The Official Parenting Cheesecake Recipe

Whoever writes all those fancy cookbooks has never been a parent. To begin with, the pages are never spill-proof, almost guaranteeing that somewhere in the middle of mixing ingredients, a spill will cover the remaining two ingredients listed. This means that parents must learn to improvise.

Some would suggest that the very thrill of cooking is experimentation. So what's the big difference between oregano and cayenne pepper, anyway?

Then there are all those "quick" recipes to "serve your family" gracing the pages of women's magazines. NO recipe is quick with Little Helper's assistance.

For the benefit of parents everywhere, I have taken my favorite cheesecake recipe and translated it into parentease. The non-parent version is available in Cooking By The Book -- a free bonus I offer with every purchase of The Get Happy Workbook at http://thehappyguy.com/happiness-workbook.html .

Harvest Pumpkin Pie Cheesecake (Parent Version)

Mix one cup of ginger snap cookie crumbs and one tablespoon of olive oil. Add more cookie crumbs to make up for the ones that disappeared about the same time your Little Helper walked into the kitchen.

Press the crumby oil mixture ... "Sorry, Little Helper distracted me." Press the oily crumb mixture into the bottom of a 9-inch spring-form pan, and up around the edges about one inch. Put it in the refrigerator to cool ? best to slip it in safely behind the broccoli and that thing that's been turning blue for three weeks in case Little Helper gets inspired

Soften three bricks of cream cheese, ideally in the microwave. If you can't separate the cheese from Little Helper's hands, let her keep doing what she's doing until the cheese is good and soft. Cream the cheese with one and a half cups of pureed pumpkin, three large eggs, two tablespoons of cream, and one cup of brown sugar. Keep mixing until creamy.

Add one teaspoon of vanilla extract. If you are fortunate enough to have help at this stage, you have three options:

  • Rename it " Harvest Pumpkin and Vanilla Cheesecake".

  • Try scooping out the extra cup of vanilla Little Helper poured in for you.

  • Start over.

    You will also need to add a tablespoon of cinnamon. If Little Helper is in a generous mood, don't worry. You still have three options:

  • Rename it " Harvest Pumpkin and Cinnamon Cheesecake".

  • Try scooping out the extra pile of cinnamon Little Helper poured in for you.

  • Bang your head against the counter and start over.

    There is also a tablespoon of ground ginger to add. Sorry about that. Don't worry, you still have three options...again:

  • Rename it " Harvest Pumpkin and Ginger Cheesecake".

  • Scoop out as best you can the extra heap of ginger Little Helper added for you.

  • Bang your head twice on the counter and start over.

    I almost hate to mention this, but you'll need to add a teaspoon of ground nutmeg. And a half teaspoon of salt. And a half teaspoon of allspice. Go ahead and bang your head some more if it makes you feel better.

    Fortunately, there is a parental failsafe. It is sort of like a "get out of jail free card". Look in the bowl. Observe the quantity of creamy things. Observe the quantity of spicy things.

    If the quantity of creamy things is even slightly greater than the quantity of spicy things, keep going and pretend you didn't have any help. Maybe nobody will notice. If the quantity of spicy things is greater than the quantity of creamy things, open another can of pureed pumpkin. Keep adding cans of pureed pumpkin until creamy things are greater than spicy things -- or until your grocer runs out of cans.

    Pour the filling into the crust. Note, if you had to add too many cans of pureed pumpkin, this could get messy. I recommend hip-waders...especially for Little Helper.

    Cook at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for about 50 minutes or until the top is slightly brown and almost as cracked as your head and the counter. Do NOT let Little Helper eat the cake while it is still in the oven.

    Let it air cool in a safe place -- like at a neighbor's house -- then refrigerate overnight

    Just before serving, top with whipped cream and sprinkle with pecans. Oops. I just wrote that last line in non-parentease. It should read: "Now that the whipped cream is polished off, shake the remaining sprinkles on the cake. Unless Little Helper ate them, too.

    Now you can sit down and enjoy your Harvest Pumpkin Pie Cheesecake (Parent Version). Oh yes, don't forget to laminate this page to avoid more impromptu experimentation in the future.

