to make them become reality.

· Pamper yourself

Do nice things for yourself now that you have been putting off until?

Go ahead and take that trip to the exotic place you have always wanted to visit. You can return there someday with your special someone.

Make it a habit to set the table for your dinner (for one). Use nice china and candles. Treat yourself as deserving of the things couples routinely provide to themselves as a unit. Ask yourself, am I less deserving because I am single?

Put care and love into how you decorate your home. It does not have to cost a lot of money or become another chore to accomplish this. Make it a comfortable nest and retreat from the world. You and your future mate can decide together what to keep, change or add to.

* Make a plan, not excuses

Make time for the things that matter. Do not let your job or other responsibilities take over your life. Set those priorities. Set limits on work and other functional tasks. We often cite work as our best excuse for not attending to our other needs and wants. This may mean making less money or not moving up as fast in the organization.

Without balance, there will be deficits in the emotional, spiritual, and social and leisure areas of your life. Write down your must haves.

Take time out each day for unwinding and relaxation. Keep a weekly inventory of how you are doing and make adjustments as necessary.

Learn how to productively "waste time". Turn off the blackberry and TV. Spend time alone with your thoughts. Reflect on your feelings and your life.

This is the season for new beginnings. Let this spring be your time for learning how to be truly happy and at peace within yourself. Immerse your senses in the many joys that the world around you has to offer. Don't shut out the beauty and happiness that is available to everyone, regardless of their relationship status.

Toni Coleman is a licensed therapist and relationship coach in private practice in McLean, Virginia. She specializes in working with singles that want to create lasting, intimate relationships. Toni has over 20 years of post-masters experience in relationship counseling and coaching with singles and couples. She is the founder and President of LifeChange Coaching and Consum-mate Relationship Coaching. She developed and teaches the Creating Lasting Relationships Training, a tele-workshop designed to help singles to define, implement and fulfill their life and relationship goals. She has also written numerous email classes for singles on all aspects of meeting, dating and relating. She is the author of the email newsletter, The Art of Intimacy, which goes out to thousands of subscribers monthly. http://www.consum-mate.com

---

The Most Beautiful Flowers

The most beautiful flowers, in conjunction with their design and... Read More

The American Dream ? At What Cost?

When people are asked, "How many of you are content... Read More

The ABCs Of A Great Life: J Is For Joviality

Laughter, humor, a lighthearted sense of being - all of... Read More

How To Be Happy

Happiness is a state of mind, so your state of... Read More

Keeping You Confident!

We can all be confident when we are sure of... Read More

There is a Cure for the Summertime Blues

I have never lived anywhere else where when you walk... Read More

Common Scents For Emotional Well Being

Aromatics which include essential oils, perfume, centred candles and incense,... Read More

Suffering and Happiness

The one feature that sets life on Earth apart from... Read More

Your Perfect Partner

A woman we'll call "Jane" thought she was a great... Read More

Smile

How do we smile at each other? Is there a... Read More

Increase Your Happiness - Look Forward With Hindsight

Six months ago you had trouble finding your keys and... Read More

Happiness - Work Now or Later?

Long-term success and happiness follows hand-in-hand with strength of character.As... Read More

In Pursuit of Happiness

In pursuit of happiness, what will we do as women?... Read More

Laughter and Your Health

Did you know that according to research, children laugh about... Read More

Growing Up Backwards

It seems like I set out in this life to... Read More

Its All About Me: Why Its Good to Be Selfish

I started thinking about this topic during a discussion of... Read More

Are You Doing What You Love?

Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the... Read More

Develop a Guiding Philosophy for Happiness

Groundedness is one of the most important components of a... Read More

Being Happy

How can one be happy? Is it a tough question?... Read More

Love and Laughter ? Celebrating the Gift of Life

Only you can call me into aliveness. Each time... Read More

Choose Happiness

It's a beautiful spring day in Beverly Hills, California. I'm... Read More

But I Bought All The Books And Tapes, And Im Still Unhappy!

I love this quote by Zig Ziglar, and think it's... Read More

Love, Uncles, and Etymology

Thwack! . . . Thwack! . . . Thwack! Steven... Read More

May the Budgie of Happiness Sit on Your Head

My grandmother, Mimi, was a great solitaire player. My family... Read More

Get Right! Make a Difference

Want to make a difference? What can one person do?... Read More

Self-Worthiness

Worthiness-word origin. Worth and worship both come from Old English... Read More

Happiness Without Prescription

As life and lifestyles speed up, so does the growing... Read More

Gratefulness

Gratefulness brings a great fullness to life. The choice to... Read More

How To Be Outrageously Happy

You can be as happy as you want whenever you... Read More

Choose To Be Happy - NOW!

The older I get, the more I realize that ninety... Read More

Forgive to Succeed - Im Talking to the You Behind Your Eyes

If your blood is still pumping through your veins, you... Read More

Can Money Buy You Happiness?

Well, doesn't that depend on what's causing you to be... Read More

See for Yourself : 12 Step Tools Can Bring Happy, Joyous and Free into Everyones Life

We are all familiar with or have heard of the... Read More