Narcissistic Personality Disorder Tips

FIVE DON'T DO'S

How to Avoid the Wrath of the Narcissist

• Never disagree with the narcissist or contradict him

• Never offer him any intimacy

• Look awed by whatever attribute matters to him (for instance: by his professional achievements or by his good looks, or by his success with women and so on)

• Never remind him of life out there and if you do, connect it somehow to his sense of grandiosity

• Do not make any comment, which might directly or indirectly impinge on his self-image, omnipotence, judgment, omniscience, skills, capabilities, professional record, or even omnipresence. Bad sentences start with: "I think you overlooked ... made a mistake here ... you don't know ... do you know ... you were not here yesterday so ... you cannot ... you should ... (perceived as rude imposition, narcissists react very badly to restrictions placed on their freedom) ... I (never mention the fact that you are a separate, independent entity, narcissists regard others as extensions of their selves, their internalization processes were screwed up and they did not differentiate properly) ..." You get the gist of it.

The TEN DO'S

How to Make your Narcissist Dependent on You

If you INSIST on Staying with Him

• Listen attentively to everything the narcissist says and agree with it all. Don't believe a word of it but let it slide as if everything is just fine, business as usual.

• Personally offer something absolutely unique to the narcissist which they cannot obtain anywhere else. Also be prepared to line up future sources of primary NS for your narcissist because you will not be IT for very long, if at all. If you take over the procuring function for the narcissist, they become that much more dependent on you which makes it a bit tougher for them to pull their haughty stuff - an inevitability, in any case.

• Be endlessly patient and go way out of your way to be accommodating, thus keeping the narcissistic supply flowing liberally, and keeping the peace (relatively speaking).

• Be endlessly giving. This one may not be attractive to you, but it is a take it or leave it proposition.

• Be absolutely emotionally and financially independent of the narcissist. Take what you need: the excitement and engulfment and refuse to get upset or hurt when the narcissist does or says something dumb, rude, or insensitive. Yelling back works really well but should be reserved for special occasions when you fear your narcissist may be on the verge of leaving you; the silent treatment is better as an ordinary response, but it must be carried out without any emotional content, more with the air of boredom and "I'll talk to you later, when I am good and ready, and when you are behaving in a more reasonable fashion".

• If your narcissist is cerebral and NOT interested in having much sex - then give yourself ample permission to have "hidden" sex with other people. Your cerebral narcissist will not be indifferent to infidelity so discretion and secrecy is of paramount importance.

• If your narcissist is somatic and you don't mind, join in on endlessly interesting group sex encounters but make sure that you choose properly for your narcissist. They are heedless and very undiscriminating in respect of sexual partners and that can get very problematic (STDs and blackmail come to mind).

• If you are a "fixer", then focus on fixing situations, preferably before they become "situations". Don't for one moment delude yourself that you can FIX the narcissist - it simply will not happen. Not because they are being stubborn - they just simply can't be fixed.

• If there is any fixing that can be done, it is to help your narcissist become aware of their condition, and this is VERY IMPORTANT, with no negative implications or accusations in the process at all. It is like living with a physically handicapped person and being able to discuss, calmly, unemotionally, what the limitations and benefits of the handicap are and how the two of you can work with these factors, rather than trying to change them.

• FINALLY, and most important of all: KNOW YOURSELF.

What are you getting from the relationship? Are you actually a masochist? A codependent perhaps? Why is this relationship attractive and interesting?

Define for yourself what good and beneficial things you believe you are receiving in this relationship.

Define the things that you find harmful TO YOU. Develop strategies to minimize the harm to yourself. Don't expect that you will cognitively be able to reason with the narcissist to change who they are. You may have some limited success in getting your narcissist to tone down on the really harmful behaviours THAT AFFECT YOU which emanate from the unchangeable WHAT the narcissist is. This can only be accomplished in a very trusting, frank and open relationship.

(Co-authored with Alice Ratzlaff)

About The Author

Sam Vaknin is the author of "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited" and the editor of mental health categories in The Open Directory, Suite101, and searcheurope.com.

His web site: http://samvak.tripod.com

Frequently asked questions regarding narcissism: http://samvak.tripod.com/faq1.html

Narcissistic Personality Disorder on Suite101: http://www.suite101.com/welcome.cfm/npd

---

Waking Up in the Middle of a Good Dream

When the brain is asleep and in REM dream mode... Read More

Short Story: The Next Level of Humanity

"Hey Mac, have you ever been thinking of someone and... Read More

Do You Love Your Body?

Through out the course of one's life one is faced... Read More

Split Personality - A Myth or a Reality?

IntroductionIn this world today, there are a lot of unbelievable... Read More

Get Out of Jail Free: Stop Being Defensive

When Marcus and Sally first met they immediately felt like... Read More

The Attention Spanner

After a long and patient wait in queue, you reached... Read More

Accepting New Ideas

Much of the time when a new idea comes to... Read More

Kleptomaniac Confessions

Ever felt urged to steal a piece of bubblegum from... Read More

The Cyber Narcissist

To the narcissist, the Internet is an alluring and irresistible... Read More

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder: Neurologically Based

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is a neurologically based disorder. This... Read More

The Diagnosis Myth

Although I risk dissension by doing so, I must say... Read More

Animal to Animal Telepathy

There has been much study on Telepathy in the animal... Read More

Fallacies About the Inner Child

Over the past 10 years I have helped individuals who... Read More

The Iron Mask - The Common Sources of Personality Disorders

Do all personality disorders have a common psychodynamic source?To what... Read More

Behavioral Manifestations of Alzheimer?s Dementia

Alzheimer's Dementia has a combination of cognitive and behavioral manifestations.... Read More

On Empathy

The Encyclopaedia Britannica (1999 edition) defines empathy as:"The ability to... Read More

Hypnotic Myths

Even though hypnosis has been around officially since the 1700s... Read More

Treatment Modalities and Therapies

Narcissism constitutes the entire personality. It is all-pervasive. Being a... Read More

The Undeniable Power of Suggestion

How exactly is the Human Psyche effected by the trivial... Read More

The Offspring of Aeolus - On the Incest Taboo

Incest is not such a clear-cut matter as it has... Read More

Key Solution Focus Interviewing Skills

There are several key Solution Focus interviewing skills that are... Read More

You, I and We

Our life in society hovers around the concept of 'You?I?... Read More

Parapsychology: Maximizing Effectivity Of Targeted Controlled Remote Viewing Techniques

Individuals with a solid working knowledge of Controlled Remote Viewing... Read More

Achieving an Ambidextrous Mindset

History lends us an ideal of ambidexterity: Leonardo da Vinci,... Read More

Birds in the Room Alter Sleep Patterns of Humans

Birds have always been considered good pets of modern day... Read More

The Mind, Information, and Attitude

Information is flowing to us at a great rate. The... Read More

Artificial Intelligence - What Have We Learned Through Natural Ignorance?

During the late '80s and early '90s, I had the... Read More

Why Does It Seem That There Are More Children With ADHD Than Ever Before?

Even though the percentage of people with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity... Read More

Dogs Use Psycho-Cybernetics To Accomplish Goals

Dogs picture in their minds an event of an activity... Read More

Time Out of Mind

Let us first consider the role of time in our... Read More

An Easy Cure For Math Phobia

Why is it that one person enjoys math, while another... Read More

Rediscovering the Mind

From the viewpoint of a modern microbiologist, we hear the... Read More

Kids and Lifebooks: Tips for Social Workers

Every child who is adopted from foster care deserves a... Read More