How To Write A Eulogy

Remembering someone special in a personal way can be healing for everyone concerned, for a eulogy is a deeply personal way of saying goodbye. The key word is life, and you've been given the opportunity to celebrate a loved one's life in the individual way that made your friend unique. Don't be daunted by the task, just take these simple steps for a sincere and moving last farewell.

To prepare a eulogy, you will need to be well prepared. The eulogy should convey your feelings and your experiences and should be written in an informal, conversational tone. It's not for summarising the person's life and it doesn't have to speak for all present. Just sit down and write from your heart. So, where do you start?

1. Get your material

First, collect some biographical facts : age, working life, marriage dates, places lived, children, and so on. Ask the family, they will welcome the chance to talk about their loved one. Then collect personal facts : special skills and accomplishments, characteristics, hobbies, etc. Now think about the stories you remember, or the turn of phrase or typical behavior that captures a person's character so well.

Here are some questions to get you thinking:

• How did you and the deceased become close? When did you meet?
• What's a humourous or touching event that sticks in your mind. Does it represent the individuality of your friend?
• What did you most like and admire about the deceased?
• What will you miss most about this person?
• What will you always remember?

Some of the simplest thoughts are deeply touching. For example, "I'll miss his crooked grin " "I'll always remember her bubbling laugh". These warm touches will bring loving memories to those who are listening. Some of the best memorial services are filled with fond remembrances and laughter. Poetry is inspirational, and also of great assistance in writing a eulogy.

2. Organise your material

Write your notes in point form on sheets of paper or on 3x5 file cards - one idea to a card. Now group the cards into piles of similar topics. Then sort each pile of cards into a logical order. Write your first draft. Use linking sentences to make each topic flow easily into the next. Pay most attention to your beginning and ending. As you write, edit and polish, keep the words "celebration" and "thanksgiving" in your mind.

3. Practice!

If you're not used to speaking in public, start practicing. Run an Internet search on 'speaking tips' or borrow a book on speaking from the library. Read your speech into a tape and then play it back. You'll be able to polish your eulogy and your delivery. Now stand in front of a mirror and practice some more. Even someone who has never spoken in public at all will do a good job with practice.

4. How do you keep calm?

It doesn't sound easy, but you can do it. If you're worried about choking up or breaking down in the middle of your eulogy, you can take a moment to compose yourself, then carry on. This is perfectly acceptable. If you're afraid you might break down while in the middle of the eulogy and find yourself unable to recover, ask someone ahead of time to be ready to take over at a signal from you. Give them a copy of your eulogy. Just knowing you have a backup speaker will probably be all you need to stay calm.

Above all, remember to breathe

You'll only have to speak for five to ten minutes, but your gift will live on in the hearts of the deceased's family and friends

Susanna Duffy is a Civil Celebrant, grief counsellor and mythologist. She creates ceremonies and Rites of Passage for individual and civic functions, and specialises in Croning and other celebrations for women. http://celebrant.yarralink.com

---

We are the Reflection of our Lives: How to Survive Loss & Humility

Everyday, I look in the mirror to see the face... Read More

The Truth About Emotional Intelligence

There is so much emphasis on emotional intelligence these days... Read More

Suicide Survivor

Suicide is a nightmare for survivors of loved ones. Death... Read More

The Look of Grief

Never, since man has walked upright, have people all over... Read More

Do You Know Someone Whos Dying?

Too many people are dying alone?The dying are one of... Read More

Graceful Grief: Angelic Help is on the Way!

I believe that major change and loss in our lives... Read More

Death, Close and Personal

I got an email recently from someone whose mother died.... Read More

Cultivate a Friendship with Death

Why We Fear Death"Men fear death as children fear to... Read More

Euthanasia: How Will I Know When its Time?

Pippin needed assistance from his owner to get to his... Read More

Lessons We Learned From Terri Schiavo

Let's talk about Terry Schiavo, since her death illustrated for... Read More

Who has the Worst Pain

During the 28 years I have been interacting with bereaved... Read More

Silent Tears - from a Norwegian Hospital

Silent tears hit hospital-white sheets. The young Pakistani mother holds... Read More

Loss Involves Change - The Transformative Power of Loss and Change

There are many experiences in life, which remind us that... Read More

Are We All Losers? Understanding Grief

The well-known pioneer researcher Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross identified five states... Read More

Death Poem

During the two years of my husband's terminal illness, death... Read More

The Grief And Belief Connection

"Grief is healing: To take away our grief is to... Read More

Death of a Parent: Saying Good-Bye to Mommy or Daddy

Coping with the death of a loved one is never... Read More

One Stray Tear

The delight lit my face as the couple turned the... Read More

Learning to Live Again

Overcoming death and beginning once again to live is the... Read More

Online Monument ? An Ever-lasting Tribute to Your Departed Loved Ones

Memories are never to be buried along with the loss... Read More

Made in Heaven

Consumed by my loss, I didn't notice the hardness of... Read More

On Empathy

The Encyclopaedia Britannica (1999 edition) defines empathy as:"The ability to... Read More

In the Blink of an Eye

Today's Quote: "My house is burned down, but I can... Read More

One Womans Way of Dealing With Grief

All of us at one time or another have felt... Read More

Sympathy Flowers

Sending a floral tribute is a very appropriate way of... Read More

New Tears [about Grievng--with commentary]

New Tears [about Grieving]If it rains or shinesLittle does it... Read More

Traumas as Social Interactions

("He" in this text - to mean "He" or "She").We... Read More

After Suicide: Returning to Life, Thanks to an Owl

Have you ever lost the ability to laugh? I did.When... Read More

An Unexpected Letter

It was a couple of weeks after Christmas, and I... Read More

When The Spirit Leaves The Body

Do you spend most of your time inside or outside... Read More

Angel of Comfort... The Story

I am an Angel artist and several weeks ago while... Read More

Suicide in the Church Part 2

In a town the size of mine - about 16,000... Read More

Dying? Not Me! Why You Should Plan for Transition

Remember the Eulogy projects we had to write back in... Read More