Happiness and the Single Person; Changing Myth Into Reality

Does the expression "single and happy" sound like an oxymoron to you? Are you weary of others (especially other singles) reinforcing the belief that singles cannot be happy? Do you find yourself always planning for the future or putting things off until you "are married and settled? Do you often have a sense that the intense feelings of happiness and joy cannot really be experienced unless you "have someone to share it with?" Do you just feel there is not enough time and other necessary resources available to the single person to pursue experiences that can bring true happiness?

If the above resonates in your gut, do not despair. The following tips will offer ways to help you experience your present reality differently through changing behavior that is based on those negative (false) beliefs. Essentially, these tips will offer advice on how to live a joyful, fulfilling and balanced single life, which will also assist you in achieving a healthy, long- term, intimate relationship.

· Seek self-fulfillment as an individual.

Place emphasis on being truly alive and experiencing the things that bring you true pleasure. Do not let the feelings of peace and wonder slip from your life as you wait to share (beautiful sunsets) and other gifts of life with a future partner.

Do not place your focus on "getting there." Instead, learn to experience the journey of life. If you can only see the goal of a relationship - marriage, home, children, etc., you will not enjoy the experiences along life's way.

A good analogy for this is that of a person who bikes and sets (ie), a 40-mile goal for the day. They plan and prepare and off they go. The trip consists of thoughts about getting there, watching for problems in the road ahead, measuring the distance and looking forward to the sense of relief and accomplishment when the goal is met.

What about the sensory experiences missed along the way? This biker will not see the way the sun is reflecting on the river. They will not hear the sounds of the birds and other wildlife in the parallel world around them. The smells of fresh vegetation, moist soil and spring-drenched air will not reach their awareness. It is doubtful their mind will trip and play with thoughts of other (perhaps childhood) days like this.

In other words, they will not be IN the experience, just racing through it, and missing the magic available all around them.

· Do not put off important life decisions while waiting for that special someone.

If your desire is to own your own home, work towards achieving this now. Yes, it may be smaller than if you had a partner to share it with. Your list of must-haves with this first home may be different (as yours alone) than they would be if you were looking for a family. When that time comes, you can make the decision to remain there for a time, or sell/rent out your first place. In the meantime, you will have an investment that you can make into something that meets your needs now for comfortable and secure living. It will add stability and be a wonderful help at tax time.

If you are thinking about making a career change or going back to school for a degree, there is no better time than now.

Yes, this may involve re-working priorities, moving, giving up some income, etc. If this is something you have decided you want for your life, delaying it until you are settled in a relationship may make it impossible to achieve. Make that move now. Do not let this time in your life be placed on hold as you wait for things to happen in your life, instead of working to make them become reality.

· Pamper yourself

Do nice things for yourself now that you have been putting off until?

Go ahead and take that trip to the exotic place you have always wanted to visit. You can return there someday with your special someone.

Make it a habit to set the table for your dinner (for one). Use nice china and candles. Treat yourself as deserving of the things couples routinely provide to themselves as a unit. Ask yourself, am I less deserving because I am single?

Put care and love into how you decorate your home. It does not have to cost a lot of money or become another chore to accomplish this. Make it a comfortable nest and retreat from the world. You and your future mate can decide together what to keep, change or add to.

* Make a plan, not excuses

Make time for the things that matter. Do not let your job or other responsibilities take over your life. Set those priorities. Set limits on work and other functional tasks. We often cite work as our best excuse for not attending to our other needs and wants. This may mean making less money or not moving up as fast in the organization.

Without balance, there will be deficits in the emotional, spiritual, and social and leisure areas of your life. Write down your must haves.

Take time out each day for unwinding and relaxation. Keep a weekly inventory of how you are doing and make adjustments as necessary.

Learn how to productively "waste time". Turn off the blackberry and TV. Spend time alone with your thoughts. Reflect on your feelings and your life.

