Afraid Of Dying? Afraid Of Living!

Over the years, I've heard many people voice their concerns of death and dying. It wasn't that they had any maladies that would cause them to die any time soon, but they were "afraid of their own immortality." The basic idea of death, or the potential of death, created a mind-numbing fear that, in some cases, forced them into isolation to avoid anything that could increase their chances of dying.

Although this might sound like a gruesome topic, it is important, as one of the most common situations associated with a fear of dying is actually a "fear of living." One fears death because they've not learned how to live. They are afraid that there won't be enough time to live a full life and in the process waste the time worrying about not living. Believe it or not, this is more common than you might think.

One of the other, underlying, reasons for fear of death is the ingrained parental voices of society and religion that, indeed, we will perish in the afterlife. One needs to evaluate the realities of their spiritualism to ensure that those beliefs provide comfort and support throughout life. However, why must one examine spiritualism externally since we are our own gods and our own spiritual essence?

From some of the situations I've noticed in my work and studies, many of my clients, and others, have a distinct belief in something outside that creates their essence --- or on which their essence is based. By believing and honoring this "thing", "being", "organization", etc., they feel as though they are part of something greater. It also provides them with "softer answers" to the "larger questions" --- otherwise known as faith. Indeed, there are no soft answers and it is in those realities that we can grow and eliminate fear.

Of course, I can't blame these individuals for feeling and believing the way they do as their ideas have been handed down over the generations by society and religion. If these ideas were to be ripped from them, it would throw them into a whirlwind of confusion and instill hatred that they were misled all these years.

It is seen by society that control is easier to maintain on fearful "lost sheep", or "cattle", that have faith in a supreme being --- "authority". If people believe in themselves and their own internal gods and spiritualism, then they no longer belong to a group and can no longer be swayed to the will of those in power.

In fact, by allowing people to believe, and teaching such beliefs, in their inner gods and spiritualism, they do indeed belong to a group --- a much larger group consisting of everyone and everything --- this instead of segregating groups by concocted, shaky, and fear-inducing beliefs. Could this be the answer to many of today's problems? Instead of pointing to a multitude of greater beings and dictating what these beings tell each group of believers simply to create a rift at the political and religious levels, perhaps by believing in oneself as the creator and understanding that we are all creators that the turmoil might decrease or desist.

Of course, that would eliminate the separations of political and belief-based organizations. Of course, this could also eliminate the desire to move forward in life as the idea of competition on many levels would change. Instead of working to win, become rich, and attain power, we would work for the betterment in ourselves, of ourselves, for each other, and to increase our own internal power.

The idea of using external influences and deities is primarily based on one's belief system and as such is necessary for many to establish a spiritual side. As noted, it is easier to offload one's own responsibilities and destiny on to a faith-based entity than to accept that we choose and define our own destinies. But, to resolve, it is essential to replace that belief with a sense of reality; however, that is a slow and laborious process that will take centuries to unravel as it took centuries to instill.

In the long run, your internal beliefs and desires are the only things that can provide you with a life of wonder and excitement that overshadows the inevitability of death. As they say, the two things you can count on are "death and taxes." So, such circumstances are inevitable and cannot be avoided. Therefore, they should not be planned into your life! Taxes will happen every year on April 15th and death will occur when it occurs. But, sitting and waiting in the interim for the "inevitable" won't make it go away, nor will it make it easier to manage. Life is the only thing that you have control over, so your only options are, sit quietly and die inside until your physical death catches up to you. Or, you can live life to its fullest and not worry about what will happen in 40 or 50 years. Just worry about how well you can live right now and create something solid for the "memory banks."

About The Author

Edward B. Toupin is an author, life-strategy coach, counselor, Reiki Master, technical writer, and PhD Candidate living in Las Vegas, NV. Among other things, he authors books, articles, and screenplays on topics ranging from career success through life organization and fulfillment. Check out some of his recent print and electronic books as well as his articles covering various life-changing topics! For more information, e-mail Edward at etoupin@toupin.com or visit his site at http://www.make-life-great.com or http://www.toupin.com!

Copyright (c) 2004 Edward B. Toupin

---

Dealing With Grief and Loss - How to Mend a Broken Heart

What is it about Grief & Loss that upsets us... Read More

Suicide - An Eternal Pain

Suicide is the one form of death that has quite... Read More

If Ever It Is Me

With my father, his brother and their father having had... Read More

The Grief And Belief Connection

"Grief is healing: To take away our grief is to... Read More

How to Turn Grief into Joy

I was with my daddy when he died. Excuse me,... Read More

Trial by Fire - 9 Tips for Grieving Couples

You will often hear that grief and loss bring couples... Read More

How to Cope with Anticipatory Grief

Anticipatory grief is the name given to the mix of... Read More

How To Heal Your Heart

We all experience severe heart break at some time in... Read More

Then and Now

Over one hundred years ago, during the Victorian era, death... Read More

Silent Tears - from a Norwegian Hospital

Silent tears hit hospital-white sheets. The young Pakistani mother holds... Read More

Pope John Paul II

WHAT I LEARNED FROM POPE JOHN PAUL II ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I am... Read More

Moving Beyond Grief and Loss

In my work as a coach and therapist, I have... Read More

Adapting to the Loss of a Loved One: Three Tips on how to Cope

Have you ever sat down and played a piano where... Read More

The Look of Grief

Never, since man has walked upright, have people all over... Read More

Euthanasia: How Will I Know When its Time?

Pippin needed assistance from his owner to get to his... Read More

Liberation

It is one thing to be free; it is quite... Read More

Death of a Parent: Saying Good-Bye to Mommy or Daddy

Coping with the death of a loved one is never... Read More

How To Write A Eulogy

Remembering someone special in a personal way can be healing... Read More

Whats It All About?

For most people life is a fairly ordinary existence -... Read More

A Critical Assessment of Euthanasia

The question of whether, say, a man should have the... Read More

The Walking Wounded

When my phone rang the other day, it was a... Read More

One Womans Way of Dealing With Grief

All of us at one time or another have felt... Read More

Sympathy Flowers

Sending a floral tribute is a very appropriate way of... Read More

Signs After Suicide: The Red Butterfly

Shortly after noon, I went into Arlyn's bedroom to get... Read More

Who has the Worst Pain

During the 28 years I have been interacting with bereaved... Read More

Terrorism Worries: 10 Ways to Turn Fear into Hope

September 11th changed America and chances are it changed you.... Read More

Cultivate a Friendship with Death

Why We Fear Death"Men fear death as children fear to... Read More

Grief Masks

October makes me think of Halloween, and Halloween makes me... Read More

Dealing With Tragedies (The 9/11 Tragedy)

September 11, 2001, marked yet another significant turning point in... Read More

Traumas as Social Interactions

("He" in this text - to mean "He" or "She").We... Read More

Anticipatory Grief and Ongoing Sadness for Caregivers

In 1969, Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross published her famous book; On... Read More

Are We All Losers? Understanding Grief

The well-known pioneer researcher Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross identified five states... Read More

Suicide in the Church, Part 3

Suicide strikes...AGAIN!This may wind up being the most important article... Read More