I hated Kyle Sisk*. A notorious bully, Kyle punctuated my grade school years with misery. He would tease me about my weight, purposely rattle me with shocking language, delight in making me look foolish at every opportunity. Kyle had scary, penetrating eyes and sharp, jagged teeth that looked, appropriately, like fangs. He even had his own evil henchman named Eddie who would follow him everywhere, laughing a conspiratorial little laugh asking, "Heh, heh, what are we going to do next, Kyle? Heh, heh." (All Eddie was missing was a hump.) A typical encounter was the time I was walking home from school and Kyle and Eddie pounced from behind some bushes, grabbed my books and threw them in the mud. Even worse, they snatched my precious, brand new little purse and threw it into the branches of a tree, far out of reach. They then ran off cackling in triumph. I, purseless, limped home in tears.
A Sad Reprieve
This type of treatment continued all through grade school. I enjoyed the respite of summertime before we started at our new junior high school but September came and with it, my sense of dread at seeing Kyle again. I was given a reprieve, but an unwelcome one. That first week of school, my father died suddenly of a massive heart attack. I stayed home from school for about a week for the funeral and family visits. My first day back, the teachers wanted to take it easy on me so they gave me the coveted duty of going to each classroom and placing the absentee list on each teacher's desk. I felt special to be excused from class and was enjoying my rounds when I came to Mr. Lester's science class. I entered the room and my heart stopped. There, sitting right next to Mr. Lester's desk was Evil Incarnate himself, Kyle. There was no avoiding him--he had seen me come in--so I braced myself for whatever abuse he was no doubt preparing, but as I got closer I noticed that he didn't have his usual smug expression. He was looking down at his desk sheepishly. Very odd. As I lay the paper on the teacher's desk, Kyle looked up at me with big, soft eyes and in a timid, tentative voice said, "I'm sorry your old man croaked."
A State of Shock
I was stunned. Not from the inelegance of the sentiment, but rather from the realization that Kyle-even KYLE-had the capacity to feel and express compassion. "I'm sorry your old man croaked" wasn't exactly poetic, but to me it was the sweetest expression of kindness I had ever heard. It was in that moment that I realized that everyone, no matter how intimidating, has good in there somewhere.
A Lesson for Speaking
I think we need to remember this when we speak to our audiences. We look out and see grumpy frowns or intimidating scowls but even those listeners have hearts and the potential to connect with us. We might not be able to connect right away--maybe not ever--but just about everyone has that basic human spark of goodness through which we all connect. Besides, you've heard the old saying, "Behind every jerk is a sad story." We need to remember that the most intimidating, obnoxious audience members you will ever face most likely got to be that way because of pain. Looking back, Kyle's bullying no doubt stemmed from his miserable home life. His lashing out at me on the schoolyard is not much different than the heckler at a comedy club or a nit-picking critic at a presentation. Frustration, disappointment, powerlessness-they all lead to acting out, and as speakers we're sometimes on the receiving end. But no matter how bad the behavior, those difficult listeners in your audience still have the capacity to support you.
I think we can foster their humanness by being the first to reach out in a spirit of openness and service. When we speak to serve, with a genuine desire to do good for our listeners, we increase the likelihood that their negative energy will diminish in favor of a positive connection. There's no guarantee that they will reach back to support us, and they may even keep up their offensive behavior, but let's at least allow for the possibility that they might not be as evil as we think.
