Often when radical change occurs in our lives we feel confusion - not only about what's happening but also about how we'll cope with it. This is especially true of negative change such as the loss of a romantic relationship, a job or a loved one. Of course, confusion is perfectly normal and natural, but it needn't get in the way of handling situations effectively and of accommodating any kind of change. Why? Because your personal path through change is probably predictable.
To be aware of this path and how it works can make the transition easier, perhaps faster, and definitely more effective.
There are four stages that each of us experiences as we traverse the landscape of major life change. Each has specific characteristics relating to how you may think, feel and act.
Think of the change process as a picture. Imagine a sort of "V" shape. In fact, on a piece of paper, draw a large letter "V" From left to right on the "V," label it as follows:
· Upper left: DENIAL. SHOCK is another word for this. You just can't believe that some big change is going to happen...or has. "This can't be happening," is a typical comment. Another way to deny is by IGNORING it...usually by attempting to wait until it all blows over. But it doesn't. And there's MINIMIZING by assuming, for instance, that "It just needs a few minor adjustments." It's possible to continue working in this phase, but sooner or later you feel the impact and MUST respond.
· Left side, line to the bottom of the letter: RESISTANCE. As time passes, things seem to get worse, stress increases. Often we resort to BLAME at this time; we COMPLAIN. You may become physically ill, feel physical symptoms. You may even begin to doubt that you can survive the change. A feeling of hopelessness, even depression, isn't uncommon. Actually, what's happening here, in the psychological sense, is that you're mourning the past -- rather than getting ready for the future. Be aware of the real danger that you could wallow in this place for quite some time. But remember, the next step is entirely up to you?it's your choice!
· Right side, line to the top of the letter: EXPLORATION. This important phase usually begins subtly...you just somehow feel better...you sleep through the night again...you realize that you actually have a chance of making it through. Your energy level rises, and you begin to conceive of the notion that there may be new possibilities. This is a great time to set goals, create positive directions, experiment with those "possibilities." A caution, though...don't be hasty at this time. Resist moving out of this phase before you've arrived at the very best situation you're capable of?that is, the highest level of confidence that your next move will be the right one. But remember, no matter what course you choose, there'll be risks as you navigate it.
· Right side, top of the letter: COMMITMENT. This phase begins when you focus on a new course of action...one you've decided upon, not one that's been thrust on you. At this point, the major growth within yourself has already happened, and your new assignment is to capitalize on it. Note that the shape of the "V" can be infinitely variable. A goal, of course, is to shorten the denial phase, to create a shallower penetration into resistance, perhaps to lengthen the exploratory phase a bit, and to move purposefully into the commitment area when you're ready.
There's a certain rhythm to the process of personal change. And seldom does it happen that you're facing only one challenge at a time; often you're in various phases of separate change processes all at once. Being aware of the process helps you to sort this all out and to prevent overload. It also gives you an opportunity to avoid getting stuck in any one phase. It also allows you to move through all stages, in order and in appropriate time frames, rather than to breeze through without examining the feelings and the process, only to run up against a psychological brick wall later. Again, we see that time is important. Don't be in too much of a hurry to come out the other side.
Copyright 2002, 2005 Optimum Performance Associates/Paul McNeese.
Paul McNeese is CEO of Optimum Performance Associates, a consulting firm specializing in transitional and transformational change for individuals and institutions through publication. His publishing company, OPA Publishing, is an advocacy for self-publishing authors of informational, instructional, inspirational and insightful nonfiction.
Email: pmcneese@opapublishing.com
Websites: http://www.opapublishing.com and http://www.opapresents.com
Bernard always had a problem with money.He was always lacking... Read More
We hear a lot these days about accepting responsibility for... Read More
Words, Ignorance, and Casper The Friendly Ghost!Do your best to... Read More
INNER CRITIC UNVEILED! Part 2: AFFIRMATIONS TO THE RESCUE!"Almost everybody... Read More
How you feel about yourself truly does affect your interaction... Read More
Music penetrates our mental barriers and influences the deepest areas... Read More
A joke is a way of getting people to laugh.... Read More
Every time something doesn't go quite right (rather frequently for... Read More
The Alchemists of old worked over many years, centuries, in... Read More
Quote of the week:"Of all the attitudes we can acquire,... Read More
The other day I bought an unusual piece of software:... Read More
I'm sure most of you remember the children's book about... Read More
There are very many methods for achieving improvement to our... Read More
Just 2 nights ago my partner and I were watching... Read More
James Allen, who wrote the masterpiece, As a Man Thinketh,... Read More
It sounds a little masochistic, but I actually appreciate being... Read More
Attitude, has a way of preening itself, often without awareness... Read More
When you feel lost and confused, it is easy to... Read More
Never used 'em. Not likely to start now.OK, so I... Read More
Can you really plan a life-changing experience, or do they... Read More
In the latest and final Star Wars saga, Anakin Skywalker... Read More
Say aloud:I AM. I AM Consciousness. I AM the creator... Read More
"Most overnight successes are just plain lucky. Just ask any... Read More
For most of us our lives are a problem which... Read More
There are times that we encounter fearful thoughts that can... Read More
One of my class fellows was really tensed, when asked... Read More
Many times when an angry or rageful man comes into... Read More
Most of us carry on a running internal dialogue at... Read More
The summer I was 20 years old, I worked as... Read More
Satisfaction 100% guaranteed or your money back! That was the... Read More
Often when radical change occurs in our lives we feel... Read More
Positive Affirmations are things we say to ourselves that build... Read More
Do you wish you had high self-confidence? Some of us... Read More
In speaking of comparison we need to be aware that... Read More
Clear Conflict with Forgiveness:Forgiveness is the means to solve all... Read More
It took me a long time to realise the benefits... Read More
What's wrong with me? When I'm sick I get grumpy... Read More
Bosses can't control many things at work. In fact, they... Read More
One of our most active senses is sight. What we... Read More
"Most overnight successes are just plain lucky. Just ask any... Read More
When I teach private Yoga sessions, sometimes, I become aware... Read More
If I say the word "CHANGE" how do you feel?... Read More
Your mindset is a strong factor in achieving any type... Read More
Philosophy of Forgiveness:The most powerful tool that human beings possess... Read More
? Make a list of all your accomplishments in life... Read More
Decades ago, I saw a metaphysical movie that wonderfully illustrates... Read More
If you suffer with or have in the past suffered... Read More
We have often missed the mark because we believe we... Read More
All the problems that any individual has in their lives... Read More
The world is going downhill faster than an Olympic skier.... Read More
A rager, or rageaholic, is a person who is addicted... Read More
Striving to improve our self esteem is on everybody's mind.... Read More
Bernard always had a problem with money.He was always lacking... Read More
Remember Des'ree? She had a great song out in 1994,... Read More
How are you? Where do you get a positive attitude... Read More
Knowing yourself is the foundation of self-esteem, self confidence and... Read More
Just in an average day we can experience many things... Read More
Many people would say that it is absolute madness to... Read More
Aging is a matter of the mind.The years may creep... Read More
"The difference between a stumbling block and a stepping stone... Read More
"If I have the belief that I can do it,... Read More
Recently, a lady came to see me and she had... Read More
There are only two emotions we can experience; love or... Read More
The summer I was 20 years old, I worked as... Read More
"Someone was hurt before you; wronged before you, hungry before... Read More
As a being of thought, your dominant mental attitude will... Read More
Positive Attitude Tips |