Teenagers Taking Risks

It can be hard being a parent with a teen going through what I term the 'I'm Invincible' phase. This is the phase when teens start doing scary and dangerous things (according to us parents) as a way of testing out their physical limits.

This is not surprising given that, at adolescence, teenagers are effectively given a 'new' body, one which has many improved features from that of their childhood body. It's no good as parents thinking we can tell them about the limits of this body; just as a toddler needs to work out for themselves how to balance to walk so a teen needs to work out for themselves how to use their changed body.

Pushing themselves that little bit further each time is necessary for the teen to find out what happens. They need to make mistakes so that they can self-adjust. They need to know just how fast, agile and strong their body is so they can use it appropriately in the future. Not knowing their own limits is potentially much more dangerous.

However some teens also use this phase to 'prove' themselves. In today's competitive society, teens have been brought up to want to be 'better' than someone else at something. For some teens this will be in the classroom, others on the sports field or through the performing arts but for some teens none of these avenues are available.

The only way they can prove themselves to be 'better' is through some daredevil type of physical activity, where they can show they are braver, can bear more pain or can think up some more elaborate plan. This is where these teens get their feelings of success, their sense of achievement, their sense of self-worth.

The 'I'm Invincible' phase is a crucial learning phase; it's all about taking risks and making judgements about risk. As parents, it's hard for us to let our teens take risks, we naturally want to protect them, but in attempting to protect them we are in reality often holding them back.

Taking risks is a necessary part of adult life; leaving one job for another, starting a business, asking someone out on a date all require a certain amount of risk. Although the risks in the 'I'm Invincible' phase are primarily based in the physical, they give a good foundation for taking risks in the emotional and cognitive realms in the future.

How to Handle the 'I'm Invincible' Phase

  • If at all possible, enrol your teen in a class or organisation where they can test their limits in a relatively safe environment eg sports, dance, scouts/guides, army/navy/air cadets.

  • For those that need to 'prove' themselves, give them chores that allow them to show off their new found physical strengths; re-think the chores they do to see if there are some more suited to their abilities. Receiving success, achievement and a sense of self-worth at home reduces the need to look for it elsewhere.

  • Use the language associated with 'I'm Invincible' to acknowledge your teen in day-to-day life. Words such as courage, brave, strong, determined, overcome, etc, can also be used to motivate your teen.

  • Examine your own fears; are your fears based on objective, rational information, or have they been exacerbated by other peoples' stories or news reports. Get the facts not the media hype.

  • Explain your fears to your teen by expressing concern over what others might do. If you express doubt in their abilities you will just make them more determined to prove you wrong. Eg "I don't want you riding your bike late at night because drivers are more likely to have accidents then" is much more readily received than "I don't want you riding your bike late at night because you might have an accident".

  • Do not use evidence of their mistakes to do 'I told you so'. Recognise mistakes as valuable learning, and then acknowledge the learning as you would any other type of learning.

    Carol Shepley has been involved with teenagers for over 10 years and, as the parent of a teen herself, fully understands the pressures placed on parents and teens today. She now shares this knowledge and experience through her website http://www.growingupmatters.com so that parents can help their teens become resilient, resourceful and responsible adults.

    In The News:

    • pen paper and inkwell


    cat break through


    Babys First Month at a Glance

    Congratulations on your new baby! You have just brought your... Read More

    Are Public Schools A Menace To Your Kids? -- 11 Danger Signals

    Parents, do you have children who do poorly in school,... Read More

    Helping Your Children Develop Their Self-Discipline

    We want our children to do the right thing, especially... Read More

    Teacher Tips: Your Room Set-Up and ADHD Students

    Thank you to all of our professional educators who dedicate... Read More

    The Cost of Competition on Kids

    The subject of competition is one that provokes some pretty... Read More

    How Is Peaceful Parenting® Different?

    Peaceful Parenting® ideas are very different from other kinds of... Read More

    School Days - Top 10 Tips for Establishing a Good Routine

    Teachers know that children thrive in an environment with routines,... Read More

    Public Schools Can Cripple Your Childrens Ability To Read

    For many adults, reading a book or newspaper seems effortless.... Read More

    Parenting Your Adolescent: 3 Powerful Steps to Being an In-Charge Parent

    Q. How do I overcome the 16-year-old who does things... Read More

    Helping Your Kid?s Grow a Garden

    Start some gardening traditions with your kids. Give them their... Read More

    Is Your Discipline Damaging the Spirit of the Child?

    If your parenting methods include abuse of any kind; physical,... Read More

    Advocating for Your Child with LD

    Advocate: you've probably heard the term before. But what does... Read More

    A Place For Everything: Its Childs Play

    What parent hasn't gone into a son's or daughter's room... Read More

    Building Teen Character: Part-Time Employment

    The teenage years are a crucial time in a child's... Read More

    Raising Happy Diabetic Kids Part III Help Your Child Develop Self-Control

    This is the third and final article in a series... Read More

    Child Separation Anxiety: Does Your Child Have It?

    If you are a parent, then more than likely you... Read More

    6 Ways to Communicate Clearly with Your Teen

    How would you like to have a closer relationship with... Read More

    How to Find The Best Time To Be With Your Kids

    "Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing... Read More

    Power Foods for a Powerful School Lunch

    There isn't a school day that goes by that I... Read More

    Kids and Sports: Fundamentals First

    Would you hand a child calculus problems once she was... Read More

    Maximizing Your ADHD Childs Performance in School.

    As a parent there are lots of things that you... Read More

    Your Checking Account

    Checking accounts are an absolute necessity these days. You can... Read More

    Gifted Children - Getting the Balance Right

    One of the challenges for parents with a gifted child... Read More

    Talk Your Child Clever

    Most parents can hardly wait for their baby to say... Read More

    Choosing Wooden Toys For Children

    Wooden toys are one of the best alternatives for the... Read More

    Uniforms

    Direct Answers - Column for the week of May 31,... Read More

    School Issues: When Should an ADHD Child Be Held Back In School?

    This can be a very complicated issue, so I don't... Read More

    A Man and His Baby

    When a couple steps forth with a baby in tow... Read More

    Teaching Preschool Color and Shapes with Family Games

    My kids just can't get enough of playing games with... Read More

    Tips for Keeping Packed Lunches Fun and Interesting

    ? Let the child choose his or her own lunch... Read More

    Stress is No Kiddy Matter

    Kids today no longer live the kind of privileged lives... Read More

    Marriages May End But Families Are Forever

    It was at that time when our marriage was falling... Read More

    Trip, Trip, Trip... Here Is Your Night Visitor Again!

    Night Visits From Your ChildIn the middle of the night... Read More