Positive Parenting - Oops! I Really Lost My Temper With My Kids, What Now?

Ever blown your top to your children, only to regret it ten minutes later?

Silly question, it happens to us all no matter how well-behaved our kids or placid and patient we are. At times the general strains and stresses of life wear us down so our emotional responses don't match children's behaviours. Or rather, their less than perfect behaviour doesn't warrant the 'screaming banshee' response that you have provided.

So what do you do if you have blown your top and given your children an absolute verbal blast with steam coming out of both your ears?

First, check that your rare outburst of anger is just that ? rare. If you are always angry or over-reacting then this is a fair sign that all is not right with you. I don't want to state the bleeding obvious, but constant sudden outbursts of anger are a sign that all is not right with the world. It may mean taking a break, getting some additional help with your kids or even getting some professional counselling to sort out internal or relationship issues.

If your outburst is rare rather than pathological then the best response is to show your children that your are human and apologise. Put a little time between your outburst and your apology and consider giving an explanation. "Sorry about yelling at you guys. I have been working so hard lately. I guess I need a break."

No need to grovel, just reveal your human side to your family. Your children will take their cues from you and will more than likely talk on an emotional level if they see you go to the same space. Revealing your vulnerability gives children permission to reveal theirs.

It is a good anger management practice to check your own anger levels from time to time. When you know you are under stress and feel yourself about to blow your top- take a break, phone someone up (and vent your spleen, if possible), or just to count to 20 (or 100) before you blow your stack unnecessarily to your kids.

There is a place for parent anger in the discipline process ? as long as it is controlled. There are the times when children really need to know they have crossed a line and your whole voice and attitude needs to convey that a behaviour is unacceptable. Most parents will know the type of response I am referring to. The voice goes steely and the words come out purposefully. Eye contact is strong and body language is direct. The kids aren't frightened. They just know that that their mum or dad mean what they say! Gulp! It is the type of response that should be saved for times when children put each other down unmercilessly, or when they show gross disrespect to themselves, others or their environment.

We all want to steer clear from angry responses when we interact with those we love. But being human means that our behaviour doesn't always reach the lofty heights that we would like, and at times we lose our cool. So recognise the signs of pending anger and take steps to manage it, and if you do lose the plot, reveal your vulnerability and apologise. Nothing wrong with that!

Michael Grose is The Parent Coach. For seventeen years he has been helping parents deal with the rigours of raising kids and survive!! For information about Michael's Parent Coaching programs or just some fine advice and ideas to help you raise confident kids and resilient teenagers visit http://www.parentingideas.com.au

---

EEG Biofeedback as a Treatment for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder

In this form of treatment for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder... Read More

Top 10 Ways to Motivate Your Student

As the new school year begins, parents play a pivotal... Read More

Homeschooling ? Can I Do It?

Many parents would like to homeschool their children but are... Read More

The Courage to Be a Loving Parent

Most of us really don't like it when someone is... Read More

Bullies

Bullies are an ugly but very real part of childhood.... Read More

Starting School - What Age Should Children Begin School?

"What age should my child start school?"This is a common... Read More

Child Separation Anxiety: Does Your Child Have It?

If you are a parent, then more than likely you... Read More

The Seven Keys of Being a Father

Is there a fathering instinct?Celebrated child development expert Erik Erikson... Read More

The Importance of Fathers

There is no doubt that mothers play an all-important leading... Read More

What Do You Do When Your Child is Smarter than You?

We adopted our first child when he was three months... Read More

ZERO Tolerance: How Firm the Line?

A friend phoned her neighbor, complaining about the wafts of... Read More

How To Teach Your Children Social Skills

As our children grow, they will be going to schools... Read More

Diagnosing ADHD in Your Child, an Introduction

Everyone in a private practice setting who works with children... Read More

Child Safety at Home

Maintaining a safe home environment for your childrenAs adults and... Read More

Why Do People Have Kids?

Despite the theory that people have kids because they want... Read More

Co-sleeping, a personal story

When I was pregnant, we knew that we had some... Read More

Mommie Moments ? Taking Time For Yourself

Being a parent is a role that requires a large... Read More

Pick Your Fights With Your Teenager Wisely

I know as a single parent or even with 2... Read More

What Do You Teach Your Children About Money?

Whether we realize it or not we teach our children... Read More

Invented Spelling --- Another Alice-in-Wonderland Public-School Theory

As part of the whole-language (or "balanced") reading-instruction philosophy, many... Read More

The Three Best Alternative Treatments for ADHD

There are a LOT of alternative treatments for sale out... Read More

Diet Sodas And How They Can Affect Kids

Many of us have grown up drinking caffeinated diet sodas... Read More

More Water, Not Less, Will Help End Bedwetting

Children are notoriously bad at drinking enough liquids. They are... Read More

Sometimes Our Childrens Questions Answer Our Own

I was changing Ford's diaper the other day when he... Read More

Poker Parenting: 4 Ways Poker Skills Produce Parenting Thrills

Even as a busy parent, I'm sure you've seen a... Read More

Trip, Trip, Trip... Here Is Your Night Visitor Again!

Night Visits From Your ChildIn the middle of the night... Read More

The Graceful Art of Defrazzling - For Mothers

"I wipe my baby's chin with my college diploma and... Read More

Choosing Names For Twins

There are many reasons for treating your twins as individuals... Read More

Things To Teach Your Teenage Driver

Is it hard to communicate with your teenager about issues... Read More

No, No, No -- What Else is a Parent to Say?

The word no is probably the most overused word in... Read More

The Top 10 Tips on Hiring a Babysitter

1. Encourage your babysitter by keeping their favorite foods/snacks on... Read More

The Laid Back Parents Guide to Teaching Your Child to Read

At first I thought of titling this article "The Lazy... Read More

No Invitation Needed: Sacred Children Series - 3 of 3

I had my first two children on either side of... Read More