A few months ago, I set out to lose 22.6 pounds, then to put back on at least half of it.
Huh? Anybody who's ever found herself stuck on a yo-yo diet is probably thinking that I am either crazy or planning way too hard for the inevitable yo-yo heartaches. However, my plan is more sneaky than that.
First, I want to lose this rubber tire I've been carrying around my waist. Have you ever gotten stuck inside a rubber tire? It's not a pretty site.
Then, I want to put back some of that weight in the form of muscle. It's my grand master plan to change my shape from looking like a silly pear to looking like an upside down silly pear.
Will it work?
I think I have the "silly" part figured out. And so far, I have lost14.6 pounds, but I think I really lost a few more, because I have been getting ahead of schedule on adding those muscle pounds.
I would love to tell you what my weight is now, but that's very private information. Why should it be so private? I am not 100% certain, but I believe it is so that people can easily move between Earth and the Moon without being detected by hidden scales. (Why people keep their age private is the subject of my column on aging gracefully at http://www.thehappyguy.com/aging-gracefully.html .)
While there is more to healthy dieting than a few tips, these ten dieting tips should help you laugh away a few pounds (What a great way to lose!). Hint: the tips are serious; the explanations are not.
Tip #1: Never eat before bed. This is just common sense. It is so much more fun to eat IN bed.
Tip #2: Bake, don't fry. This is also common sense. Baking allows you to retain more friendships. When you bake in the sun, you get a nice tan and go for a dip in the pool to cool off with your friends. But when you fry, you get a sunburn and don't dare go in the shower for a week...which scares your friends away.
Tip #3: Drink plenty of water before meals. This will help you eat less during the meal. After all, few people can over-eat consistently while rushing off to the bathroom.
Tip #4: Don't taste-test while you cook. Many cooks taste their dishes several times while cooking to make sure the flavor is just right. Over a lifetime, the typical cook who takes such measures will put on 13.4 pounds. Worse still, tasting your cooking in advance deprives you of entertaining facial scrunches when your family tastes your untested recipes. (Remember that laughter is a great way to burn calories?)
Tip #5: Don't eat what your kids leave behind. Admit it, after your kids leave the table, you gather up the food they leave behind. You just can't bear to throw it away because you know that it's enough to feed a small, famished African country. So you eat a "second supper" out of guilt. How can you be so heartless?! Send the leftover food to that small, famished African country.
Tip #6: Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are not all that bad for you, if you eat them in moderation. But stay away from those dreaded peanut butter and jellyfish sandwiches.
Tip #7: Blot your pizza to remove 17% of the saturate fats. If you blot it really well, you can remove 100%. Of course, an empty plate might require a spicier sauce...
Tip #8: No snacking in front of the TV. Get up. Right now. No snacking in front of my TV. I don't want crumbs on my living room carpet.
Tip #9: Schedule your exercise. It's true, if you don't schedule it, your exercise will get pushed aside by things you do schedule. I suggest scheduling it during office meetings, dental appointments and reality TV shows. You wouldn't want to miss anything important, would you?
Tip #10: This is a good one. Why, because #10 on any top-ten list is always a good one. Ten is a great number. So tip #10 is to celebrate every ten pounds lost by preparing a triple chocolate double-dip cheesecake supreme ice cream parfait deluxe. Go ahead and drool. You deserve it. And if you think preparing it is fun, just wait until you lose another 50 pounds ... and have permission to actually eat it.
I hope these tips help you. On a serious note, most people will lose a significant amount of weight if they follow these ten tips along with watching their calories according to any popular healthy dieting plan. Well...almost. You might not want to follow tip #6. You will probably lose fewer pounds eating jelly than you would eating jellyfish.
About The Author
David Leonhardt writes about happy thoughts at http://www.TheHappyGuy.com , positive thinking at http://www.TheHappyGuy.com/positive-thinking-free-ezine.html and tearing down your house at http://www.thehappyguy.com/home-improvement-project.html ... so why not write about dieting?