    About The Author

    The author is David Leonhardt. Sign up for his weekly satire column up at http://TheHappyGuy.com/positive-thinking-free-ezine.html or read more columns at http://TheHappyGuy.com

    info@thehappyguy.com

    In The News:


  • pen paper and inkwell


    cat break through


    Easy, Tasty Chicken Wing Recipes

    You can serve chicken wings hot or cold, for a... Read More

    Do You Know How Many Ways There Are To Eat A Cat Head Biscuit?

    A time honored Southern tradition, the infamous "Cat Head" biscuit... Read More

    Easy Holiday Quick Bread Recipes

    Quick breads are a quick, easy accompaniment to any holiday... Read More

    The Perfect First Date Meal For The Culinary Illiterate

    The Microwave Generation of the 1990's has now finished school... Read More

    Nutritious Chocolate Recipes

    Are you eating enough fruit lately? How about chocolate? Well,... Read More

    How I Made Flourless Peanut Butter Cookies In Simple, Super Easy Steps

    I was sitting there watching one of my favorite tv... Read More

    Fun & Fruity Recipes

    Sometimes the easiest way to get children to eat healthy... Read More

    A Scone Recipe for Dinner or Lunch

    There are two ways to pronounce scone. "Skon" in England... Read More

    Vegetarian Gourmet----Meatless Makeovers

    Three years ago I decided to go "meatless." It wasn't... Read More

    Weight Loss Recipe: Veal Mango

    Just because you are watching your weight does not mean... Read More

    Grilled Scallops with Ginger-Lime Sauce

    Summer time is great for barbequing, but aren't you tired... Read More

    A Pease Journey

    Remnants of dried peas were found in Egyptian tombs. Hot... Read More

    School Lunches the Frugal Way!

    It seems that school starts earlier every year. So it's... Read More

    Weight Loss Recipe: Fish In Orange Sauce

    Lean protein is your diet is essential to weight loss... Read More

    Farm To Market Days

    Summer may begin in June but, for many parts of... Read More

    Summer Basil Pasta Salad

    With the long hot days of summer, you will find... Read More

    Low Fat French Toast

    French toast was one of my favorite breakfast foods when... Read More

    Mexican Recipes ? World Class Dishes In Your Kitchen!

    Here are two **Must Try** Mexican recipes! They are HOT,... Read More

    Making Whoopie!

    Whoopie Pies that is! Other known as "Moon Cakes"Wicked WhoopiesAmy... Read More

    Recipe: Chocolate Modeling Clay

    Ingredients:6 oz. chocolate chips5 teaspoons corn syrup1 gallon size zip-top... Read More

    Prime Rib Cooking Times

    As you look over a couple of prime rib recipes... Read More

    Weight Loss Recipe: Apricot Chicken

    Just because you are watching your weight, doesn't mean the... Read More

    Famous Secret Recipes Exposed!: Rosemary Chicken with Orange-Maple Glaze

    Prep Time: 5 Minutes Cook Time: 30 Minutes Ready In:... Read More

    Finding Delicious Cookie Recipes

    Many of us have an inner baker inside us that... Read More

    The Ultimate Chocolate Chip Cookie Experience

    Just about everyone loves freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. Many... Read More

    Ediths Cake That Thrilled the French

    Twenty-three chefs who cooked for world royalty and heads of... Read More

    Mays Featured Holidays and Recipes

    There are three great days in the month of May... Read More

    How to Make a Delicious German Crumble Cake in 4 Simple Steps

    In high school, learning a new recipe (especially dessert recipes)... Read More

    How to Make a Seductive Chili

    Dedicated Chili cooks always seem to be looking for an... Read More

    Low Fat Pasta: Why and How to Make it.

    Making your own pasta is not difficult. It's actually very... Read More

    Wonderful Holiday Recipe Ideas

    The Holiday Season is upon us and soon we will... Read More

    Low Fat, Low Carb Baked Tortilla Chip with a Mango Salsa Dressing

    Many low fat low cholesterol recipes are usually bland and... Read More

    How to Make a Tantalizing White Lightening Chili

    Chili cooks always want to discover that award-winning chili recipe... Read More