Happiness Versus Pleasure

We are a pleasure seeking society. Most of us spend our energy seeking pleasure and avoiding pain. We hope that by doing this, we will feel happy. Yet deep, abiding happiness and joy elude so many people.

There is a huge difference between happiness and pleasure. Pleasure is a momentary feeling that comes from something external ? a good meal, our stock going up, making love, and so on. Pleasure has to do with the positive experiences of our senses, and with good things happening. Pleasurable experiences can give us momentary feelings of happiness, but this happiness does not last long because it is dependent upon external events and experiences. We have to keep on having the good experiences ? more food, more drugs or alcohol, more money, more sex, more things ? in order to feel pleasure. As a result, many people become addicted to these external experiences, needing more and more to feel a short-lived feeling of happiness.

Thomas sought my counseling services because he "had everything" ? his own successful business, a lovely wife and children, a beautiful home, and time to enjoy life. Yet he was not happy. While he had momentary feelings of happiness while watching a ball game or socializing with his friends, he also felt anxious and depressed much of the time. In fact, the anxiety had become so bad that he was having almost constant stomach pain, which his doctor told him was from stress.

As we worked together, it became apparent that Thomas's main desire in life was to have control over people and events. He wanted others to do things his way and to believe the way he believed. He was frequently judgmental with his employees, wife, children and friends, believing that he was right and they were wrong and it was his job to straighten them out with his judgment and criticism. His energy would become hard and tough and he would be like a steamroller in his efforts to get his point across and get others to do things his way. When it worked and others gave in, Thomas felt a momentary pang of pleasure. But the pain in his stomach kept getting worse and worse, which is why he decided to consult with me.

Thomas also wanted control over his own feelings, and would often judge himself as harshly as he judged others in an effort to get himself to perform well and feel okay. He especially judged himself harshly when he felt rejected by others, frequently telling himself that he was an inadequate jerk.

As we worked together, Thomas began to see that happiness is the result of choosing to be a kind, caring, compassionate and gentle person with himself and others ? quite the opposite of the judgmental, controlling person he had chosen to be. Thomas learned that happiness is the natural result of being present in each moment with love and kindness toward himself and others, rather than with being attached to the outcome of things and trying to control the outcome regarding events and others' behavior. He discovered that he felt deep joy whenever he let go of control and chose caring instead. The anxiety in his stomach went away whenever his intention was to be a kind and caring person rather than a controlling one.

It is not easy to shift out of the deep devotion to control and become devoted to love and compassion toward oneself and others. Our ego wounded self has been practicing control since we were very little. Yet the moment our intent is to control, our heart closes and we feel alone and anxious inside. Our intent to seek safety and pleasure through controlling others, outcomes, and our own feelings leads to an inner feeling of abandonment and emptiness. We abandon ourselves when we are trying to control our feelings rather than be kind and compassionate with ourselves. Our anxiety and feelings of emptiness lead to more seeking outside ourselves to fill up with pleasurable experiences. The momentary pleasure leads to addictive behavior.

When the intent shifts out of controlling and not being controlled to becoming loving to ourselves and others, the heart opens and joy is the result. Deep and abiding happiness and joy are the natural result of operating out of the spiritual values of caring, compassion and kindness.

About The Author

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.(c) Margaret Paul, Ph.D., 2004.

margaret@innerbonding.com

---

Happy Buttons

What makes you happy? What are the simple pleasures that... Read More

What is the Ultimate Lifestyle?

Since the mission of this newsletter is to help you... Read More

Suffering and Happiness

The one feature that sets life on Earth apart from... Read More

Being Happy

How can one be happy? Is it a tough question?... Read More

Red Balloon of Happiness

Just when you think you know it all, some 17-month... Read More

Sunny Days Are Here To Stay

Yes, this is correct. Sunny Days are here to stay,... Read More

Inner Peace

Are you content and at inner peace?Or are you insecure... Read More

Happiness - A Choice You Must Make

Over the course of my life's journey I have come... Read More

It?s Good to be Goofy

To paraphrase a saying my mother liked to use occasionally,... Read More

Create a Balanced Lifestyle and Begin Living a Happier, Healthier and Enriched Life

Are you living a balanced life?Many people are not. Their... Read More

May the Budgie of Happiness Sit on Your Head

My grandmother, Mimi, was a great solitaire player. My family... Read More

Happiness Increases Longevity...Where Do We Find This Gift of Life?

According to U.S. research, you can add seven and a... Read More

The Gift is in the Giving

I have to be honest. I made the woman cashier... Read More

Increase Your Happiness - Look Forward With Hindsight

Six months ago you had trouble finding your keys and... Read More

14 Habits For A Happier You and I

Many people exercise, play sports, or know someone who does.... Read More

Free Tips To Improve Self Confidence

1. DRUNK!At the age of sixteen I was invited out... Read More

4 Steps to Use Fears as Friends: Don?t be a Thunder Dog!

Imagine humungous, bulbous, billowing alto-cumulus clouds building higher and higher... Read More

Our Feelings and Attitudes Around Happily Ever After

Our feelings and attitudes have a huge impact on our... Read More

The Happiness of Others

Is there any necessary connection between our actions and the... Read More

Conditions of Happiness: Happy vs. Unhappy - Do We Have A Choice?

Everyone is in the process of seeking greater happiness. We... Read More

Common Scents For Emotional Well Being

Aromatics which include essential oils, perfume, centred candles and incense,... Read More

Seven Steps to a Better Day

Are you tired of the same routine day after day?... Read More

The ABCs Of A Great Life: J Is For Joviality

Laughter, humor, a lighthearted sense of being - all of... Read More

The Most Beautiful Flowers

The most beautiful flowers, in conjunction with their design and... Read More

Finding Purpose and Meaning in Life

A friend once said to me, "There is no meaning... Read More

Can You Really Let Go Of Your Huge Internal Struggle?

When I was in graduate school for psychology, we had... Read More

The Capacity for Happiness and Respectability

Humans are liable to experience a variety of afflictions, but... Read More

Growing Up Backwards

It seems like I set out in this life to... Read More

Eleven Keys to Success and Happiness

1. Mend a quarrel Seek out a forgotten friend and... Read More

Life Management Skills for Greater Happiness

"Circumstances are the rulers of the weak; they are but... Read More

If You Can Dream It you Can Do It!

Confuscious, the Chinese Philospher is quoted as saying : "I... Read More

Believing is the Absence of Doubt

You've heard the expression, "Just believe it and it will... Read More

The Elusive Butterfly of Happiness

Are You Chasing the Elusive Butterfly of Happiness?For many people... Read More