*Name has been changed to protect privacy
About The Author
Melissa Lewis turns traditional thinking about public speaking upside down to give people more comfort, confidence and charisma in front of groups. She is a former comic actress, a certified facilitator of SPEAKING CIRCLES( , president-elect of the National Speakers Association Kansas City Chapter and author of the soon-to-be-released book, Upside Down Speaking. For more information call (913) 341-1241 or visit www.upsidedownspeaking.com.
melissa@upsidedownspeaking.com
My grandfather used to speak of the days when people... Read More
He grew up in Brooklyn, the son of an ex-con... Read More
Life on our planet flourishes through feedback. If life forms... Read More
DESCRIPTION CMOE's Leadership Skill Training addresses a wide range of... Read More
There lives within every individual a power, an energy, an... Read More
We have all experienced walls or challenges in our work... Read More
A number of years ago we created a graphic logo... Read More
Some think that everything is black and white. I'm beginning... Read More
A poem hangs on the wall at Mother Theresa's orphanage... Read More
Today I stood up to a guy right in front... Read More
Have you ever considered that everything you want in life... Read More
Leadership is what every organization needs and so few have... Read More
Did you know that people who lead strategically resemble fine-tuned... Read More
It's a common occurrence, a CEO leads a company to... Read More
1. The Law of Authoritarian StyleAuthoritarian leaders lead by control... Read More
An organization of any size, from the family to the... Read More
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our... Read More
Leadership is motivational or it's stumbling in the dark. After... Read More
You've heard of the Peter Principle: "People are promoted to... Read More
Although world business is undergoing historic changes, the prevailing view... Read More
Would you like to know what really goes on inside... Read More
J. Paul Getty planned to enter the U.S. Diplomatic Service,... Read More
People respond to good leadership! Period! It is in all... Read More
No matter what role you play in your company, becoming... Read More
[Abounding Abundant Ample Ways To Boost Your Growth!] This may... Read More
Many people are interested in the characteristics of a great... Read More
Have you ever wondered what type of person or personality... Read More
I was invited to do a Leadership workshop at a... Read More
In the hit comedic movie Groundhog Day, Bill Murray's character,... Read More
The hologram is a three-dimensional photograph made on a flat... Read More
In Part One, I described the importance of establishing deep,... Read More
"Leaders are born, not made." Right? Let me ask you... Read More
There is too much learning out there that we earn... Read More
1. The West Point Way of Leadership.GREAT book by a... Read More
Great leadership is timeless, always in vogue. The world has... Read More
As a hypnotherapist I specialise in helping people to develop... Read More
Purpose: Learn immediately if you are fostering leadership or ignoring... Read More
As a whole we spend a lot of time filling... Read More
Last week, as I was standing in the checkout line... Read More
"We should not only use all the brains we have,... Read More
Perhaps noted as one of the greatest United States presidents... Read More
Here's a really simple way to measure the strength of... Read More
"The only way to enjoy anything in this life, is... Read More
(Excerpted from the Jim Rohn Sampler single CD)My first mentor,... Read More
A good strong example of a family leader would be... Read More
Who needs a mentor. . .everyone who is truly serious... Read More
All of us join professional organizations for a reason--a friend... Read More
Effective leaders are comfortable with paradox. They can call on... Read More
Personal attacks hurt people, mar communication, and end creativity. If... Read More
Which one is a goal? I will lose 15... Read More
SEE INTO THE FUTURE CREATIVELY AND PRACTICALITY: Planning day-to-day is... Read More
95% of Workers Fail Because of This...But They Can Fix... Read More
Chances are if you're interested in this post, you're looking... Read More
In the Wall Street Journal, Franklin Lavin, U.S. Ambassabor to... Read More
You've heard of the Peter Principle: "People are promoted to... Read More
Each and every one of you has hidden deep inside... Read More
We pay a high price for perfectionism. "What perfectionism?" we... Read More
Some think that everything is black and white. I'm beginning... Read More
There are two streams of competitiveness running through every organization.... Read More
In today's highly competitive world, there is a lot of... Read More
As a leader, you do nothing more important than get... Read More
I have been looking for answers to what it takes... Read More
A Lasting Leadership Lesson: How One Leadership Talk By George... Read More
Identity CrisisIt's not only the knowledge you carry around in... Read More
When it comes to fishing, my husband takes the lead.... Read More
In an article discussing the need for innovative products and... Read More
Leadership |