This is the season for new beginnings. Let this spring be your time for learning how to be truly happy and at peace within yourself. Immerse your senses in the many joys that the world around you has to offer. Don't shut out the beauty and happiness that is available to everyone, regardless of their relationship status.

Toni Coleman is a licensed therapist and relationship coach in private practice in McLean, Virginia. She specializes in working with singles that want to create lasting, intimate relationships. Toni has over 20 years of post-masters experience in relationship counseling and coaching with singles and couples. She is the founder and President of LifeChange Coaching and Consum-mate Relationship Coaching. She developed and teaches the Creating Lasting Relationships Training, a tele-workshop designed to help singles to define, implement and fulfill their life and relationship goals. She has also written numerous email classes for singles on all aspects of meeting, dating and relating. She is the author of the email newsletter, The Art of Intimacy, which goes out to thousands of subscribers monthly. http://www.consum-mate.com

---

How To Be Outrageously Happy

You can be as happy as you want whenever you... Read More

The Golden Moments in Life

This month I'm going to talk about something I've never... Read More

Common Scents For Emotional Well Being

Aromatics which include essential oils, perfume, centred candles and incense,... Read More

A Bad Hairdresser Day

"Hey everybody!" Hairdresser Lady called out. "It's The Happy Guy.""Don't... Read More

Divining Your Life Path Number

The Life Path is determined by the sum that is... Read More

Stop Sickies and Make People Happy At Work

If you're an employer or a manager then work place... Read More

Lifes Like that

It is now 5 years since I passed out of... Read More

Get Out Those Legos

Many of my clients are working harder than smarter. This... Read More

10 Survival Strategies to Overcoming Adversity and Being Happy

If one thing is for certain, each of us will... Read More

Happiness-Marriage-Love-Divorce-Suicide-Peace Within-college

Too many of us seem to think that there should... Read More

7 Gifts that Multiply Happiness

Did you know that there are gifts that will multiply... Read More

Are You Getting in the Way?

Getting out of our busy mode and into our heart... Read More

Smile

How do we smile at each other? Is there a... Read More

Poetic Romance

Romance is conveyed in so many different ways.One less commonly... Read More

Achievement and Happiness the 80/20 Way

If there was ever a principle that was responsible for... Read More

You are Where You are Because You Decided to be There

The decisions we make everyday have a big impact on... Read More

Happiness Fleeting

"You cannot capture happiness no matter how hard you may... Read More

Breaking the Cycle

Breaking the cycle is a term we have all heard.... Read More

10 Ideas to Jump Start Your Self-Confidence

To begin feeling that first spark of self-confidence within you,... Read More

Impractical Magic

Witchcraft is a messy, expensive, time-consuming, and inefficient way to... Read More

The Great Opportunity

I assume you want to be happier. Searching for greater... Read More

Reframing with NLP For Enhanced Happiness

I used to work for the Independent National Newspaper in... Read More

Choosing Happiness

Did you know that it's up to you?It's actually your... Read More

Emotional Baggage

We all have them. It has many faces. We carry... Read More

King Solomons Mind

"Don't you understand, everything in this life is meaningless," cautioned... Read More

But I Bought All The Books And Tapes, And Im Still Unhappy!

I love this quote by Zig Ziglar, and think it's... Read More

Do You Love Yourelf?

Learning to love yourself isn't easy - especially if you... Read More

Getting In Touch With Your Inner Feelings

Every disease or ailment, whether it be cancer, diabetes, arthritis,... Read More

Sweeten Up Your Life

Sometimes life experiences can be like a lemon-flavored Tootsie Roll... Read More

Things To Do To Beat The Blues

As moms we all tend to get the blues, we... Read More

Divining Your Karmic Number

Your karmic number interpretation tells you what you need to... Read More

Finding Purpose and Meaning in Life

A friend once said to me, "There is no meaning... Read More

Life or Lifestyle?

"When you live the life you were meant to live,... Read More