The percentage of Americans who are overweight and obese is... Read More
I personal lost 60 pounds in 2003. Here are some... Read More
Healthy living begins with healthy eating and healthy eating begins... Read More
I am Greg Ryan, a high profile fitness expert with... Read More
All the weight control experts recommend keeping a record of... Read More
I had some questions come in about Ephedra. So I... Read More
Adverse Events with Volumetrics Dr. Barbara Rolls is a well... Read More
ObesityToday, 64.5 percent of adult Americans (about 127 million) are... Read More
Permanent Weight loss is not about Diet. If you are... Read More
What do you think of the hundreds of weight loss... Read More
How to Break the Weighing HabitFace it, if you weigh... Read More
How many of your New Year's resolution start out with... Read More
Cellulite happens to us for many reasons. Some reasons-- like... Read More
Is a weight loss workout routine right for you? Answer... Read More
Are you or your family members amongst the 65%?To help... Read More
The Sour Truth -------------------------- Question: I had a baby 6... Read More
Breaking Down Cravings One at a TimeI know you've heard... Read More
"How do I lose 5 kg or 30 kg?""How do... Read More
Digestion is a chemical process. Our body combines different types... Read More
The low carb diet craze has become extremely popular amongst... Read More
Finding the clinic that performs liposuctions in Newport Beach is... Read More
With summer completed and school back in session, it'll be... Read More
Dealing with your sweet-tooth can be one of the greatest... Read More
The rediscovery of the wealth of the wonder drug Hoodia... Read More
There are many books and internet articles written about weight... Read More
MYTH: Fad diets work for permanent weight loss.FACT: Fad diets... Read More
A common claim from gastric bypass detractors is that after... Read More
Looking for Diet Programs on net is like looking for... Read More
Weight loss specialists will tell you that attitude has a... Read More
You have been on diets before. You probably have lost... Read More
Success stories on the gastric bypass are everywhere, but how... Read More
With the rise of obesity and the increasing incidence of... Read More
At around £350 pounds a treatment, Lipo-Dissolve the so called... Read More
A really easy, fast way to weight loss is walking... Read More
There are several theories on the origins of Valentine's Day.... Read More
WAHOO!!! for YOU!! You are the most AWESOME person alive!!... Read More
Why has Phentermine stopped helping me lose weight?Many people are... Read More
America's Obesity EpidemicAs the numbers of overweight Americans continue to... Read More
With summer completed and school back in session, it'll be... Read More
The best way to lose weight is by consuming fewer... Read More
Are you feeling down and out? Do you feel even... Read More
It's always great to find a protein supplement with very... Read More
Diet PillsTaking diet pills is definitely not an effective weight... Read More
Breaking Down Cravings One at a TimeI know you've heard... Read More
Have you been on a new diet for a couple... Read More
The problem isn't that you don't have enough will power... Read More
If you have been watching your weight all year, you... Read More
Understanding the theory of adaptation (see previous article, Adaptation I)... Read More
The chemistry sounds very straightforward. Human body fat is a... Read More
Humanity is always in search of a wonder drug that... Read More
There is no such thing as spot reducing. Any fat... Read More
Just the facts on bodybuilding weightloss strategies that work. No... Read More
For the person who wants to shed a few pounds... Read More
Let me ask you a personal question. As you read... Read More
Do you compete in sports for weight loss or fat... Read More
It's one thing to stick with your diet regimen when... Read More
Do you struggle to maintain or lose weight? If so,... Read More
RISING POPULARITYGastric bypass surgery has become a popular surgical procedure... Read More
This little known secret has been used by bodybuilders for... Read More
Weight loss can be a difficult goal to achieve. Some... Read More
Food cravings can be triggered by various things including low... Read More
Good health is all too easily taken for granted until... Read More
Repeat a lie often enough and people take it as... Read More
Any dietary plan on the market has some portion of... Read More
Franchised Business Models and American Diets could be at odds.... Read More
· Can you give me an exercise that will get... Read More
Weight Loss |