Stress Management

Have you ever said the words, "This job/my life is so stressful!" Or something else along those lines?

Most people believe that stress is something that happens in their lives. They believe it is the result of outside circumstances beyond their control. We are stressed if our work is too difficult. We get stressed when people in our lives aren't doing what we want them to do. We are stressed when it's been too long since a vacation. We get stress over deaths, weddings, major purchases and a host of other things. We talk as if stress is something outside ourselves---a condition of things in our external environment. It's not.

Health professionals will tell us that stress is a contributing factor in many physical ailments---heart attacks, asthma, high blood pressure, stroke and many others. There are several diagnoses in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual IV, the diagnostic tool of therapists and psychiatrists that describe many stress-related disorders. Stress is a killer.

Have you ever wondered why some people seem to handle stress better than others do? One individual may have all the life circumstances purported to cause stress in one's life but seem to be just breezing through his or her day, seemingly without a care, while another person gets a flat tire on the way to work and has a total melt down. How can this be explained? I intend to look at stress from a different perspective---a choice theory perspective.

According to Choice Theory, all behavior is purposeful. This means that no matter what we do it is a purposeful attempt to get something we want. We are never simply responding to outside stimuli.

You may ask, "What about when I flinch when I hear a loud noise?" The flinching is not a response to the noise, but rather your proactive way of staying safe. This may seem like I'm splitting hairs, but it is an important distinction to understand in this discussion of stress. Let me give you another example. You may think you get mad at your child for not cleaning his or her room after you asked several times. It sure feels as if the anger is in direct response to your child's behavior. However, your anger is actually your best attempt to get your child to do what you want. By displaying angry behavior, it is your belief that your child will go ahead and clean up his or her room. Any behavior or emotion we employ is a proactive, sometimes conscious sometimes not, attempt to get something we want, not a response to external stimuli.

The same is true for stress. We are choosing stress as a proactive attempt to get something we want. This choice is almost never conscious, but I want it to become conscious for you. Once it is conscious, then you have the power to choose to do it differently if you so desire. Since all behavior is purposeful, it helps to understand what possible benefits or purposes one could achieve by stressing. Who would ever choose that behavior for any benefit? I say stressing can be motivating. Many of us perform at our peak level when we have that adrenalin rush moving through our veins. Anyone who has ever waited until the last minute to study for a test or complete a project knows what I'm talking about here.

Stressing can also be a way of telling others they better back off. I know when I felt stress, it was my unconscious goal to let my boss know she had better not ask me to do one more thing or I just might lose it! I would send out signals of overwhelm---lots of sighing, threatening looks, irritability, loss of humor. I have to admit that since I didn't do it very often, it was quite effective. Whenever I was stressed, my boss generally left me alone to do my work.

Stressing can also get us the help we need. When the message is out there, others may rally around us to support us. People may actually offer to do some things for us so we can reduce the overwhelm.

Another possible benefit is that stressing can provide us with recognition. People may say, "Wow, look at _____________. I don't know how he/she gets all that done. It's amazing!" There are some who appreciate this positive recognition.

One final thought on stressing benefits. . . When we stress long enough, we may develop physical symptoms. In Choice Theory, Dr. Glasser tells us that are behavior is total, meaning it is comprised of four inseparable component---the action, our thoughts, our feelings and the physiology of our body or whatever our body is doing at that moment. When we don't take care of managing our stress levels, our physiology takes over and creates physical symptoms for us. Now remember, I said all behavior is purposeful and physiology is a part of the total behavior. Do you understand the purpose of the physical symptoms that accompany prolonged stress? Of course, it is our body's way of telling us we have to stop or slow down. It produces the physical symptoms that are hard to ignore. When we attend to them, we get the rest we need and therefore reduce the stress. Can you see how all behavior is purposeful?

If you are experiencing the effects of stress in your life, I am not suggesting that you are to blame. What I am saying is that up until this point, you have been doing absolutely the best you know how, consciously or unconsciously to get something you want by stressing. If you can pinpoint what the benefit(s) of stress is/are to you, then you can look at ways to get what you need without having to stress.

To learn about stress management, visit www.TheRelationshipCenter.biz and check our events calendar for upcoming teleclasses, chats and workshops.

Kim Olver is a licensed professional counselor and a life/relationship coach. She helps people unleash their personal power by living from the inside out, focusing their time and energy on only those things they can control. She also helps people improve the quality of their relationships with the important people in their lives.

---

Control Stress or It Will Control Your Business

When we think about stress in the workplace, we usually... Read More

Stress Management: Are You a Diamond or a Lump of Coal?

"Do you want to be a lump of coal or... Read More

Stress Management and Mastery: The Value of Vitamin NO

What part of no don't you understand? - Bumper stickerThe... Read More

Stress- What Is It?

Whenever we think of 'stress', negative thoughts come into our... Read More

Overcoming Stress: Successful Living The Easy Way

So many of us live a stressful life. Unfortunately, when... Read More

Alleviate Stress Without Pills!

We all have it; we live with it daily: stress.... Read More

Reduce Stress To Maximize Efficiency

The right amount of stress can be good for you,... Read More

10 Ways to Enjoy Your Stress More

1. The Mentor Method: think of your favorite person. Someone... Read More

Stress Management: Workaholism is a Thief

Let's take a look at some of the more serious... Read More

Stress Management: 4 Steps to Massive Stress Relief by Having Fun

Over the years I've collected scores of comics and cartoons... Read More

How to Cope When Things Go Wrong

There are times in every person's life when things do... Read More

Do You Have Your Foot On The Pedal? Are You Overwhelmed At Work?

Is your in-tray or inbox full? I don't normally check... Read More

Relieving Stress with Exercise... and Losing Body Fat in the Process!

Feeling stressed out lately? Don't worry, there is a simple... Read More

Simple Tips to Help Simplify Your Life! - Make it Great!

Quote of the week"Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication." Leonardo da... Read More

How to Cope With Stress and Anxiety

Among the hardest parts of living in the modern world... Read More

7 Healthy Ways To Release Holiday Stress

Many people go through the motions during Christmas. If not... Read More

9 Warning Signs of Stress

Stress is the nastiest 4 letter word you ever met.... Read More

Keeping You Stress Free!

We function at our best when we are free from... Read More

Stress

Stress. The word brings to mind many different definitions doesn't... Read More

Inner Space

Every woman needs her own personal space for relaxation, not... Read More

Stress Tips

26 ways to minimize and manage the unhealthy effects of... Read More

Managing Your Persistent Fears And Anxieties

Everybody deals with fear and anxiety, however some people have... Read More

Dialing M For Mindfulness

Looking for mindfulness? Who ya gonna call?Try dialing M.It's easy... Read More

Self-Healing Basics

* The material presented in this article is provided for... Read More

Stress Management Shouldnt Create More Stress. 10 Ways To Reduce Unreasonable Stress and Boost Perf

We all know that stress levels in the workplace are... Read More

10 Ways to Benchmark Workplace Stress

With almost 50% of workers complaining that their jobs are... Read More

Stress Causing People to ?Super Size?

... Read More

Five Tips to De-stress Your Life

I recently received this e-mail message about stress management (author... Read More

Stress in the Workplace

Why are you so busy? Do you really have too... Read More

Hypnosis CDs - Relief from Stress

The number one most popular issue that users of a... Read More

Stress Management and Mastery: How to Learn from Mistakes

Q. I've been told that I need to learn from... Read More

Stress Management: The Power of a Day

I learned a valuable lesson recently. A short while ago,... Read More

Stress Management: How to Avoid the Ruts and Holes of Life

Have you ever noticed how we keep falling into the... Read More