Teenagers Taking Risks

It can be hard being a parent with a teen going through what I term the 'I'm Invincible' phase. This is the phase when teens start doing scary and dangerous things (according to us parents) as a way of testing out their physical limits.

This is not surprising given that, at adolescence, teenagers are effectively given a 'new' body, one which has many improved features from that of their childhood body. It's no good as parents thinking we can tell them about the limits of this body; just as a toddler needs to work out for themselves how to balance to walk so a teen needs to work out for themselves how to use their changed body.

Pushing themselves that little bit further each time is necessary for the teen to find out what happens. They need to make mistakes so that they can self-adjust. They need to know just how fast, agile and strong their body is so they can use it appropriately in the future. Not knowing their own limits is potentially much more dangerous.

However some teens also use this phase to 'prove' themselves. In today's competitive society, teens have been brought up to want to be 'better' than someone else at something. For some teens this will be in the classroom, others on the sports field or through the performing arts but for some teens none of these avenues are available.

The only way they can prove themselves to be 'better' is through some daredevil type of physical activity, where they can show they are braver, can bear more pain or can think up some more elaborate plan. This is where these teens get their feelings of success, their sense of achievement, their sense of self-worth.

The 'I'm Invincible' phase is a crucial learning phase; it's all about taking risks and making judgements about risk. As parents, it's hard for us to let our teens take risks, we naturally want to protect them, but in attempting to protect them we are in reality often holding them back.

Taking risks is a necessary part of adult life; leaving one job for another, starting a business, asking someone out on a date all require a certain amount of risk. Although the risks in the 'I'm Invincible' phase are primarily based in the physical, they give a good foundation for taking risks in the emotional and cognitive realms in the future.

How to Handle the 'I'm Invincible' Phase

  • If at all possible, enrol your teen in a class or organisation where they can test their limits in a relatively safe environment eg sports, dance, scouts/guides, army/navy/air cadets.

  • For those that need to 'prove' themselves, give them chores that allow them to show off their new found physical strengths; re-think the chores they do to see if there are some more suited to their abilities. Receiving success, achievement and a sense of self-worth at home reduces the need to look for it elsewhere.

  • Use the language associated with 'I'm Invincible' to acknowledge your teen in day-to-day life. Words such as courage, brave, strong, determined, overcome, etc, can also be used to motivate your teen.

  • Examine your own fears; are your fears based on objective, rational information, or have they been exacerbated by other peoples' stories or news reports. Get the facts not the media hype.

  • Explain your fears to your teen by expressing concern over what others might do. If you express doubt in their abilities you will just make them more determined to prove you wrong. Eg "I don't want you riding your bike late at night because drivers are more likely to have accidents then" is much more readily received than "I don't want you riding your bike late at night because you might have an accident".

  • Do not use evidence of their mistakes to do 'I told you so'. Recognise mistakes as valuable learning, and then acknowledge the learning as you would any other type of learning.

    Carol Shepley has been involved with teenagers for over 10 years and, as the parent of a teen herself, fully understands the pressures placed on parents and teens today. She now shares this knowledge and experience through her website http://www.growingupmatters.com so that parents can help their teens become resilient, resourceful and responsible adults.

    In The News:

    • pen paper and inkwell


    cat break through


    Diaper Bags for Dads - Papas Got a Brand New Bag

    Today's dads are more hands-on than ever before and their... Read More

    How NOT to Motivate Your Children and Students

    Chaim Ginott was a schoolteacher whose ideas and observations helped... Read More

    A Good Preschool Idea

    The successful preschool idea behind many successful preschool learning centers... Read More

    Helping Your Kid?s Grow a Garden

    Start some gardening traditions with your kids. Give them their... Read More

    Old Wives Tales and Other Things That Just Might Help with ADHD

    Here are some tips that I have picked up from... Read More

    Normal and Logical Consequences

    Successful parents have learned to be both firm and kind... Read More

    Americas Public schools --- Deteriorating Like They Did In Ancient Rome

    The citizens of the early Roman Republic enjoyed an education... Read More

    Hair Care for Children

    Salon visits can be scary experiences for small children: They... Read More

    How To Potty Train In Two Days

    Ah, potty training! Go to a local bookseller and you... Read More

    How Can I Teach My Child Respect?

    A common theme over the past 20 years has been... Read More

    School Holiday Survival Guide

    The school holidays are a great time for the kids,... Read More

    Organizing a Car Wash Fundraiser

    The key to a successful car wash fundraiser event is... Read More

    Going Out to a Restaurant with Kids

    Dining in a restaurant with kids can be very enervating... Read More

    Positive Parenting - Oops! I Really Lost My Temper With My Kids, What Now?

    Ever blown your top to your children, only to regret... Read More

    Backpacks and Bullies. Is Your Child Prepared?

    As the flurry of Back to School activities subside, parents... Read More

    Medications: Addressing Parental Fears and Concerns

    Recently, a parent came to me, conflicted over whether to... Read More

    Is Your Discipline Damaging the Spirit of the Child?

    If your parenting methods include abuse of any kind; physical,... Read More

    How to Get a Good Diagnosis to See If Your Child Has ADHD

    Your child's teacher says that you need to find out... Read More

    Saying No To Our Children

    Saying no to our children is not always easy or... Read More

    Top Three Reasons To Get Involved At Your Childs School

    You may think once your child has gone off to... Read More

    To Test or Not To Test - That Is the Question

    Little Suzy has really been having a hard time getting... Read More

    Educational Toys - How Do Parents Choose The Best Toys For Their Child

    The choices are mind numbing. Walk into any toy store... Read More

    Invented Spelling --- Another Alice-in-Wonderland Public-School Theory

    As part of the whole-language (or "balanced") reading-instruction philosophy, many... Read More

    The Real Dangers to Kids Online and How to Avoid Them: Top 5 Internet Safety Tips

    The Real Dangers to Kids Online and How to Avoid... Read More

    15 New Years and Holiday Resolutions For Parents

    Have you made your usual New Year resolutions? You know... Read More

    Marriage, Divorce, and Kids

    Are men to blame for the divorce problem in this... Read More

    Guerilla Parenting Techniques: What Are They?

    When you hear the phrase, 'guerrilla parenting techniques', what images... Read More

    Working Moms vs. Stay-at-Home Moms, Lets Stop Debating Each Other and Debate the System Instead!

    I could nearly fund my children's future education if I... Read More

    Helpful Tips for the Adoptive Grandparent

    Few things are more completely enjoyable than becoming a grandparent.... Read More

    God Dont Like Rich People

    I will never forget the day that my daughter's sixth... Read More

    The Family Guy - Parenting From a Single Dads Perspective

    It was a hot summer day in august and The... Read More

    Parents Complaints --- Arrogant Public Schools Turn a Deaf Ear

    School authorities continually claim that they want more parent cooperation... Read More

    Child Discipline - Be Consistent With Your Child

    The biggest complaint you hear from parents about their children... Read More