Establishing Trust in Grief Management Groups

Trust is the basis of all human relationships. Trust can be thought of as a tool that can measure the positive and negative nature of a relationship. The more positive one feels about others in the group, the more likely they are to share feelings, thoughts, ideas and suggestions. Those persons who cannot trust others in the group at even a basis level will have great difficulty functioning in the group.

Trusting the Facilitator and other group members with their fears, dreams, and feelings is not easy to do and should be understood as such. Just as when we were infants, our trust in others builds as we learn through experience that others will be accepting of us. The more we are exposed to positive trust experiences, the more trust in others will develop.

Therefore, it is incumbent upon the Facilitator to encourage an environment of trust at all sessions. If the trust bond cannot be developed or is abused in any way, the group will dissolve itself. Participants absolutely must feel that all their feelings and thoughts are accepted non-judgmentally.

The building of a trusting attitude goes hand-in-hand with the development of positive self-esteem, a key goal in grief management groups.

Imagine a young woman on a tropical beach dressed in heavy winter clothing. As the sun comes up in the morning, she begins to get warm and takes off her muffler and gloves and feels better. The sun continues to shine and the young lady sheds more of her heavy clothing. Each time she gets rid of a layer of protective clothing, she feels more comfortable, more in tune with her environment. If the weather changes and it gets cold again, the woman can put on a layer of clothing for protections.

So it is when we learn to trust others with our pains, our fears, and our sense of helplessness. There is a period of time in every group when each member begins to peel off layers of protection in response to the growing warm feelings in the group. But, as each participant shed his or her ego protective coats they become more vulnerable to hurt or betrayal. facilitators must be aware of this and put forth every effort to not tolerate abuse of any kind to exist within the group..

I have found that in most grief groups there are periods of pulling away and periods of growing closer within the group. Capitalizing on these moments is essential for helping members learn about themselves, particularly in those areas where they appear to be most sensitive. Feelings of insecurity often indicate areas of our personal lives in which trust has been betrayed or about which we feel negatively. Taking the risk to trust sharing feelings about painful issues is often scary, but with big risks come big gains.

As adults, we learn to trust through observation, experience and self-awareness. Each group member earns each other's trust by exhibiting trust worthy behaviors and communications. We help participants to understand that two people can experience a death of a loved one in much the same way and yet have very different responses. In order for trust to grow, these different perspectives must be acknowledged and accepted even if not understood. It is the Facilitators duty to ensure that this happen.

All human beings tend to trust the people with whom we feel secure. When we know we can be ourselves and say what we really think and feel without repercussions our trust builds. A requirement to walk on eggs is a metaphor for the fragility of that security. If a griever feels insecure in being able to express him or herself or feel that there are some things he/she cannot say in the group for fear of attack or repercussions, he or she will shut down and probably not be back to the group.

It takes time to develop trust in others, especially for people who have been hurt by the loss of their loved ones. When group members can trust the Facilitator to protect them from hurt or ridicule from others in the group, they will share and be open to grow beyond the limitations imposed by their loss. They will let their guard down and open their hearts to group bonding and healing.

This trust and mutual vulnerability forms the very foundation of grief management groups.

Rev. Saundra L. Washington, D.D., is an ordained clergywoman, veteran social worker, and Founder of AMEN Ministries. http://www.clergyservices4u.org. She is also the author of two coffee table books: Room Beneath the Snow: Poems that Preach and Negative Disturbances: Homilies that Teach. Her new book, Out of Deep Waters: My Grief Management Workbook, will be available in July.

---

Waking Up in the Middle of a Good Dream

When the brain is asleep and in REM dream mode... Read More

Rediscovering the Mind

From the viewpoint of a modern microbiologist, we hear the... Read More

Intuition

I. The Three IntuitionsIA. Eidetic IntuitionsIntuition is supposed to be... Read More

Gay Men Psychology

Gay men are said to be usually third or further... Read More

Eating Disorders and the Narcissist

Patients suffering from eating disorders binge on food and sometimes... Read More

Christian Psychotherapy for Convicts?

Repeated research studies have revealed that secular efforts at rehabilitation... Read More

Do You Love Your Body?

Through out the course of one's life one is faced... Read More

On Empathy

The Encyclopaedia Britannica (1999 edition) defines empathy as:"The ability to... Read More

Precognition or Circadian Rhythm?

The bodies natural clock or circadian rhythm seems to have... Read More

Ericksons Theory of Human Development

I'm sure you've heard the term "Identity Crisis" before. It's... Read More

What?s the Problem: Introducing Solution Focus Pt 1

Solution Focus is the brain child of Insoo Kim Berg... Read More

Hypnosis: A Brief History

Evidence of hypnotic-like phenomena appears in many ancient cultures. The... Read More

Randomness of Human Thought

Random thought Sequence in the Human Mind. I want to... Read More

The Attention Spanner

After a long and patient wait in queue, you reached... Read More

Why Does It Seem That There Are More Children With ADHD Than Ever Before?

Even though the percentage of people with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity... Read More

What is Narcissism?

A pattern of traits and behaviours which signify infatuation and... Read More

Accepting New Ideas

Much of the time when a new idea comes to... Read More

Panic Attacks: Effective Ways to Cope

Jill is a 21 y/o college student who used to... Read More

Posttraumatic Stress Disorder: Nightmare After The Ordeal

Sarah is a 28 y/o accountant who had a traumatic... Read More

We are in the End Days; Oh, Really Now?

Some think the world is coming to an end, they... Read More

Animal Cruelty: The Key to Serial Minds

What makes a common person a Serial Killer? According to... Read More

What is the Theory of Multiple Intelligences? Part 2: Cultural Influence

Howard Gardner's theory of multiple intelligences developed as he worked... Read More

Solution Focus Process: Solution Talk vs. Problem Talk Pt I

Solution Talk vs. Problem TalkProblem talk, of course, is talk... Read More

Get Out of Jail Free: Stop Being Defensive

When Marcus and Sally first met they immediately felt like... Read More

Right Brain, Left Brain

The right brain controls the left side of the body... Read More

Metaphors of the Mind (Part I)

The brain (and, by implication, the Mind) has been compared... Read More

Metaphors of the Mind (Part II)

Storytelling has been with us since the days of campfire... Read More

Short Story: The Next Level of Humanity

"Hey Mac, have you ever been thinking of someone and... Read More

Anti-Social Behaviors and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder

Anti-social behaviors are common with ADHD individuals. About 60% of... Read More

A Case for Multiple Intelligences Based Classroom Instruction

Although many high school age students tend to think and... Read More

The Mind, Information, and Attitude

Information is flowing to us at a great rate. The... Read More

Biometrics

ABSTRACTBiometric identification refers to identifying an individual based on his/her... Read More

Dredging the Truth

To seek and find truth requires that we communicate within... Read More