If we were to organize a list of the thorniest problems for the bereaved, certainly somewhere near the top would be the question of miracles. Everybody has heard anecdotal stories of certain people who have suffered incredible, life-threatening injuries or illness, but who have somehow recovered against all odds. A woman who has been in a coma for two years suddenly hears her husband's voice and awakens. A teenage victim of an automobile accident who was reportedly given no hope of recovery finally responds to the unwavering faith and persistent attention of a loving mother...and on it goes.
Depending on who's doing the reporting, the stories can range from inspirational to downright incredible! They demand our attention from the front pages of our daily newspapers or on our TV screens and they are recorded in detail in countless books and magazines. But it is because of their rarity that these stories are so prominent. Those of us whose loved ones died occupy by far the more populous arenas.
Make no mistake here. No one is happier for these victims and their families than the bereaved. The grief-stricken whose outcome was not so positive know only too well the pain and suffering that these families have been spared. We really do rejoice with them in their victories. We also, however, have to wonder if they ever take into consideration that the cavalier accounting of their experiences can be like an arrow through our hearts?
When we are exposed to the gospel of someone who by all rights should have died, but didn't, we are often told that it was prayer or faith or enormous self-discipline on the part of a loved one that "pulled them back." It's not that we question their faith or their determination, we're just wondering why it didn't work for us, too. We wonder why it feels like we failed-or worse, as if God just didn't care about us. (Lots of times, I think we're mad at God when our arrows should really be pointed at some of the people who need a little more education, and maybe some manners.)
We loved, too; we cared, prayed, talked, sang, read and stood by with vigilance while the lives of our loved ones slipped away from us. "Did God love us less?" we ask. "Was there even a moment when our attention was elsewhere, and it shouldn't have been?" We torture ourselves with the inquisition of guilt, regret and remorse. Our muscles turn to jelly, and tears fill our eyes as we replay in our minds the scenarios of agony that have slipped beyond our earthly grasp. We stumble around the "what ifs" and "if onlys"-sometimes for the rest of our days.
Though our faith may tell us that we're just as valuable to God as anybody else, we're tangled up in our feelings. Grief hurts so much anyway, and if we add spiritual failure, it becomes nearly unbearable.
Miracles are just that, miracles. They do not happen casually or often; if they did, they wouldn't be miracles. Their purpose is to alert us to God's message, not to call attention to man's skill or power. They were not meant to make us defeated or discouraged because they didn't happen to us or to those we love.
When Jesus called Lazarus forth from the grave, He said, "Lazarus, come forth." It has been suggested that had He not said Lazarus' name, all the deceased would have been raised! There were surely people in the area who either witnessed this incredible event or heard about it later. They had to wonder why not their loved ones, too? We don't know all the reasons or answers to that, but we do know one thing: Lazarus and all the "resurrected" like him still had to die again, sometime.
So, it would seem kinder if the temporarily "lucky" would try to refrain from sounding too pious and judgmental. They may yet have to stand in the shoes of sorrow.
Personally, I believe that our loved ones who died got the big hurdle out of the way. It looks like they got the real miracle!
Good Grief Resources (http://www.goodgriefresources.com) was conceived and founded by Andrea Gambill whose 17-year-old daughter died in 1976. Almost thirty years of experience in leading grief support gropus, writing, editing, and founding a national grief-support magazine has provided valuable insights into the unique needs of the bereaved and their caregivers and wide access to many excellent resources. The primary goal of Good Grief Resources is to connect the bereaved and their caregivers with as many bereavement support resources as possible in one, efficient and easy-to-use website directory.
When I was born in 1962 I thought life was... Read More
"Dad, I tried to wake Nana, I think she's dead."... Read More
New Tears [about Grieving]If it rains or shinesLittle does it... Read More
September 11th changed America and chances are it changed you.... Read More
We all experience severe heart break at some time in... Read More
The loss of a loved one. It is often difficult... Read More
Shortly after noon, I went into Arlyn's bedroom to get... Read More
Over one hundred years ago, during the Victorian era, death... Read More
Although many of us carry some form of emotional trauma... Read More
The delight lit my face as the couple turned the... Read More
Over the years, I've heard many people voice their concerns... Read More
Remembering someone special in a personal way can be healing... Read More
It felt like I had been run over by a... Read More
The well-known pioneer researcher Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross identified five states... Read More
Like it or not, we think in line with our... Read More
You will often hear that grief and loss bring couples... Read More
When a friend or loved one is grieving, it is... Read More
There are many different kinds of losses we can experience... Read More
Helpers often ask questions such as: "What should I do?... Read More
If tears are an indication of how special my relationship... Read More
Life has always been a journey, a journey of finding... Read More
Dedicated to my mother, FlorenceNovember 11, 1920 ? May 25,... Read More
I am 23 years old. I come from a large... Read More
September 11, 2001, marked yet another significant turning point in... Read More
Suicide is a nightmare for survivors of loved ones. Death... Read More
Not long after Arlyn died, my husband and I decided... Read More
The following is a report that indicates how you might... Read More
Consumed by my loss, I didn't notice the hardness of... Read More
1) Don't try to make the grieving person feel better.... Read More
Justin was a typical ten year old boy. He liked... Read More
With my father, his brother and their father having had... Read More
Coping with the death of a loved one is never... Read More
It's a familiar story, and I have been through it... Read More
There is only one place where tragedy occurs, and that... Read More
I've always waited for the perfect moment to be happy:... Read More
Suicide is a nightmare for survivors of loved ones. Death... Read More
Everyday, I look in the mirror to see the face... Read More
"Dad, I tried to wake Nana, I think she's dead."... Read More
I believe that major change and loss in our lives... Read More
New Tears [about Grieving]If it rains or shinesLittle does it... Read More
Never, since man has walked upright, have people all over... Read More
WHAT I LEARNED FROM POPE JOHN PAUL II ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I am... Read More
I know anticipatory grief - a feeling of loss before... Read More
Anticipatory grief is the name given to the mix of... Read More
There is so much emphasis on emotional intelligence these days... Read More
Coping with the death of a loved one is never... Read More
No one likes to think about illness and death, when... Read More
We all experience severe heart break at some time in... Read More
Dedicated to my mother, FlorenceNovember 11, 1920 ? May 25,... Read More
Guilty, Your Honor, I whisper.Have you ever done anything so... Read More
The well-known pioneer researcher Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross identified five states... Read More
With my father, his brother and their father having had... Read More
I didn't know a heart could die before it stopped... Read More
What is it about Grief & Loss that upsets us... Read More
You will often hear that grief and loss bring couples... Read More
Do you spend most of your time inside or outside... Read More
Helpers often ask questions such as: "What should I do?... Read More
It is one thing to be free; it is quite... Read More
For most children, their first experience with grief comes with... Read More
Shortly after noon, I went into Arlyn's bedroom to get... Read More
Not long after Arlyn died, my husband and I decided... Read More
The impatient tooting of a car horn startled us into... Read More
Silent tears hit hospital-white sheets. The young Pakistani mother holds... Read More
Suicide strikes...AGAIN!This may wind up being the most important article... Read More
The question of whether, say, a man should have the... Read More
Too many people are dying alone?The dying are one of... Read More
Dealing with Grief & Loss |